What the hell?!
What happened to the character that was here before?
This is definitely an improvement. Ignore my above comment.
I just have to say that the backstory is fairly good, but not all that original.
"Thin in complextion". You mean thin in build. Complection is the general color and texture and such of the skin. For instance, this character's complection is "pale, almost milky white".
Not bad. Definitely an improvement.
This is not a terribly cliche character but it is close, so we will give you at least some merit on character creation.
However, the character should not be posted in first person, as this character is one that you are posting up for everyone in the world to use, not you to use (on this site anyways). Have you seen any other character posted in first person (on this site)?
From there, I need you to answer, who, what, where, when, and why for every aspect of your character.
The character's history is too spartan, too incomplete to be useful to anyone. Why this might be sufficient for a poorly run play by forum game, it will not fly here.
The character's powers are okay, as far as they go. However, you need to explain what they are, how they manifest themselves, how they look in the game, and who you learned them from. Does your character snap her finger and poof she is an animal, or is it a long and dragged out process like Werewolf in London, or does it require mystic totem items and a fire to dance about?
Firepoker of ass kicking. This is where your character fails. It is not even funny. It is enough to make us just want to delete your obvious joke post immediately.
So. There is a lot of fix here. The question we ask is, "Are you going to do it?"
As for the rest of you, stop lamenting how bad this character is. Put one biHELPFUL AND non critical/i/b comment up here, and leave it alone. If they fix it, we keep it. If they do not, it will quietly fade away into the deleted file, not even worth the electrons it takes to store it. Go to Comment