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The Human Clock
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-12-28 01:52 PM
Updated: Moved to In Work Go to Comment
The Human Clock
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2006-12-28 11:32 AM
I will vote later, I like the idea of this, but too short. Go to Comment
The Human Clock
Items  (Other)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-28 07:23 AM
Interesting idea, but what Moonhunter said. Way too short. Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
manfred's comment on 2006-12-26 03:57 AM
You offered some good advice here, Wulfhere! It seems to me that Red Fox was a skilled rebel/freedom fighter, with the legends and all.

I see this is more a legendary organisation, than a present one. Is there a chance of it to re-form again, if the resistance is not over yet? Or there actually exist individuums, and tiny groups, that follow the example, but are not organised together in any way? Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
manfred's comment on 2006-12-31 08:06 AM
A nice update, that we have missed apparently. A little spellcheck may be still in order, but the concept laid out is complete.

Plot hook: what if the rebel leader, so popular, that he inspires acts of resistance even after so many years, is not completely dead... well, dead he is, but a ghost of him is rumoured to persist, unable or unwilling to pass on. And then, somebody is captured in the red armour, and claims to have been possessed by his ghost! Is it just the lie of a criminal, or is the ghost really around, after all those years, possessing people and trying to bring down those that killed him. A paranoid ruler would definitely want to check this. Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-12-27 02:37 PM
So let us know you have done the update

You could leave the "Generic Exalted" information in... but make sure you list it as an Exalated piece

Designed for Exalted Campaign at the top of the body of the piece. It may not help the scoring, but it will let you have generic Exalted information be included.

Might I suggest that you add more line returns and spaces between paragraphs and sections? It makes it easier to read.

And loose the last line here Can the fractured league be put together without the Fox?

Now I would like you to add "plot hooks" how one might utilize this group in their campaign, without the PCs being members of the group. Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-12-31 11:48 AM
Nicely done. Good ideas. A little choppy in parts (and the said mentioned spell check). Try reading the post outloud and you will find the spots I am mentioning. Still a nice semi-legendary little group. Paw up Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-01-09 05:59 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2007-01-10 12:23 PM
I somehow missed this one originally as well and thank you to Cheka Man and Muro for bringing it back.

I echo a lot of statements made here about readability/ thought process, etc. The who, what, where, why, and when are minorly detailed and in some points vague. While that is a good thing to do for a generic concept to be dropped into any campaign world, it needs more to understand the whys.

Who did kill him and why? Was it one of his men? What was his motivation? Did the man that told him of the raid actually lead him out into the open to be killed, making it seem like he was trying to warn him? But knowing his morals and personality he knew that Eric would stand alone? Possible.

Was it a mear assassin who followed the presumed turncaot and waited for the silent moment of judgement? Also possible, if a bit simplistic.

It is mentioned about passing from children to children, to children. How many generations has passed since the original group was formed? If it has been three generations then that is still a short enough time that the group still should be fresh in the mind of the locals and nobles. If that is the case then the feeling about them will be far different then the feeling and vibe I am getting off reading this. To me it seems they are long gone and forgotten. But if it is only a few generations then they still should be strong and the possibility of them reforming should be almost a given if the nobles are still cracking down on the populace.

That is my long winded 2 cents... hope it actually makes sense. Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
Murometz's comment on 2007-01-09 09:08 PM
Not many people go back again and again for the purposes of improving a post. Good job, Jarons20, and welcome, I missed this one the first time around somehow. The plot hooks are fun. Looking forward to your next idea! (or a further unveiling of the legends surrounding the League of Fox.) Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-14 11:52 PM
I know you have changed a lot of this since people 1st voted, but I think this a jumbled mess. So perhaps this has been over edited.
The overall post conveys very little, you would give us just as much information if you had said "What if Robin Hood died a martyr and lived on as a legend" This is devoid of any detail, the details it does provide are unclear and thus distracting and it lacks surprise or novelty.

I have listed some sections and followed those up with questions.

1)-Learning a mastery of archery under Red Fox the five applied their skill against any target pointed out by his discerning eye quickly becoming a thorn in the side of the territorial armies and the men who owned them.-

You don't introduce the five prior this sentence. This I believe is important, as you discuss later the children of the original five, the uniforms they wore must have been distinctive, and that those uniforms are some how passed one so that with the addition of 10 uniforms you have 15 members. Additionally, and this is less important, we don't know if the League are assassins , robbers or warriors trying to carve out territory. It may be enough to know that they were hated by the nobles, but if you had a larger vision of the League's tactics and methods it is not coming through.

