I like this fundementally. Just a couple of things.
1) She is one dimensional. Even the Jedis were not one dimensional. What Echo said.
She needs ROLEPLAY NOTES, telling how to play this character.
2) All the Knights were in the Cathedral? Weren't there some Knights actually on assignements?
3) There was only one "center" for the knights? You mean there isn't another citadel or cathedral in another country that the Knights had.
IS SHE THE LAST ONE? It seems to be implied in the write up.
4) The cathedral was annihilated in a towering inferno the night of Selynâs birthday. Witnesses describe an unholy god moving through the flaming ashes, bringing insanity and pain with a mere touch.
Okay, this is just a more poetic version of the I'M AN ORPHAN CLICHE. This annoyed me.
5) For the continuity, write up the organization, its equipment, and history and linked it back to this character (and the character back to it)
http://www.strolen.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=659 or its own thread. The items can be included in that or listed as items on the first page, linked back to the organization thread/ post. Go to Comment
The descriptions are nice, but still Selyn remains one-dimensional.
Consider: what does she live for except for vengence? Bingo.
Very few people 'work' 24h a day, and neither will she. How is she like during her 'free; time?
How does she react to matters NOT pertaining to her quest? Will she just say "bad command or file name" anytime the PCs adress a topic not related to demonhunting and battle... ignoring them?
A low-end 3. Go to Comment
This sort of item (random effect, what could be better? Wee!) has been done to death.
On the upside, fairly interesting presentation, though one would think that people would come up with something more interesting to represent chaos than shifting colors. Meh. Y'know, just my cantakerousness speaking.
Understand that I love glyphs and such, and they are of importance to my setting. They are, to me, what orbs are to Moon (or what I presume orbs are to Moon :)).
Why on earth would anyone create such a glyph? Unless it was the very god of insanity and chaos himself who created this rune, out of some mischievous whim, it seems entirely illogical.
And... Have you read Dragonlance lately? The writhing runes reminded me of when I read about Raistlin, an "evil" twin brother in that series, and when he tried to decipher a tome from another "evil" magician. The runes were silver upon black leather and they were writhing, defying logic and causing him a headache.
There is promise in this. However, it is a common, touch below average post.
Its a "bad guy" with a fairly basic, almost cliche reason for being one.
I do like the semi-mysterious way he got the powers. However, just because he never talks about it... the GM should know how he gained them... so he can build upon it. It is the whole narriator/ GM, reader/pc bit. It is a slight cop out not to explain this.
A little more explanation of Bloodsmithing would be nice for those of us who do not have all those new D20 books.
To make your next set of posts better, might I suggest...
1) Increase the amount of description in the post... help us see, feel, hear, smell, and so on the character and its history.
2) Increase the amount of explanation in the post. This one skates through some important aspects. Remember that you need to explain fully, or imply a great deal, in your write up.
3) Remember to touch on where the character came from, what it is doing now/ recently (in this case... what is he doing while travelling from village to village), and what he will be doing in the future (showing his motivations).
4) Check out some other posts, those that were four and five stars and try to emulate that level of posting.
5) Your work shows promise. Let see an improved version of this post soon AND a new post taking this advice into consideration. Go to Comment
A Cloak of Shadows that causes mushrooms to grow in its own shadow. A crouching theif might find himself in a ring of poisonous toadstools, an interesting thing for a sentry to find after the thief has left hiding place.