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Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Barbarian Horde's comment on 2005-04-07 07:45 AM
ok, can be better. Like Capt.Penguin said, wandering is boring, maybe next edit will be better. lose the cantine. Its stupid, but everything else pretty good. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Barbarian Horde's comment on 2005-04-06 03:01 PM
he's alright, i guess I mean I can see him being run into during a roleplay scene or even being used to help fight someone I would like to see him being used first, before i can decide really Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
CaptainPenguin's comment on 2005-04-06 05:11 PM
No, no, no.

First of all, the Everlasting Canteen is an invitation to munchkinism- like Echo said, just fill it with healing potion, and BAM, just like that, you're invincible.
Gem of Enhancement is boring, leave it out.

I thought maybe the background would be interesting, and it was, up until the part where he began to wander around and "fight for a living".
All new and developing character-makers out there- WANDERING THE WORLD IS NOT AN INTERESTING THING FOR THE CHARACTER TO DO, REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCES!

By the way, is English your first language? Just for reference.

2/5. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
MoonHunter's comment on 2005-04-10 09:21 AM
Loki... think about your posts before you post them. If it has a cliche built into its existance... little alarms should be going of in your head warning you of potential danger....

Not everyone needs to see their parent(s) murdered before their eyes. Sigh.

First how old was he? Do we have another toddler running down the road? Was he six? Why wasn't he adopted by someone? (or at least scooped up by monks)? Was he 12 or 13? No relatives? Nobody in the community noticed?

In ten years what has happened? Where did he learn to fight? Who apprenticed him into the bounty hunting? How did he get into this gig?

As for being a waunderer. It depends on the purpose for waundering. If a character does not have a goal or reason for its waundering, it should have an explanation on why the character is broken and waundering. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
EchoMirage's comment on 2005-04-06 11:30 AM
Everlasting cantine: I'll just drop in a healing potion, okay?
I'd like to have it i.v., please. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Cheka Man's comment on 2005-04-11 01:33 PM
Agggggggggggggghhhh! Bring the paragraphs back! Nobody will want to read that solid chunk of text. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2005-04-11 01:27 PM
Please, please, please!

Edit that chunk of text! Add space! Add paragraphs! Please! Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Dragoon God's comment on 2005-04-07 10:59 AM
Well Cap'n, I beg to differ. My character Tython is known as The Wanderer and he got a 4/5. I think he deserves a 3/5, he did much better then me when I started, and deserves credit. Loki, you should tell more about his travels and adventures though, dont be afraid to be descriptive. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Dragoon God's comment on 2005-04-06 10:24 AM
Pretty good so far,I like it. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Dragoon God's comment on 2005-04-11 11:27 AM
Dude, belive me, you want to put in spaces. It looks really unorganized when you dont, so be sure to edit. Also, if he wants to die, why would he want to learn to fight well?
Why waste all those years when he could of gotten killed in a bar fight? Why does he drink beer all of a sudden?
His master never allowed it, so wouldnt he of toaght him not to drink alcohol? Still too many questions, not enough answers. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Loki_Swiftstrike's comment on 2005-04-07 07:59 AM
Man I'm not doing to good on this site... Oh well back to the drawing board. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Loki_Swiftstrike's comment on 2005-04-11 08:58 AM
hey thanks for the tips moonhunter those were things I've never even thought about. I'm gonna fill in those blanks right now. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Loki_Swiftstrike's comment on 2005-04-11 09:52 AM
I'm not sure if I answered all those unanswered questions yet if not I'm sorry. I'm editting this guy during school and I gotta go to my next class. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Loki_Swiftstrike's comment on 2005-04-11 01:39 PM
"He knew that no one would kill a mere child for no reason so instead of commiting suicide or hiring a someone to kill him, he would merely take part in the most dangerous of professions."
"Being the young boy he was, he was stupid enough to think this was the only option."
"Master Jin thought since the boy would most likely end up in a bar fight, he would learn of his gift then."
I think i answered all your questions dragoon god. I guess since it was so cluttered, it was hard to pick these little tidbits up. I'll be sre to edit in spaces later, since I gotta go again. Go to Comment
Moses Duff
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Loki_Swiftstrike's comment on 2005-04-12 09:09 PM
Wow who knew I could stretch such a strange idea so far? I'm actually still coming up with ideas to throw in but im afraid of over doing it. Oh I've updated with spaces this time. :) Do you think posting anymore would be over doing one character? Go to Comment
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