You wrote a beautiful description. Core idea is pretty good, too.
I have to agree that "minor artifact" and "one shot" don't really seem to jibe. Scale down the power (a good lightning or rain storm is plenty, without massive destruction - and might even have many more interesting uses), and make it a creatable object, and I think it's a winner (and still very powerful).
I'm also confused by the title, "Sands of Fury" -- there's no sand! I have to admit, my first thought was hourglass -> sand -> timed sandstorm (feel free to take the credit if you can use it). Go to Comment
I have no problem with it being essentially a one-use item - that's fine
I DO have a problem with it being way too over-powered - an entire hurricane, with all the attendant destructive power, just by breaking a glass vial - a little rain and small lighting bolt is MORE than enough
I also don't like "ancient artefact" type items - it's a cop-out
Basic idea - pretty good (4)
Way too powerful (-1)
Ancient artefact (-1)
But really cool special effects (+1/2)
So - 2.5 / 5 Go to Comment
Personally, I like powerful items (to a degree) and a one shot hurricane item does not bother me, so long as it was dang expensive and difficult to create.
It could easily cause an "Oh Crap!" moment :)
I would have it take effect over a slightly longer period then 30 seconds. To affect miles and miles of clouds, the magic effect would need to take a while.
What if there were no clouds? I could see them appearing, but 30 seconds?
Now, this really is the equivalent to a magic Atomic Bomb and would need to be treated as such with attendant magical protections, security forces, etc.
An enemy mage could easily teleport (if available) into a city, plant and activate it, and then leave. Go to Comment
Hmmm...I think Simon was better than this one.
We do get a good idea of his personality, and I like the name. However, the whole tattooes thing:
"He does not remember where the tattoos came from. While doing a mercenary job for a church, he was confronted with the monks of a dark god. He cannot recall what happened after he first saw them, but remembers waking up in their monastary, bald and tattooed. He slew them all before they realized he had gained consciousness, fulfilling his contract."
That leaves me cold. Oh well.
How about this for an idea: the tattoos of the cult were intended to bind him to the will of cult (he sounds like the sort of person who'd be very useful to a dark cult). Unfortunately for them, the spell was such that someone has to conciousless assert their will over the tattooed victim: as Wasp slew them all before they realised he had regained consciousness he foiled their plan. Two possible uses for this are:
a) The cult wasn't unique: this leaves Wasp vulnerable to falling under the sway of the followers of this dark god should he come across them again.
b) Someone else could recognise the tattoos and assume that Wasp is a minion of this dark cult. They would then presumably try to kill him, get him locked up or panic, depending on their temperament. Go to Comment