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Shugrath's Lust
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Pieh's comment on 2008-06-15 12:38 PM
Heh, this worked out nicely. I admit I was a bit worried about how you were going to keep it from utterly annihilating humanity, but you seem to have worked out a way around that. I still think it would make a nice doomsday plot.

Also, how about breaking it into smaller paragraphs? It is kinda hard to read as is. But, I like it. Go to Comment
Shugrath's Lust
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Maggot's comment on 2008-06-16 07:19 AM
If you could help me to identify the areas that need trimming, it'd be much appreciated. I'm afraid my editing skills are as of yet, still somewhat lacking. Go to Comment
Shugrath's Lust
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Maggot's comment on 2008-06-18 02:41 AM
Points taken. I have made some modifications as suggested by Moon Hunter and Manfred. Thanks for the feedback,guys. Go to Comment
Shugrath's Lust
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Maggot's comment on 2008-06-15 11:29 AM
I'd just like to mention that a great deal of the inspiration behind this sub goes to Pieh, since this idea initially emerged during a chat I had with him. Go to Comment
Shugrath's Lust
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-06-15 11:37 AM
I'll give it an HOH tomorrow. Go to Comment
Shugrath's Lust
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Misanpilgrim's comment on 2008-06-17 12:57 PM
I'll echo the formatting complaint.

Aside from that... this could put a whole new spin on a zombie game. Go to Comment
Shugrath's Lust
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
RGTraynor's comment on 2011-04-15 03:20 AM


Yikes, if this is how overly verbose the sub is AFTER trimming down, I'd hate to see how it was before!  It still could use to be smaller by a full third.



Examples?  Let's take the first paragraph: "Unleashing a bloodcurdling scream that mingled agony of the most unbearable kind with the muffled moans of sexual gratification, the demon violently thrust its vast array of phallus’s into its gaping and furiously bleeding rectum, his rapidly fading mind fleeing back to the past, even as the talons of the his original home, the netherworld, closed upon him."  How about:



"Unleashing a scream mingling agony with moans of lust, the demon violently thrust its vast array of phalluses into its gaping, bleeding rectum, its dying mind fleeing back into the past, even as the final blackness closed upon him."  Not every noun and verb need modifiers.



That being said, anyone else staggered at the thought of a monolithic faith, devoted to keeping its people pure and chaste, having as the centerpiece of its daily services a lust demon constantly violating itself, non-stop, for decades yet?  That'd be a bit raw for most demonic Chaos cults, let alone a putative white light religion.  I'd throw something in about the neighboring nations refusing to help, being sickened by the perversions into which the faith of Wonnoth had sunk in the alleged defense of chastity, and deeming that they could lie in the bed they'd made for themselves.


Go to Comment
Shugrath's Lust
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
RGTraynor's comment on 2011-04-16 07:58 AM
Yeah, I think Pieh was right: this is pretty much a Doomsday scenario in anywhere save for a libertarian world. There's just no hope otherwise that (a) people will recognize what's going on and (b) know that only a "particularly powerful priest" can fix it, where (c) the game system used *allows* said PPP enough casts of repeated "powerful waves of divine magic" in a short enough time frame to knock down the plague vector and (d) not be so careless as to get infected him or herself. Too many "ifs" there. Go to Comment
Shugrath's Lust
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Old Dreamer's comment on 2011-04-16 07:22 AM


"gaping, bleeding rectum" 



Imagine my surprise reading this as I sip on my first coffee of the day. Getting past the eye-opening first paragraph, I like the idea. A blood-borne pathogen as a method for a demon's spread. Of course, this is exactly how medieval "science" viewed how the world works, you've just given them substance.



Not quite sure what to think of the "lust" spreading in chaste societies and yet the cure is having an especially religious priest casting it away with divine magic. Seems to kind of work against itself.


Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
MoonHunter's comment on 2007-06-01 04:26 PM
Viewed. Like it. What are we requesting advice?

He does not need much history. He was a scribe who let his entire life slide to hell due to his duty as a scribe. Now he is alone and dammed. Became undead.

Does he quill everyone's Sins and Dark Thoughts?

What are we looking for? Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Maggot's comment on 2007-12-17 12:39 AM
Though it shames me to say this, I accidentally deleted the gruesome appearance when I transfered this from my Microsoft Word. But have no fear, for I have moved swiftly to restore the Scribe's foul visage. Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2007-06-02 01:12 AM
Speak for yourself there chief. I would use him in one of my games without a second though. Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2007-12-16 06:29 PM
Wow. Glad to see this piece out of in work. I do have a few complaints, but they are rather trivial. The first being that it is very long and while the detail is certainly appreciated it might be a bit of an overkill. Secondly, Kankos seems to have lost something from his incomplete incarnation and he seems more tame and less gruesome. Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-12-16 02:24 PM
5/5...but ewwwwwwwww. Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2007-12-17 08:00 AM
This on talks to me Maggot. Not in the real sense, but as a character I will use as soon as I have a chance. It is long yessir, and those pharagraphs can be a hard read on my screen yessir. But I wouldn't miss it! Great job! Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2007-12-17 10:15 AM
By the way, read this when it was in work and was looking forward to the official release. Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Murometz's comment on 2007-05-31 10:27 PM
holy moly Maggot! What a visual!

finish it, finish it! Its revolting, but fascinating!!! Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Murometz's comment on 2007-06-01 04:41 PM
we are looking for Maggot to finish this. I love this sicko!! :D

(I certainly wouldnt hesitate to use him. Nice jolt for my jaded PCs!)

DONT TONE DOWN ANYTHING! Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Murometz's comment on 2007-12-23 12:48 PM
Phew. The Gruesome Appearence returns triumphant! :)

I loved this in its larval stage, and I love it now. It /is/ to echo Scras, a bit too long, me'thinks, but the 'concept' of the tortured, god-infused Scribe is good one! I enjoy greatly. Go to Comment
The Shadow Scribe
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
chilled's comment on 2012-06-10 09:12 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
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