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Tallyorans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
manfred's comment on 2007-09-22 04:12 PM
Nice update! Go to Comment
Tallyorans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
manfred's comment on 2007-09-21 12:40 PM
I like how the cold-blooded nature distorted their development - along with the solution. A few more comments:

- I find the concept of a gas giant concentrating sunlight on another planet hard to accept... it would have to be a truly unique composition of gases indeed; a strange kind of atmosphere; and a strong relation between the positions of the sun, the gas giant, and the planet (Lagrange points would do the trick). But, it is probably not impossible, and there are other ways a planet could gain a Heat Zone, so let's keep it.

- Weather is made in a large part by differences in temperature. So if there are radically different regions, like on this planet, there will be quite some exchange of air between them. Methinks you should add some really strong weather to this world.

- How is Tallis actually made? The exact process is not important, but it seems that it can be only produced on their homeworld. No matter how difficult it is, there will be a) attempts to reproduce it, and b) replacement drugs, experimental even.

Still a good submission, these fellows have some colour. Go to Comment
Tallyorans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
dark_dragon's comment on 2007-09-22 08:39 AM
Me likes too. I agree about the weather also. Good idea, and worthwhile execution. Somewhat reminded of Dune, but the reptillian take and the pirating show this is original. And the implementation of the suggestions answers some questions. A well deserved 4/5! Good one. Go to Comment
Tallyorans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Stomphoof's comment on 2007-10-05 10:54 AM
*thumbs up* Go to Comment
Tallyorans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
MysticMoon's comment on 2013-09-09 09:26 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Tallyorans
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-09-09 08:24 AM


The little details really made this sub for me, like how the drug pushers take pride in their stuff, in a kind of Coca-cola-ish way. And how like the introduction of the car, the side effects are ignored for the greater gain. Plus, a viable explanation for humanoid reptilian mammaries, in fact I might use that for some of my dragonborn.

Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
manfred's comment on 2007-09-09 02:59 PM
Nice! I admit that I have been surprised - and had to laugh. Everything seems to fit in this dungeon. Great work! Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Scrasamax's comment on 2007-09-11 03:37 AM
Being quite fond of horses, I found the twist at the end of this quest to be the best part. The rest of the submission is good solid tomb-raiding.

+.5 for the horsey armor. Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Cheka Man's comment on 2007-09-14 10:29 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2007-09-10 07:03 PM
I could have SWORN I voted on this earlier today!

Anyhow: I like it. Nothing much to say really, except that I love the twists. Also it reminds me somewhat of Caligula, that old Roman dog. Feels nice to say something that would have cost me my head 2000 years ago :) Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2007-09-07 01:24 PM
Updated: Well, when I first submitted this into In Work, I didn't nominate it as a Quest entry, but it obviously is intended to be one. Is there a way that I can make it so? Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2007-09-09 06:54 PM
Updated: You're right; spiders don't make sense, so I've changed it to other plain-dwellers who might seek shelter.
The large amount of dust is partially because the ghost is one of those resentful types, who tries to get away with as little work as possible, and partially because I envisage animals frequently walking in and out of the shrine - perhaps to drink from the troughs - and they would track dust behind them.

As for poor Emperor Haius, I typed 'the Magnificent' at first, but my fingers refused to stop there. Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Murometz's comment on 2007-09-11 02:24 PM
a diamond-studded suit of leather barding? wow, depending on size and cut of said studs, it could be worth a freakin fortune/small kingdom/kiss the economy goodbye!!

I'm guessing they are chips and flakes, for the sparkle and visual effect?

As to the dungeon, I like it! Nice twists and turns as others have said . Good work! Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
valadaar's comment on 2007-09-09 02:11 PM
I think this is quite good - nicely done! I like the twist. Go to Comment
The Tomb of Agellar
Dungeons  (Plains)   (Rooms/ Halls)
Wulfhere's comment on 2007-09-09 03:51 PM
I like the names, especially "Emperor Haius the Magnificently Obese". The plot is suitably "twisty" with several interesting surprises.

There were a few details that I found hard to credit, though: If "This is the tomb of an ancient knight, later made politician", who "fought in countless battles", I would expect the fact that he was a horse to be remembered, unless the tomb was truly ancient and forgotten.

Additionally, the ghost is sweeping the dusty shrine, moving the dust, so why is the shrine so dusty? A recent windstorm? The wrath of the dust gods? The ghost just came back from a trip to Florida?

Lastly, giant spiders are recommended foes for the shrine, but I would expect the ghost to interfere with any webs they build, so maybe something else would be more appropriate. Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
manfred's comment on 2007-08-20 03:36 PM
The format is okay, since it is rather compact content. Scroll or codex content should be longer IMO - and this seems to have just the right size.


Back to the submission: I have to agree with val's objection here - a campaign defining item should have a more serious background. These things change the world completely.

Another thing that should be explored are the means of getting rid of it. Throwing it to your neighbor is one, okay. What if someone throws it into the sea? What if they are buried in some region far away? Or thrown in a volcano to sink into the earth? I'd bet they would find their way to civilized countries eventually, though it may take some time.

I have to add that I like the idea itself, as the stones: they explain a lot for the setting that features them. Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
manfred's comment on 2007-08-23 06:36 AM
I find myself in need of re-evaluating my vote. The backstory is still a little unfitting generic high fantasy, but I remembered old Indian tales I've read ages ago. In those was a small village the largest concept one could conceive, and stories would often begin with two people living alone in a hut; out of these humble beginnings would come events that defined the whole world.

Not to digress, but if these stones are employed, they define their world, and there's bound to be many legends surrounding their existence, and creation. There will be the legend of a cruel god, that wanted all to suffer, and sent these evils down; but another god or great hero collected most of them, and crushed them into small stones. There will be the story of a king whose sons vain and proud, divided their lands and made war upon each other. There can be more.


What I want to say is, that the legend is applicable. Good work, DLM. Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
Cheka Man's comment on 2011-02-27 12:47 PM


Bad luck to the PCs who loot one or more of these.


Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2007-08-14 06:45 PM
Updated: What I'd really like advice on is whether this format looks good. Since there will eventually be four similar items, do you think this format will work? Or should I use a scroll? Or stubs for each type of Stone? Go to Comment
The Apocalypse Stones
Items  (Jewelry)   (Campaign Defining)
Dragonlordmax's comment on 2007-08-16 04:34 PM
Updated: Updated: Okay, I'm submitting this because it seems to be done, but I'd still like to know if you think this format works. Go to Comment
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