I love it! Only one line bothered me:
"all so that the one he hunts might make a mistake"
Actually, it didnt bother me as much as make me want to know more about his ultimate goals. Reading this line, I assumed that some sort of rival, ancient betrayal, or "Target" was coming. But.. it didn't come.
Also, You never mentioned the Piemaster as being cabable of magic. Yet he is able to keep a brilliant sorceress trapped in an animal form?
I like the idea and its a very well-written sub, short and to the point. A spymaster communicating through pie deliveries is one of those ideas tah readers and players will remember. Good job! Go to Comment
Odd but very cool. Just plain kooky frankly, but that's good as far as I'm concerned, and again, original and very usable. Well done. I give it five banana custard creme pies for success (and hope I just didn't inadvertently signal the death of an entire hamlet...) Go to Comment
To the south of The Diamond Desert are the fertile planes of Vallermoore which until a few years ago wasruled by the formidable Queen Yocasta . With her best troops, The Eyes of Yocasta the Queen kept order but at the price of any sort of political freedom. When her daughter died, the Queen's ministers hired the evil Dracia Eldren to force other girls to take on the role of the dead princess.
This led to a revolt and the evil Queen was overthrown. Sadly in the short term the region was overrun with criminals and societies like the White Knights formed to stop them. Go to Comment
At the center of the world sits the Citadel, perched atop the rocky crag known as The Godspire, which in turn juts forth from the region known to many as The Diamond Desert.
Here, knowledge of the world's most fascinating and frightening locales is gathered, as well as tales of the land's greatest legends. Scholars the world over travel here to partake of this font of information, and it is a popular destination for adventurers, as well. Is it not said that one should know his enemy as himself? Yet, only the boldest and most competent can overcome the rigorous journey to get here, for the desert is a place of great danger, and the Godspire is no easy climb. Those who complete the quest, however, are rewarded with one of the finest sights in the world - the sunset over the glittering sands, as well as an overview of the world, which stretches forth from the peak in every direction, rushing towards the ever-distant horizon. Go to Comment
I think your kingdom might be better off as its own submission.
If you want to link that submission here, then by all means do so, but this isn't a place for developing entirely new posts; it's more intended to link together other submissions in a useable format. Go to Comment
To the east of the desert sits the mountainous Land of the Yale Riders. To those seekers of the Citadel who come from that direction, the mountains are the last place of hospitality one can expect before facing the dangers yet to come. For those too foolish to enjoy the respite offered by this friendly people, paths have been marked about the mountains.
Though this mountain range rises to great elevations, one can stand at the peak of one of the highest mountains in the range, and still need to gaze upwards to see the top of the Godspire, which serves as an ever-present reminder of their ultimate goal to those who pass through these valleys and heights. Go to Comment
Wrapping about the north and west of The Diamond Desert sits The Old Kingdom. This land grew mighty and powerful even as the other cultures in the region remained confined to small hamlets, living a barbarian lifestyle. Bards tell of how the king of this land grew lustful of the surrounding territories, and sent his armies to attack them, spreading lies about the inhuman practices of the other cultures nearby to turn his people against them. And turn they did. Even when the armies were elsewhere, it was not unknown for groups of citizens to gather some liquid courage and burn down a non-Kingdom hamlet.
Thousands of innocent lives were lost in such attacks, and those who survived grew bitter and resentful towards the Kingdom. One of these survivors was Ti'Klund. Even as the young man struggled to achieve his druidic potential, he plotted how best to avenge himself upon the Kingdom. And when he heard of the queen's love of birds, he had an idea. Gathering his powers, he created life, as so few have ever been able to do, in the form of a single, golden duck. He enchanted the duck with spells of ill-fortune and prepared to send it to the queen, to bring down trouble upon her land and household. But before he could dispatch the duck, its ill-fortune affected him, and he was slain by orcs, the duck simply being left in the cave wherein he dwelled.
Two hundred years passed, and the aggression of the Old Kingdom ended, even as new realms were born on around the land. It was now that a band of adventurers stumbled across Ti'Klund's cave, and within it, the Golden Duck. Finding a note which described the bird as a git for the queen, and seeing that the occupant of the cave was clearly gone, the adventurers took it upon themselves to deliver the duck to the queen. And so, they rode to the great city Sab Rejak, where the royal court of the Old Kingdom dwelt, and presented the duck to Her Majesty. She was pleased by its beauty, and kept it close to her, and the adventurers rode off even as the long-dead druid's spells began to take effect.
War came quickly to the kingdom, followed by depression, low birth rates, and corruption. Yet these misfortunes paled in comparison to the plague. Sickness ravaged the kingdom, slaughtering the populace and causing the nearby kingdoms to close their borders. Within only a few decades, Sab Rejak, once the finest city in the world, became known as The City of the Lost. Even once the plague began to die down, it remained contagious, and those who dared enter the kingdom found themselves wracked with sickness, for the Golden Duck yet lived within the place at Sab Rejak, and until its death, the plague could not die.
Now, few dare to enter the Old Kingdom, and the City of the Lost is nearly unreachable at its position near the kingdom's center. Thus, those who travel to reach the Citadel are advised to find some other way to get there, and to avoid the Old Kingdom at any cost. Go to Comment
Before the revolt, the armies of Vallermoore were renowned for their efficiency, and for the lethalithy of their strike teams and special agents. When the queen was overthrown, many of these units were disbanded, releasing men who had known little but violence into the streets. Most tried to become normal again, but not all.
Among those who did not was Talon a man who, in the time since, has forged a name for himself among the newly risen-nobles and street-thugs. Although he would no doubt be an invaluable resource for those who yet wish to stop crime, none dare to hold him, and so they turn upon the more innocent, and the less protected. Go to Comment
When was the last time a character caught a cold or flu? Real people get them every now and again even with solid heating and dry interiors. Your characters are out in the cold and wet, and even inside is not always dry and warm. Imagine having to stop your dungeon crawl, sitting in a tight defensive position, while you all are feverish.