2 (three parter) -As the age passed Red Fox continued to speak out against the ruling class and teach others his skill and techniques as the League grew in size, but the world had changed.-

A) What did Red Fox have to say besides he ruling class was bad? He obviously wanted a ruling class that put the people first but did he have specific model in mind?

B) -the League grew is size- Does the League consist of more than the 5-15 warriors?

C)The world changing suggests that there was a paradigm shift in the types of institutions and values of society. All you say in this paragraph is that the nobles were getting more ruthless in their pursuit of him. Considering his original beef with the Nobles that seems par for the course.

3)-construction of 10 additional uniforms -

Again is there something special about these uniforms?

4)-was slain before he would ever see his plans come to fruition.-
What was his plan? Had the League been destroyed and he been acting alone? Was he going to start an open rebellion? By promising the fighters places for their children in his organization was he laying the ground work for a herditary feudal system?

5)-One of the Fifteen was approached by the general of the Lords private guard with the intent to turn him against his leader and perhaps spare his own life in the process but the message was passed directly to Red Fox,-
5-A) It is 15 including Red right?

5-B) So Red walks knowingly into the trap so that the Lord will think his plan worked and he won't punish the member of the 15 who warned Red?

6)-League had not scattered as he commanded. As his body was taken by troops to burn, the Fourteen came down upon them attacking from the trees and bushes circling the remaining force.-
They watched him die and waited until after he was dead to act?

7) What were Red Fox's last words? I am going to guess they were something like
"This is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth? I'm coming to join ya, honey!"

8) Again what is the deal with his armor?

9) This post has a fairly high score. Is this a really good post and I am just a fool? Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
axlerowes's comment on 2009-04-14 11:52 PM
Seriously has this changed a lot since the original post? Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
valadaar's comment on 2006-12-31 07:47 AM
Did not see it when it came in, but I think this is a really good first post and an interesting take on a rebel group.

The plot hooks are pretty good as well! Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
Wulfhere's comment on 2006-12-26 01:25 AM
Welcome! This embattled band is a good first submission! It is creative and has a number of ways that it could be used. You have a knack for vivid writing.

The League of Fox can be an excellent piece, but it would benefit from some revision. This has potential, but you overestimate our ability to understand the vision you spread before us.

Please add an introductory paragraph with more about Red Fox and this group he formed. As I understand it, in the "First Age" (of ?), a short rogue named Eric, also known as the "Red Fox of Taught String", organized a criminal band. The purpose of this group is not clear.

Eventually, one of the group's 15 members was approached by their enemies, who wanted him to betray Red Fox. He instead warned his leader, who ordered the others into hiding and attempted to hold off their enemies alone so his men could escape.

They disobeyed him and avenged his death, carrying off his remains.

Questions that I would like to know more about include the following: What did they stand for? Are these rebels, freedom fighters, soldiers, or bandits? Why should they reform?

Red Fox was evidently killed by treachery. Was his killer a member of his band, some other betrayer not detected?

As a minor style note, if you add an extra space between each paragraph, it is easier to read.

Please revise this; let it achieve its potential! Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
Jarons20's comment on 2006-12-28 02:18 AM
Updated: A little bit of editing Go to Comment
League of Fox
Society/ Organizations  (Criminal/Espionage)   (Regional)
Jarons20's comment on 2006-12-31 04:14 PM
Updated: Trying again, rewrote some sentences so they sound gramatically correct Go to Comment
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       By: ephemeralstability

The village sits on the edge of the deep fjord, often engulfed in mist or rain. Its people are fishermen, who work even through the sea-ravaging winter. And they pray to the gods of the deep.

At the beginning of every winter they hold a summoning ceremony. Three boats are taken out into the fjord, a hornsman on each. The mournful horns are blown in the language of the whales, the gods of the deep. The whales sometimes appear in answer to these calls, and it is taken as a good omen when they do.

To a party of PCs wandering the misty hills and valleys nearby however, the doleful whalesong of the horns can be disturbing and misinterpreted...

Ideas  ( Locations ) | September 24, 2002 | View | UpVote 0xp