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The Land Of Anther, The Plane Of Zardikan-Anther
Locations  (Continent)   (Other)
valadaar's comment on 2010-09-12 06:53 PM
I'm completely in agreement with Pieh on this. Another piece of advice, given to writers everywhere:

Don't blame your audience.


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The Land Of Anther, The Plane Of Zardikan-Anther
Locations  (Continent)   (Other)
Kinnyth's comment on 2010-09-13 07:52 AM
I was going to edit the others also but I dont want this to happen again..... Go to Comment
The Land Of Anther, The Plane Of Zardikan-Anther
Locations  (Continent)   (Other)
Kinnyth's comment on 2010-09-11 08:36 PM
I did not mean you personally lol Go to Comment
The Land Of Anther, The Plane Of Zardikan-Anther
Locations  (Continent)   (Other)
Kinnyth's comment on 2010-09-13 07:49 AM
Can I delete this post I tried editing it and I seem to have posted it again. The new one is better so I dont need this one anymore sorry. Go to Comment
The Land Of Anther, The Plane Of Zardikan-Anther
Locations  (Continent)   (Other)
Kinnyth's comment on 2010-09-14 06:18 AM
Goodbye everyone, this sites too critical for my tastes. I thought I would have some fun but eh whatever see ya. Go to Comment
Shamash's Justice
Items  (Armor)   (Heroic)
Pieh's comment on 2010-09-11 04:57 PM
This one is rather weak. Lots of missing punctuation and lots of holes with the idea. You start out talking about Shamash, who he is, his love, and then him settling down. A brief mention of armor and a challenge, then you list properties of the never described armor. Needs more details about the armor, what this challenge might be, and just more time put into the idea.

It feels like you are writing these too quickly and off the cuff, without putting enough thought or effort into them. Go to Comment
Shamash's Justice
Items  (Armor)   (Heroic)
Cheka Man's comment on 2010-09-11 12:24 PM
Needs more work,I think. What happens if someone tries to steal or buy it? Go to Comment
Shamash's Justice
Items  (Armor)   (Heroic)
valadaar's comment on 2010-09-12 06:51 PM
If it is a simple idea, then an idea seed is the more appropriate place for something this level. Take a look, for example, at other highly voted suits of armor what what we generally look for.

Right now we have armor -no description, with a list of rather powerful abilities, with no indication of its creation, downsides, supporting characters/legends of any consequence or plot hooks for its use.

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Shamash's Justice
Items  (Armor)   (Heroic)
Dossta's comment on 2010-09-13 11:17 AM
More copy-paste from Wikipedia in the first paragraph: "The name simply means "sun" (cognate to Hebrew shemesh and Arabic shams). Both in early and in late inscriptions Shamash is designated as the "offspring of Nannar"; i.e. of the moon-god, and since, in an enumeration of the pantheon, Sin generally takes precedence of Shamash, it is in relationship, presumably, to the moon-god that the sun-god appears as the dependent power."

Please try to avoid doing this, as it really detracts from your posts. Go to Comment
Shamash's Justice
Items  (Armor)   (Heroic)
Kinnyth's comment on 2010-09-14 06:17 AM
Goodbye everyone, this sites too critical for my tastes. I thought I would have some fun but eh whatever see ya. Go to Comment
Gauntlets Of Helios
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Pieh's comment on 2010-09-11 04:51 PM
I like this one a good deal better than the Eye of Ra, yet I still feel like you're not putting enough effort into this to be taken seriously. Come back to these and improve them before posting more submissions, please. Go to Comment
Gauntlets Of Helios
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Cheka Man's comment on 2010-09-11 12:23 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Gauntlets Of Helios
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Dossta's comment on 2010-09-13 11:11 AM
A few things:

1. The first two paragraphs are copy-pasted from Wikipedia. I notice that you italicized them, but you didn't give any other indication that you were quoting directly from a source other than yourself. To avoid accusations of plagiarism, rewrite these or at least cite your source explicitly.

2. I'm honestly confused about Helios' presence here in the first place. Looking over your other submissions, it seems like Anther is the sister-foe of Zardikan in your world. Wouldn't it make more sense for these gloves to be the Gauntlets of Anther? I have the same complaint about your "Eye of Ra" and "Shamash's Justice" submissions -- it feels like you wiki'd "solar deity" and used whatever came up. What's next, the "Cowl of Tonatiuh" or the "Bracers of Sunna"?

The gauntlets themselves are a pretty sweet item with an interesting mix of powers. Though they are a bit over-the-top (think "munchkin's wet dream"), I rather like them!

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Gauntlets Of Helios
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Kinnyth's comment on 2010-09-14 06:18 AM
Goodbye everyone, this sites too critical for my tastes. I thought I would have some fun but eh whatever see ya. Go to Comment
Gauntlets Of Helios
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
Kinnyth's comment on 2010-09-14 06:18 AM
Goodbye everyone, this sites too critical for my tastes. I thought I would have some fun but eh whatever see ya. Go to Comment
The Eye Of Ra
Items  (Armor)   (Heroic)
Pieh's comment on 2010-09-11 04:45 PM
There is a lot about this that I have issues with, it feels very cookie-cutter and can be hard to follow in places. This isn't quite up to the standards of a 3, but I think that is what I will give it.

Welcome to The Citadel! Go to Comment
The Eye Of Ra
Items  (Armor)   (Heroic)
Cheka Man's comment on 2010-09-11 12:22 PM
A good idea, but it could be presented better. Go to Comment
The Eye Of Ra
Items  (Armor)   (Heroic)
Kinnyth's comment on 2010-09-14 06:18 AM
Goodbye everyone, this sites too critical for my tastes. I thought I would have some fun but eh whatever see ya. Go to Comment
The Eye Of Ra
Items  (Armor)   (Heroic)
herrozerro's comment on 2010-11-15 07:57 AM


Im sorry you feel that way, it is one of the things I like about this site.  


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Total Comments:
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