Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Kuni Hono
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Barbarian Horde's comment on 2005-04-21 10:27 PM
I think this is a neat character, with an interesting background story, but the writing needs some polishing. I also think some things need to be elaborated on, while others don't require as much detail as you have. For example, why did the guy who trained the npc blackmail someone into taking him as an apprentice. What did he gain from that? I totally missed that. Tweak it a little and you'll be on the right track. :) Go to Comment
Kuni Hono
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
MoonHunter's comment on 2005-04-22 09:39 AM
For once, I am agreeing with the annoymous comment.

The write up does not answer the obvious questions that crop up in the existing write up. While there is a great deal of focus on some parts, it becomes uncharacteristically spartan in others.

Smooth out the level of description and it will be better rated.

And keep posting. We like what we have seen so far. Go to Comment
Kuni Hono
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2015-08-25 10:07 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Kuni Hono
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Moonlake's comment on 2015-07-05 02:22 AM
Agreed with assessments from above. Needs polishing but has an underlying core that shows promise Go to Comment
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       By: Shadoweagle

The party is walking through the forest at night when they come upon a clearing. Half a dozen black-robed corpses lie scattered across the ground, and a pentagram of blood is shoddily drawn in the dirt.
It seems these people summoned something they could not control. Whether or not the demon returns is up to the GM, but it would be just as rich if the demon never returned, and for the rest of the night, every stray sound or odd shadow will be jumped at!

Encounter  ( Forest/ Jungle ) | June 12, 2013 | View | UpVote 4xp