Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Corticus the Strong
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Scrasamax's comment on 2005-04-14 03:23 PM
You are improving, I knew thatthis NPC was going to come up with a 'he got everything he wanted' ending, which would have been lame. I think it is good that he fell to the corruption of power, and I can see him being quite narcissitic and shallow, considering his rapid rise in ability.

3/5 and steadily improving Go to Comment
Corticus the Strong
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
EchoMirage's comment on 2005-04-15 12:40 PM
Heh, I started GMing when I was ... duh, perhaps 15 or so... you should have seen how my NPCs sucked then. My adventures were miles after miles of dungeons - when I found the notes from back then during a cleanup, I tossed them out, embarassed.

From your posts, I see a desire to say a lot, but you tend to blurt it out in one breath - the ideas are good, but they need a second layer - the same way a piece of meat isa good thing, but is made much more appealing through the addition of seasoning,sauce, potatoees, a nice dish of salad and proper presentation.
The scrawny guy training under a master to become mighty is a staple of fiction, tried and good,but needs something to set him apart from all those karate kids and the like, something special.
Likewise, the griffon tamer is a nice idea, though its potential has not yet stirred, and lies dormant.

Thumbs up, Loki Go to Comment
Corticus the Strong
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2005-04-14 01:22 AM
My basis for awarding points: 3 points

Things I like:
-An effort has been made to improve +1 point

Things I did not like:
-Eyes glow red in battle... red glowing eyes are a cliche. Other cliches too, like a zoo of a cast. -1 point
-Characters seem monodimensional and predictable, like they are all in their early teens. No depth, 8th grade conversations. -1 point
-The beginning character development seems improbable, like wish fulfillment for your personal secret dreams. +-0 points (balanced out by ending)
=2 points

Good luck in the future Loki. I really want you to get a 4+ submission soon! Go to Comment
Corticus the Strong
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2005-04-14 06:54 PM
I do not consider your attempts at originality "pathetic" Loki! You are probably much, much, much better than I was at your age (depending on your age). I was the ultra-pathetic GM in my younger days; I was a munchkin, I loved monty haul, my NPCs were Mary Sues and the setting was like something cut and pasted from a lousy TSR (Nowadays WotC) novella.

Keep up the attempts, listen to feedback, even my harsh reviews, and remember that the other critics might not agree with me (or with Scras, or Moon, or whoever). Find your own niche, your own target audience and genre, and create stuff you like within that genre. Go to Comment
Corticus the Strong
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2005-04-15 06:51 AM
There are alot of vintage GMs here. The age range is probably 10-50. I am 30 going on 31, so not that ancient in comparison with some of the Citadel regulars.

The average citadelian is about 16-25 Go to Comment
Corticus the Strong
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Loki_Swiftstrike's comment on 2005-04-13 09:02 PM
I hope I'm getting better at this and not worse. Go to Comment
Corticus the Strong
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Loki_Swiftstrike's comment on 2005-04-14 09:44 AM
Yeah, it might have helped more if I added how old he was and what age all this happened at. I took out the little red eye part since I never could come up with an interesting reason why the glowed red. I also didn't want to over do his background story making it so long that you would lose interest. This was yet another pathetic attempt at me being original, I will edit this and yeah, I will keep trying for the four star post. Go to Comment
Corticus the Strong
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Loki_Swiftstrike's comment on 2005-04-14 07:08 PM
Yeah, I'm probably alot older then alot of people think. I'm 17. So I'm not exactly sure what the age range is around here but I met a guy 35 yrs old on here. Thanks Gamer I do value everyone's comments as they help me to get alittle better at my posts. Thank you all for your brutal and harsh honesty. Go to Comment
Corticus the Strong
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
gulkien's comment on 2012-04-14 06:01 PM


wtf is with all the wierd sybols is it my computa messing or this site


Go to Comment
Iziah Ph'rrall
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
MoonHunter's comment on 2005-04-10 09:03 AM
Extra character returns (two- one to end line and one to add a line break) to break up the paragraphs. It is hard to read this way.

The write up is disjointed and confusing. There is not a slow transition between ideas. Try reading your post out loud. Hear what you are saying. This will give you the idea of what needs to be changed.

Clean it up and we will see how it goes. Go to Comment
Iziah Ph'rrall
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Cheka Man's comment on 2005-04-09 05:36 PM
Cliche *yawns* 1/5 Go to Comment
Iziah Ph'rrall
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Loki_Swiftstrike's comment on 2005-04-11 09:51 AM
yeah I wasn't even trying on this guy I was actually just watching a movie with my friends when I wrote this guy down so I barely spent anytime on him. I will edit this guy though. He was one of those pathetic thirty minute write up type of guys. Go to Comment
Iziah Ph'rrall
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2013-04-17 11:08 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Everlasting Cantine
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Magical)
Agar's comment on 2005-04-07 12:48 AM
2/5

Short, but solid backstory.

A bit munchkin. A vampire with one of these looses any villian background and becomes a superpowered junkie. Pouring out lava, acid, or molten gold is way too powerful. Imagine a never ending canteen of spider poision. Yikes!

If it was limited to potable fluids, juices, wines, milk and of course, water, it would be less over powerful.

You could balance it by letting each user only have access to a limited portion each day. Say about 3 gallons of whatever's inside. It's still never ending, because you can pour out more tomorrow, and you'll have enough to survive if it's water, but it won't be an instant artificial volcano.

Brace canteen in place, top down, un cork, vacate premisies. Go to Comment
The Everlasting Cantine
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Magical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2005-04-07 03:26 PM
Sorry I almost destroyed your home and livelyhood. Here, have this shiny canteen.

Not a bad item, if overpowered. I think that the canteen should have no special resistances, and would thus be destroyed by acid, or lava, while normal beverages would be fine.

2/5 Go to Comment
The Everlasting Cantine
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Magical)
EchoMirage's comment on 2005-04-07 12:47 PM
What's so nice about it? even 2nd edition DnD features Decanters of Endless Water, and they can be seen in several games... Nothing New in the West. Go to Comment
The Everlasting Cantine
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Magical)
Dragon Lord's comment on 2005-04-07 08:02 AM
OK - I can see why it exists but there's no justification in making it never-ending - way too munchkin

Also I agree with Agar - should be restricted to water or other potable fluids

2/5 because it's a nice idea but way too powerful Go to Comment
The Everlasting Cantine
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Magical)
Preacher's comment on 2005-04-08 03:49 PM
Good idea, but I have to agree with the rest, too much power. I like Scrasamax's idea to remove the resistances. Go to Comment
The Everlasting Cantine
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Magical)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-09 07:24 PM
Well you have to put the drop of lava in there..that can't be easy. But other stuff molten gold...I have known PCs that would lame this up all day.

Nuttin wrong with it-big mojo, small mojo...it is all contextual Go to Comment
The Everlasting Cantine
Items  (Home/ Personal)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-04-09 12:20 PM
A minecraft bucket before minecraft :)
Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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