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Yogran
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-12-26 02:05 PM
Interesting, perhaps the prettiest pirhana I've read about. Go to Comment
Yogran
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-12-26 12:36 PM
*imagines putting a shoal of these fierce fish into Yellowstone Lake.* Go to Comment
Yogran
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
Murometz's comment on 2008-12-27 01:31 PM
Piranha meets Koi! :)

Nice detailed description, and certainly a usable fish for most campaigns. Go to Comment
Yogran
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Water)
valadaar's comment on 2009-01-02 06:35 PM
Nicely described, but having a hard time seeing how they are much more then piranhas with better flavor text... Go to Comment
Rot Beetle
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Maggot's comment on 2008-12-27 02:32 AM
Updated:
This is the updated bug, with some modifications and additions made. I've incorporated the many useful suggestions that both Scras and Silveressa made. Go to Comment
Rot Beetle
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Maggot's comment on 2008-12-27 10:25 PM
Well, just to clear two things, by the time the beetle exits its host, it's the size of a small mouse as is stated in the sub. Anything that size which crawls out someone's bum is gdefinitely oing to leave some damage in its wake. Plus, at this point, the beetle is nearing the end of its life-span and so dosen't really care if it ends up killing its host as it makes its way out.

With that that said, thanks for telling me about parasites latching onto the intestinal rather than the stomach walls. And I guess the secretion wasn't probably that neccessary. I might make a couple more modifications. Go to Comment
Rot Beetle
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-12-27 08:25 AM
Couple of parasite pointers, the beetle is much more likely to latch onto the lining of the intestines rather than the stomach. This is actually where the majority of parasites are usually found. (the next most common location is in the blood stream, just FYI). I don't know that a chemical secretion to boost a host's appetite is really required, the drain from the beetle itself should be more than sufficient to keep them hungry.

I see a left-over from the previous version, I don't think a rice grain sized beetle is going to cause a colon to explode when it exits the body. Besides, a real parasite doesnt have the intention of killing it's host. The danger of the Rot Beetle wouldn't be just carrying one of them (assuming your bum doesnt explode), the real concern would be to become a host to a colony of them. How much tainted meat could be eaten in five months? Someone with a gut full of beetles could have so many beetles that undigested might not be able to pass unimpeded out of the body.

From there you could get an expression like 'Blood and Beetles!' since someone who is so parasite ridden that their bowel movements are mostly blood and beetles, the blood from where the beetles were torn free of the intestinal wall. Go to Comment
Rot Beetle
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-12-18 11:16 AM
Not a nice thing to ingest. Go to Comment
Rot Beetle
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2008-12-17 12:39 PM
We'll go with what Muro said: interesting, and entirely believable. I have issue with the description at the beginning, where it was described to the casual observer as a wiggling grain of rice, combined with the one at the end, where it has grown to the size of a rat. The two simply don't seem to match properly. A bit better explanation would be nice.

Otherwise, an interesting fellow you have here. Keep up the submissions, I'm liking what I'm reading. Go to Comment
Rot Beetle
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Murometz's comment on 2008-12-17 09:14 AM
Some details could use a once-over, like the fact that it starts off miniscule, then grows to "10 times" its size to resemble a small rat. If a bug the size you originally describe grows to 10 times its size, it would still be relatively tiny, maybe the size of a thimble or so, not a small rat. Also being the size of a small rat with wings, I simply dread visualizing the "exit strategy" :)


Interesting bug overall. Despite the fact that it infects the host with eggs (something that has been done to death), it seems believable and casts a reflection on the society where it proliferates.

Good. Go to Comment
Rot Beetle
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-12-19 08:57 PM
Nice idea, but like others said it could use a little polishing for consistency. (Mainly where it;s already been mentioned)

Also your lines: After a period of five days the eggs hatch and the offspring squirm out. Upon hatching, the first thing the beetles do is to latch themselves onto the stomach walls using the suction pads on their legs.

After 5 days the would have most likely traveled entirely through the digestive track and been expelled with the rest of the bodily waste. Perhaps having the hatching time be a couple of hours rather than days would be better. (it takes approx 2-6 hours to digest a meal depending on what and how much was eaten)

Otherwise it fits nicely into any squalor and slum area, although I am curious how it denotes the difference between under cooked /raw meat and an open bloody wound on a person/creature. The other question I have is if they can swell to rat sized, what happens when a person has 5 or more of these things inside them? Does it rupture the stomach lining in the last stages of growth? Prevent consumption of any food do to filling the stomach?

Also any treatment/cure to alleviate the symptoms would be nice to see. (With it directly in the stomach I would imagine digestion of a large quantity of hard alcohol would serve to paralyze or possibly kill it) Does vomiting effect the creature? Is it possible to throw one up if you heave with sufficient force? (Especially if paralyzed by alcohol

Oh and the name seems a little incongruous with the description, since it spends the majority of it's life as a larvae in the hosts stomach)

Sorry to nit pick, but this has the potential be a neat sub with a bit more cleaning up. Go to Comment
Rot Beetle
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Any)
Silveressa's comment on 2008-12-27 04:30 AM
Excellent rewrite Maggot, although there are a few punctuation issues and some wording bits that could use a small bit of cleaning out.

This new beetle as presented feels much more complete and well defined; and also much more insidious.

Another creepy parasite for the poorer sections of cities. (It also could work well in a modern/future post apocalypse game with a little modification)

Great job on the rewrite, and an updated vote! Go to Comment
Hardville
Locations  (Neighborhoods)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-12-11 11:32 AM
And down, down to Goblin-town you go, my lad. Go to Comment
Hardville
Locations  (Neighborhoods)   (Any)
Murometz's comment on 2008-12-13 05:35 PM
Good slum with some great details! Complete with explanations of how it came to be thus.

The cuisine alone is inspiring. Curried rats, poached toads, devilled frogs and braised cats are just a few of the many dishes available

Good work. Go to Comment
Hardville
Locations  (Neighborhoods)   (Any)
punkcasher's comment on 2009-03-16 02:10 PM
Great Idea. Keep up the goods !

:) Go to Comment
Kugamu
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Maggot's comment on 2008-11-29 01:04 AM
Kugamu was actually inspired by your very own The Ghillie-Goat Man. The idea of defeated gods becoming minor spirits that live on as symbols is one of the most compelling concepts spawned by your inspired Totemos sub, at least as far as I'm concerned. Go to Comment
Kugamu
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-11-28 10:35 PM
This is great! So far, all of the Totemos and little gods I have been tinkering with have been moving up the scale of power, growing stronger. Now, we see Kugamu, sliding from a regional god to a local spirit being reinvigorated as a totemos. My thanks to you Maggot! Go to Comment
Kugamu
NPCs  (Minor)   (Mystical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-11-28 02:06 PM
Poor Kugamu, sic transit gloria mundi. Once a god-king,and now a catfish for eternity. Go to Comment
Gragami
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Maggot's comment on 2008-11-30 02:26 AM
Comments and feedback would be welcome. Go to Comment
Gragami
Lifeforms  (Fauna)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-11-30 09:52 AM
Gragami's give off a Tyrannosaurus vibe, big mean dinosaurs. The section on myth and legend is too long, too many short paragraphs. The whole piece could greatly benefit from being tightened up and made more concise. Go to Comment
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