Mmm, what a friendly fellow this Valeras is. Everything seems in order here: Horrid mutations, flesh-ravaging fury and vengeance against those nasty close-minded gods who banished one of their own because they were different. I could like to see the rest of the gods fleshed out, actually. I'd especially enjoy writing up a god who fell victim to Valeras's potent toxins. :) Go to Comment
Jeesh, the feedback others make to put a little more detail into the Bolt of Twilight has created a monster! :)
Seriously, when I started to read the description, I was wondering why people ever worship these things but that became pretty clear early on. This is an excellent alternative to the generic evil gods of death.
There are only two things that I dislike about this item... One, it is a sort of "evil for evil's sake" item, which I can live with, the other, that it is associated with "lone assassins", and Cthulhu knows we don't need any more of THOSE.
But in any case... It's good!
I adjusted it so the bolt has a purpose (reviving the dead god; only corrupted souls can be used to fuel his rebirth) and to remove the 'lone gunman' effect by making the priesthood responsible - for a reason that fits them - they want their master revived, his power restored, and presumably a horrible vengeance exacted upon whoever or whatever caused him to vanish in the first place. Go to Comment
Nicely done. It grants a certain degree of explanation as to why certain groups and things exist. Perhaps the various members of these groups were nicked by the bolt by the creating member. Go to Comment
The thing that stands out above was the use of the 'lone assassin'. It makes me think of that movie Arlington Road where it summed up the theory of the Lone Person being the most publicly favored since once the person is arrested or killed, their evil is ended. No one wants to think that the assassin was really just a single person in a group that could be much, much larger. Go to Comment
I semi agree with CP here... the item itself is great. It is well thought out and has a perfect reason to exist. However the reason for reasons sake of being created to repeat the cycle of evil, while a perfect reason, is old and been done and nto really realistic anymore. But again as CP said, this is good. The way it is brought forth makes this that much better. A normal 3.0 out of me came to a 4.0 due to the unique quality of the tie in with the punishment of the assassin and the actual effect of the item. Kudos. Go to Comment