I strongly suggest you return this to the drawing board - for if I were to rate it now...
Really, look at some of the 4- to 5-star subs, to see what kind of article, in detail, originality and flair, to make. Go to Comment
I am planning to, eventually, post Igg'soteku and Gluush as their own submissions soon-ish, and then link to them here. I figured that until that happened I could just give out what is necessary to use the Herthers as I see it. Go to Comment
I was asked to revisit my original post by Pieh and vote on the rewrite.
Do they have stingers?
The physical description of these things is much better, but many of the sentences are clumsy.
"Their heads are shaped like that of a goat and are covered in short gray or black fur, but mounted above its fanged mouth are two red bug-like eyes." is an example of such a sentence.
Also much of the discussion here is about this cult and their use for them. We have no idea how these thing originated, what particular agenda they may have or what an encounter with them would be like. I think describing an encounter with these would be the most useful way to expand upon them. It would allow the reader to get a 1st (or at least a more personal) look at the terror these things invoke, it would give the gamer a template for the use of these things in game play, and would give an overall picture of these things. Right now there is no overall picture, we just have a list of facts.
What is this post really about, the cult, the blood maddness or the goat-wasps? Go to Comment
Is very bizarre and very nasty. A vision of madness no doubt. The reference to the rowen tree is good.
It does however feel forced on both it appearance and its nastiness for nastiness sake, and feels as little more then a boogyman. Motivations would help, as would the fleshing out of the linked concepts. Go to Comment
Much more self-contained and complete now (I can now give a 3.5 at least) but I would also like to suggest that you might look into expanding the description of Igg'soteku and Gluush (or are they part of a specific world that everyone knows except me as a non-gamer?). So again withholding vote. Go to Comment
Actually, there was an original shorter version of this (basically the first 2 paragraphs only and I think the 2nd paragraph also has been expanded on b/w the 2 versions, not sure whether you saw that one or not) and that's the one Axle voted on. Go to Comment
Much of the fantasy setting has been folded into the sensibilities that come with sci-fi and wargaming. For example if you steal the belt from a Frost giant, and it grants you giant strength does that mean that the Frost Giant was actually weak? Does that mean that the Frost giant you stole it from actually had double a "normal giant's" strength? Well in the mytho-historical fantasy setting those question won't matter. In a modern fantasy setting lets call it speculative-literary, things have a more defined nature and the laws of that nature is finite. So I am okay with this face just being a giant that fell asleep who occasionally chats with people.
That said, this is cute but not really useful or interesting. Maybe as part of a larger forest or something like that. Go to Comment