Right, so. When I wrote this up, it was late, and I was in a twitchy fever/shivering fit. As such, it probably has a fair bit of room for improvement. Given that Siren called it 'interesting' and another friend who I use to gauge the disturbing nature of things called it 'nice', I'm fairly sure it can use some help.
Who says he was a god of Good? He was a god of war. Early deeds were painted in glory and honor because his priests were detailing them and had good reason to try to glorify his acts. Who know what misdeeds and tragedies he caused when no one was recording?
I honestly try to shy away from defined good/evil sets when fiddling with deities, these days. Rivalries, disputes, alliances, and betrayals make for much more interesting backgrounds than "This is the Sun God. He is the Keeper of Life and Lord of Good." Go to Comment
... Why feel sorry for him? He serve his purpose in the mythos of this world. He is the apocalypse. Who is to say that in the scheme of things, that this is not a greater and more glorious purpose than any warlord? Evil too, has its place in the world. Go to Comment
Mmm, what a friendly fellow this Valeras is. Everything seems in order here: Horrid mutations, flesh-ravaging fury and vengeance against those nasty close-minded gods who banished one of their own because they were different. I could like to see the rest of the gods fleshed out, actually. I'd especially enjoy writing up a god who fell victim to Valeras's potent toxins. :) Go to Comment
Jeesh, the feedback others make to put a little more detail into the Bolt of Twilight has created a monster! :)
Seriously, when I started to read the description, I was wondering why people ever worship these things but that became pretty clear early on. This is an excellent alternative to the generic evil gods of death.
There are only two things that I dislike about this item... One, it is a sort of "evil for evil's sake" item, which I can live with, the other, that it is associated with "lone assassins", and Cthulhu knows we don't need any more of THOSE.
But in any case... It's good!
I adjusted it so the bolt has a purpose (reviving the dead god; only corrupted souls can be used to fuel his rebirth) and to remove the 'lone gunman' effect by making the priesthood responsible - for a reason that fits them - they want their master revived, his power restored, and presumably a horrible vengeance exacted upon whoever or whatever caused him to vanish in the first place. Go to Comment
Nicely done. It grants a certain degree of explanation as to why certain groups and things exist. Perhaps the various members of these groups were nicked by the bolt by the creating member. Go to Comment
The thing that stands out above was the use of the 'lone assassin'. It makes me think of that movie Arlington Road where it summed up the theory of the Lone Person being the most publicly favored since once the person is arrested or killed, their evil is ended. No one wants to think that the assassin was really just a single person in a group that could be much, much larger. Go to Comment