Some details could use a once-over, like the fact that it starts off miniscule, then grows to "10 times" its size to resemble a small rat. If a bug the size you originally describe grows to 10 times its size, it would still be relatively tiny, maybe the size of a thimble or so, not a small rat. Also being the size of a small rat with wings, I simply dread visualizing the "exit strategy" :)
Interesting bug overall. Despite the fact that it infects the host with eggs (something that has been done to death), it seems believable and casts a reflection on the society where it proliferates.
Nice idea, but like others said it could use a little polishing for consistency. (Mainly where it;s already been mentioned)
Also your lines: After a period of five days the eggs hatch and the offspring squirm out. Upon hatching, the first thing the beetles do is to latch themselves onto the stomach walls using the suction pads on their legs.
After 5 days the would have most likely traveled entirely through the digestive track and been expelled with the rest of the bodily waste. Perhaps having the hatching time be a couple of hours rather than days would be better. (it takes approx 2-6 hours to digest a meal depending on what and how much was eaten)
Otherwise it fits nicely into any squalor and slum area, although I am curious how it denotes the difference between under cooked /raw meat and an open bloody wound on a person/creature. The other question I have is if they can swell to rat sized, what happens when a person has 5 or more of these things inside them? Does it rupture the stomach lining in the last stages of growth? Prevent consumption of any food do to filling the stomach?
Also any treatment/cure to alleviate the symptoms would be nice to see. (With it directly in the stomach I would imagine digestion of a large quantity of hard alcohol would serve to paralyze or possibly kill it) Does vomiting effect the creature? Is it possible to throw one up if you heave with sufficient force? (Especially if paralyzed by alcohol
Oh and the name seems a little incongruous with the description, since it spends the majority of it's life as a larvae in the hosts stomach)
Sorry to nit pick, but this has the potential be a neat sub with a bit more cleaning up. Go to Comment
Kugamu was actually inspired by your very own The Ghillie-Goat Man. The idea of defeated gods becoming minor spirits that live on as symbols is one of the most compelling concepts spawned by your inspired Totemos sub, at least as far as I'm concerned. Go to Comment
This is great! So far, all of the Totemos and little gods I have been tinkering with have been moving up the scale of power, growing stronger. Now, we see Kugamu, sliding from a regional god to a local spirit being reinvigorated as a totemos. My thanks to you Maggot! Go to Comment
Gragami's give off a Tyrannosaurus vibe, big mean dinosaurs. The section on myth and legend is too long, too many short paragraphs. The whole piece could greatly benefit from being tightened up and made more concise. Go to Comment
A nice in depth creature, complete with myth origins and a nice presentation. Quite lengthy however which is probably why so few comments as of yet. (I read it a while back but was out of votes at the time, then forgot to comment on it the next day)
I agree with Scras, the myth/legend area could stand to be shortened up a bit, but over all nicely done! Go to Comment
It sounds quite overpowered, but it is a very imaginitive combination of magical fanasy and steampunk. I bet those industrialist of Avolle are trying their utmost to learn the secrets of these suits. Maybe the can produce a corrupted version, so you can have 'mecha-to-mecha' battle with a very original background? The 'turning-into-metal' bit sounds a little like what happened to von Doom in the first Fantastic Four movie (awfull, but spectacular). Maybe one of thuse warrior-shamans gets resentfull of his fate and turns against his fellows? Go to Comment