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The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2007-09-09 05:54 PM
Updated: You're right; spiders don't make sense, so I've changed it to other plain-dwellers who might seek shelter.
The large amount of dust is partially because the ghost is one of those resentful types, who tries to get away with as little work as possible, and partially because I envisage animals frequently walking in and out of the shrine - perhaps to drink from the troughs - and they would track dust behind them.

As for poor Emperor Haius, I typed 'the Magnificent' at first, but my fingers refused to stop there. Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Murometz's comment on 2007-09-11 01:24 PM
a diamond-studded suit of leather barding? wow, depending on size and cut of said studs, it could be worth a freakin fortune/small kingdom/kiss the economy goodbye!!

I'm guessing they are chips and flakes, for the sparkle and visual effect?

As to the dungeon, I like it! Nice twists and turns as others have said . Good work! Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
valadaar's comment on 2007-09-09 01:11 PM
I think this is quite good - nicely done! I like the twist. Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Wulfhere's comment on 2007-09-09 02:51 PM
I like the names, especially "Emperor Haius the Magnificently Obese". The plot is suitably "twisty" with several interesting surprises.

There were a few details that I found hard to credit, though: If "This is the tomb of an ancient knight, later made politician", who "fought in countless battles", I would expect the fact that he was a horse to be remembered, unless the tomb was truly ancient and forgotten.

Additionally, the ghost is sweeping the dusty shrine, moving the dust, so why is the shrine so dusty? A recent windstorm? The wrath of the dust gods? The ghost just came back from a trip to Florida?

Lastly, giant spiders are recommended foes for the shrine, but I would expect the ghost to interfere with any webs they build, so maybe something else would be more appropriate. Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
manfred's comment on 2007-08-20 02:36 PM
The format is okay, since it is rather compact content. Scroll or codex content should be longer IMO - and this seems to have just the right size.


Back to the submission: I have to agree with val's objection here - a campaign defining item should have a more serious background. These things change the world completely.

Another thing that should be explored are the means of getting rid of it. Throwing it to your neighbor is one, okay. What if someone throws it into the sea? What if they are buried in some region far away? Or thrown in a volcano to sink into the earth? I'd bet they would find their way to civilized countries eventually, though it may take some time.

I have to add that I like the idea itself, as the stones: they explain a lot for the setting that features them. Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
manfred's comment on 2007-08-23 05:36 AM
I find myself in need of re-evaluating my vote. The backstory is still a little unfitting generic high fantasy, but I remembered old Indian tales I've read ages ago. In those was a small village the largest concept one could conceive, and stories would often begin with two people living alone in a hut; out of these humble beginnings would come events that defined the whole world.

Not to digress, but if these stones are employed, they define their world, and there's bound to be many legends surrounding their existence, and creation. There will be the legend of a cruel god, that wanted all to suffer, and sent these evils down; but another god or great hero collected most of them, and crushed them into small stones. There will be the story of a king whose sons vain and proud, divided their lands and made war upon each other. There can be more.


What I want to say is, that the legend is applicable. Good work, DLM. Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
Cheka Man's comment on 2011-02-27 11:47 AM


Bad luck to the PCs who loot one or more of these.


Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2007-08-14 05:45 PM
Updated: What I'd really like advice on is whether this format looks good. Since there will eventually be four similar items, do you think this format will work? Or should I use a scroll? Or stubs for each type of Stone? Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2007-08-16 03:34 PM
Updated: Updated: Okay, I'm submitting this because it seems to be done, but I'd still like to know if you think this format works. Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
valadaar's comment on 2007-08-19 07:37 PM
An interesting set of cursed items, though I am of two minds of the origin story.

I like the story, but it does not seem to justify a powerful, permenant bringer of doom. Go to Comment
The Zhardun
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (World Wide)
manfred's comment on 2007-08-11 01:25 PM
Now how do the Zhardun actually learn the good deeds of a given deceased? Do they know him/her so well, or does the family supply the information? Or is there something supernatural involved?

In any case, the Zhardun become the actual priests of their community, and you can bet they will be treated specially.

Also, what happens to those that die on their own, are lost, or completely unknown to those that find their bodies? What if the rites have to be performed for an unknown person - or what if they cannot be performed due to a missing body? Perhaps they will receive a judgment as well, but without the professional assistance? The good people have not much to fear - but it is clear most will be glad to have that support.


But this is only scratching on the surface of the topic. It is a deep change to any given culture, and I like the potential of it. Go to Comment
The Zhardun
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (World Wide)
MoonHunter's comment on 2007-08-13 02:51 PM
Manfred's questions are the same as my own.

I would assume that there was a magic of sometype for the list of good deeds.

And also assume that they function as specialty priests for the dead and dying. It would be interesting if it they are part of a binary religion, if the other dominent religion does not have good funerary rites (like Shinto and Bhuddism in Japan).

We can infer some of the answers from the basics presented, but I would like to see a bit more.

It is a lovely piece though, with a pack of good ideas. It just needs a bit more explanation. Go to Comment
The Zhardun
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (World Wide)
Maggot's comment on 2007-08-11 04:09 AM
What Cheka said. Necromancers who actually serve the forces of virtue. Now that is truly something! Go to Comment
The Zhardun
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (World Wide)
Scrasamax's comment on 2007-08-13 11:50 AM
An interesting premise, such a culture will have a very strong connection to death and the afterlife, much like the Egyptian culture. In addition to what everyone else has already said, I would add that a canny necromancer could make a decent living as a false Zhardun, he has the bag of tricks to stomp around with a pack of undead, plus gets the money and the respect. Go to Comment
The Zhardun
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (World Wide)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-08-10 08:06 PM
Death is not the end in that soceity, also a good reason for all the evil undead. Go to Comment
The Zhardun
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (World Wide)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2007-08-14 04:09 PM
Updated: I believe I've answered the questions; most of what I added is in the Strange Circumstances section, near the bottom, although some also squeezed into Rites of Death. Go to Comment
The Zhardun
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (World Wide)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2013-04-01 05:13 PM
Coming back to this one, I'm thinking that you could run a neat campaign with all of the PCs as undead. Sort of a French Foreign Legion or Dirty Dozen kinda thing, with all the PCs being horrible people forced to do good stuff in order to redeem themselves and escape the consequences of their old lives. Go to Comment
The Zhardun
Society/ Organizations  (Ethnic/Cultural)   (World Wide)
valadaar's comment on 2007-08-13 12:00 PM
Quite interesting! Another good look into the whole topic of necromancy... Go to Comment
The Mausoleum
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
manfred's comment on 2007-08-03 02:08 PM
Would love better formatting here, but it's not a real problem.

Great inn! Something about it makes you want to use it. Go to Comment
The Mausoleum
Locations  (Establishment)   (Any)
manfred's comment on 2007-08-03 02:15 PM
This is a brand new product, so you may not know it. A Stub is typically a submission that you don't finish - at that point, or ever - but it has useful information that expands some other submission(s). Mechanic-wise, you don't get XP for it, people can't vote on it etc. It is something incomplete, that is still out there in the public - but you can of course finish it later and make it a normal submission.

(In case this isn't very clear, peek into its parent forum post or simply ask. :) ) Go to Comment
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