Well, if you happened to feed somebody with a dozen of the flies or more, they could really have an impact on your health. Or imagine a swarm of these happening on a sleeping person... annoying, and potentially dangerous. Always mind those little caveats. :)
Okay, you have already gotten the "we need you to clean up your paragraphs and odd characters speach".
I like these insects. They have a good ecology and really have no adventuring purpose (i.e. they don't kill/ maim/ disable adventurers). They fit the color of your world (and othe worlds). Go to Comment
Interesting little creatures. Their biology while unusual, is certainly plausible. Do small predators of the nature that you described, avoid eating bonded suicide flies due to the lethal consequences that might follow? Go to Comment
A bit too contemporary for a "What is the character doing?" chart. Light and funny is perfectly fine in my view, but some of those simply didn't have a feel of anything but modern filler. Go to Comment
Nicely done. It has the details of living - their culture and a flow of history. It explains their process and how they do things. (I would like a little more about the midian-centric elements (i.e. variety of trolls), but I can excuse some of that.) Go to Comment
Teenagers who run away from home to live in the wilderness may become feral. As they become more and more feral, they gain some supernatural powers (a la Peter Pan - ability to fly, things they imagine come true - possibly quite powerful), but at the expense of their humanity and ability to speak, comprehend complex subjects, etc. Maybe they have a leader: the most feral of them all.