Manfred captured some of my thoughts. A long flowing story that was very well done. The interspersed quotes broke up the reading quite well and gave me some concrete sections to capture, might be too unwieldy without them. Go to Comment
In some way, she reminded me of Galadriel - not due to any similarity, but for all the contrast, and yet akin epical impact on the surroundings the 'Lady of the Forest' will have. She would prove to be an amusing benefactor, just don't forget your position, ever.
I was surprised to find forests in Nesseraum, considering it is a blasted desert of mutants and drug addled cultists. That aside, there were a few spelling errors, mostly the last letter being left off of worlds, clas instead of claws, fiels instead of fields. The spacing of the paragraphs and the margins seem choppy and it could use a good polishing just from the formatting end.
Technicalities aside, I liked this submission, and the way the perspective move from bird to bird. The only real request I have is a link back to the Intelligent Race that inspired this character. Go to Comment
I was enraptured reading this, Echo. Wondferfully written, especially the, "if we were to fly..." stuff! She is somewhat familiar, in that vague, alien sense. A beautiflly rendered NPC! A queen's queen. Full of majesty, guarded grace, and natural power.
Her tale flows well and doesnt bog down anywhere. Cant think of any criticisms. Perhaps a bit more on interacting with Seheth from a PC perpective, but then again, this legendary tale doesnt really need it the ubiquitous plothooks.
One question. Umm, Nesseraum? I believe I have a pock-marked desert land on this site, which bears same name ;)
this is a situation known to relax the sphincters :) Go to Comment
The third was Pereth, the one who controlled many. His twisting could be the creation of many - he would make the crowds of various miscreatures, which he unfortunately cannot control, only send on to create havoc. The one with the strongest presence cannot have a physical presence at all.
...ok, just a thought, but it would be interesting if the big bads were all 'living' in some kind of personal hell, unable to fully realize their fate, while their evil could easily destroy the whole world. Go to Comment
I really like the description of this setting; it's not every thing that can lend itself to high fantasy or to more of a horror feel. And I'm always fond of settings involving fae in a major role. I think you captured the innate... um, contrariness, I think, of the fae. I also like the fact that you present a different veiw of the conflict between factions, rather than the Seelie vs the Unseelie courts.
Couple of things. I got the idea that the Blizzard Rider and the White Queen were two of the three major corrupted fae (or at least avatars of such), and later on you mention the minions of Malev, which are presumably the various monsters and frozen enemies. You might want to clarify that a little, maybe explain how they managed this after being sealed away. (Or indicate otherwise, if I'm wrong.)
Also, are the various frozen creatures some sort of undead, or just crazed and ensorcelled? The Blizzard Rider in particular didn't seem to care much about getting run through. If someone/thing freezes to death or otherwise succumbs to the cold, do they become an enemy? I know Winter in general is an enemy in this setting, but why does it sap the magic? (I'm just curious about that, you might not need to explain it.)
Ah, the only other thing I can think of is you might want to tone down some of the flowery descriptions in the first half of the sub, it's a little hard to follow sometimes. I like the little excerpts/quotes, they add a lot of color to the sub. (You might should take another look at the first quote. It's got some nasty run-on sentences that make it really hard to read.) Go to Comment
I like this, it makes the fey into avatars of chaos and power, and in the same style lays them low. Of this I approve. The tone throughout the piece remains solid and consistant, but I would second Ria's point, I too thought the Blizzard Rider and White Queen were ressurections of the imprisoned fae.
Two other points: Steel isnt the same thing as iron, and thought it is mostly iron that is not enough. I would change the net of steel to either a net of iron, or chain swathing. The Second point is that I have come to expect that the fae are life and magic and possibility wrapped into one insane ball. The powers of the abyss and undeath should be as anathema to the fae as cold iron, something that not even the most insane fae would be willing or able to handle.
I was going to ask about Pereth since he seemed to be left out. I would add some sort of characterization to the section about the whispering wind to give more of a hint that there is more to the wind that just haunting noises. Such phenomenon are not exactly uncommon in fantasy settings. Go to Comment