Yes, you either need to more completely cover the subjects as there are a couple of annoying gaps OR you need to create associated posts and make sure they are linked. (You can do an annoitation, saying that the post is comming).
An interesting concept all around.
I do need to know about the motivation of their culture, the whys of the betrayals, the reasons why they are still conquoring now, and so on.
I do have an annoyance: "The Malcavas are unified under a single leader, who can be officially changed only once every forty years. This leader is called the Se'maj Sa'mot, and he/she is considered a god by all Malcavas. " So their God changes every 40 years? Needs a lot more explaining please. Go to Comment
What a curious setting you have presented, being god slayers, and having just about any gadget or spell imaginable, I would think the Malcavas to be grossly overpowered. The biggest question I have thus far is how did they manage to destroy the god of fate? Go to Comment
This submission is good, but it seems to lack detail where the history is important. A race doesn't just defy the god that created it for no good reason, but I don't see one here. I am also fuzzy about the "unforgivable crimes" the Malcavas have committed, unless you are also referring to the actions they took against their god.
On a better note, you described their society with care, and your initiation ceremony is clever (though they might run out of gods eventually). The combination of technological, arcane, and divine power that is directed in an ancient fight to annihilate the gods is fun.
Oh yeah, when the Malcavas defected from their god, did they all agree? It seems like it might be a point of contention. Go to Comment
The crimes of the Malcavas are detailed more in The Book of Krot, but I am not sure how I would present it here(on the web site). It has very game specific information which would lead to even more questions. From my two posts I am learning I don't know where to cut off the information.
As far as gods are concerned in my multiverse, there are countless numbers of gods. The Malcavas attempt to destroy all gods is very foolish. When a god dies, it breaks down into componet parts which will attempt to reform in some fashion. In a quote above from The Book of Krot I mentioned- the smaller ones and smaller ones. These are lesser aspects of gods.
The real reason for the murder of the Malcavas god is not clear, even to their people. It is the belief that the Anord-Droch left with that answer. Some also belive that that the god of fate, being in fact the god of fate, planed it from the start for some divine reason.
1.I do need to know about the motivation of their culture, the whys of the betrayals, the reasons why they are still conquering now, and so on.
The Malcavas have many text, inscribed by past I'sa'Ir which refers to a prophecy given by one of the small ones (a fragment of a god or in some cases now a lesser deity). This prophecy states that if The God of Fate were to return they would be cast into an inescapable void for all eternity. They kill the gods to gather power and to prevent the small ones from reforming into the god Fate. Note: most gods that they have slain are outside my current campaign's universe. The majority of the 'Gods' refer to in the text are fragments of the god of Fate. To average joe in my world, these fragment are full fledged, but narrow minded gods.
2.This leader is called the Se'maj Sa'mot, and he/she is considered a god by all Malcavas. " So their God changes every 40 years? Needs a lot more explaining please.
I made a mistake here, the Sa'mot is considered god like in power, but not a god. Sorry about that the Malcavas worship no god.
The cycle of change is 40 years, unless the Sa'mot somehow dies. The Sa'mot must revitalize at the slaughter stone at that time. If the Sa'mot were to die, the trip to the slaughter stone would need to be sooner rather than later.
I do have a tendency to throw a lot of info, or leads out there, all at one time...sorry. I do this to make my gaming world look larger, to leave room for me to build other stories that fascinate me, and to make my players over think my plot lines. Cheap trick I know but it works well and sometimes my players come up with better plots than I do...and it never hurts to let them think they were right all along.
The writing is excellent, but I am having a bit of trouble sorting out the details.
What is provided is good for use as legends to provide to PCs, etc when researching the item, but the real details of the item would be useful. At some point we need a little more then pure narration. Some of the other formatting tools - Bold, Italics, BlockQuotes, in moderation, would help as well.
Where did it really come from and what are it's abilities?
That said, for a 1st submission, it is really good. Go to Comment
An intriguing piece. The prose is full of interesting details and poetic images, almost too much so. I found it difficult to undrstand the powers of the stone the way that they are described in the final letter.
Your spellchecker has betrayed the trust you placed in it, Exile: The text has a number of words that were not what you intended. You will want to carefully review what you have written and mend the gremlins' interjections. I recommend that you read the text aloud to yourself; this will allow you to see the places where it doesn't read as it should.
I am eager to see the piece that this will become when it has fully blossomed. My vote awaits that time. Go to Comment
Thanks folks, all comments help. I still have some learning to do, as far as using the web site...but I am sure I will get the hang of it. I do have a tendency to throw a lot of info, or leads out there, all at one time...sorry. I do this to make my gaming world look larger, to leave room for me to build other stories that fascinate me, and to make my players over think my plot lines. Cheap trick I know but it works well and sometimes my players come up with better plots than I do...and it never hurts to let them think they were right all along.
I have long since defined many things, or all, in the above text and will be submitting connected text in the future. Go to Comment