Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-04-06 01:15 PM
If not improved in a week or so, it will be challanged.

And remember to play nicely. You were new once too remember. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-04-07 11:07 AM
To Nobody: No problem.. I am perfectly okay with reading of the riot act. Did you not catch my first post? His grace period has ended, it is now sink or swim. Checka just was edging towards the personal, which is a line we should not approach let alone cross.

As to the point at hand, we could drop most of his posts into the ideas area, as that is where they are best found and fit in terms of size.

Drackler: I need you to read some posts in the Lifeforms section. You are just not meeting the minimum standards for details or ideas that we have on the site. Minor races thread might give you the minimum example of what you should have for a race 1150.

You truly need to meet the Gold Standard
If your post could not be part of a published fantasy novel, it needs work. That is what you should aim for.

If your item/ npc/ plot/ setting is not as well described and developed as something you would find in a published fantasy novel (excluding most DnD licensed novels), then it is not equal to the gold standard and needs work.

This standard is really not that hard to meet. New members often meet it on their first or second try. You do not need to be a professional writer, you just need to put a little effort into doing it right.

You need to work on the level of completeness for your posts. Your posts needs to tell us nearly everything about the subject. You should strive for items that are generic, rather than dependent on a specific setting or campaign. While being vague can help make the item more "generic", you need to "imply" the answers. (For example: while my game might not have Rykor the BloodSlayer, I can figure out an approximate match "The most dreaded demon riding Dark Knight in history.") Implied answers act as guidelines for the GM/ Player adapting the post.

To be complete, your post needs to answer; "Who is involved?", "What is happening (and where and when)?" and "How and why things occur?". If it is an item or setting then include: What is the item/place? and What can it do?

Details are not as important as completeness. Read your post. Is there anything that someone (who doesn't know your campaign and the backstory) might have a question about? If you find such a question, edit the write up and include the answer to that question. Keep reading your post until you have answered every question (including ones that seem really stupid... there are a lot of really stupid people out there).

The best way to meet these goals: Effort! Put some thought into your post. Take your time putting the post into print. Taking time to do a post right shows you care not only about your audience and yourself, but you care about the thing you are posting about. If you aren't spending a minimum of 15 to 30 minutes on the post, it will probably be abused and low rated. Most of us spend 45 to 60 minutes on a post. Remember, you will spend more time actually thinking about your post before you put it up, if you want to do it right.

Remember that you can edit your post, so if you find something wrong, go back and fix it. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-11-17 11:28 AM
I caught the edit. It is a vast improvement over the original submission. Is it worthy of a better score? Only nominally. At least the write up is not obviously a failure like the last.

PLEASE READ MY POST ABOVE. Go ahead. I will wait.


This write up is a foot note. There is not enough information here to really use them for anything more than 4 hit dice critter made to be maimed by PCs. This is the write up of a monster fodder.

It is a minor race write up where you have not linked it to that codex. If they are more than just walking thaco and hitpoints, they need a little history and some depth.

So are they a step above animals? Use tools? Make them or steal them? Make housing or did dens? What are their groupings like? Animals packs, tribes, anarchy?They killed their creator, what have they been doing since? Are they monster roaming the countryside? Do they avoid civilization? Would you find them living about a city as a mercenary company?

In short, one and a half points above the last version, simply because that version was a 0. Since the minimum vote is one, you have only gained .5. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Nobody's comment on 2006-04-05 02:42 PM
Drackler, this is an espescially poor post. You'r posts are normally: short, undetailed, incomplete, but still, at heart, good ideas.

This post isn't even a good Idea.

Basically, all you have done is re-created wolf-men and given them some demon blood. I am unimpressed. You have not added anything that makes these Wolfkin unique or worth mentioning. I mean, Honestly, what is the point.

There are so many ways that you could have set these creatures apart from everything else in Fantasy, but you have not.

I have to date, given only two submissions the low score of 1.0.

This is one of them. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Nobody's comment on 2006-04-06 09:32 PM
Yes moonhunter, you are right, but he has to learn. I have tracked every single post he has made, and not yet has he shown that he is growing. This latest Idea was longer than his other posts, but it was not enough.

He could have added something wierd about the society and structure, he could have added something unusual about the way that they choose prey. He could have added nearly anything that made these creatures unusual as monsters and I would have credited him with a good idea.

As you said, his grace period has run out. He spent maybe fifteen minutes on this, and that is probably an overestimation. I don't think that he is trying.

Drakler, at the very least, you could post some of your incomplete ideas as in work submissions and ask for help. I would be the first to offer ideas. Instead you have thrown rough drafts up as finished products even after repeated advice that tells you that they would need more work. You have seen what we grade highly and no longer have the excuse of not knowing what is encouraged, and, dare I say it, expected.

We want you to contribute, but not if you are unwilling to put effort into your work. No more retroactive improvement. Ask for help BEFORE you submit them. Then you will get a grade that you can be proud of.

This may sound harsh, but you need to hear it from somewhere.

-Nobody Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2006-04-06 01:12 PM
Useless, like the rest of your posts.If there was a Hall of Dishonour,I'd vote to put this in it. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Murometz's comment on 2006-04-04 10:05 PM
2157 see this link for inspiration Colonel Drackler! Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Murometz's comment on 2006-11-17 10:13 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Murometz's comment on 2008-12-04 12:18 PM
Kudos on rewrite. A re-vote will be upcoming. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Drackler's comment on 2008-12-04 11:37 AM
Updated: Giant rewrite. I looked at this recently and realized all the details I should have put in, but didn't. Better grammar by a bit and just a little bit changed. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Hrofgar's comment on 2006-04-06 02:56 PM
Personally I think they're a neat idea. But that's just my opinion. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Hrofgar's comment on 2008-12-04 10:12 PM
The lights that were in the cliche wizard's tower, what were they? I can understand them being side effects of the creation process. Or, a great battle between Tetrek and the wolfkin, but it's not clear.

I also had a problem like this when I joined, I wanted to make demonic werewolves that only had the hybrid form. Luckily, I didn't finish it, I just logged out with out saving it.

Although I've read it before I forget what it was like. From what the comments said it did have a lot of flaws but most of them are now gone.

All in all, I think that it's an okay submission that could be used but not often, though one of them as a character would be cool. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2007-10-17 06:04 PM
If you are looking for a sub which is on the other side of the spectrum - not saying that is where to go, look at the Alun or the Asrok. Mine are overkill, yours need work.

At least make it better then a scroll entry. This entry would fit in a list of '30 Really Minor Races' or a Idea seed.

My big concern is you are not taking any of the advise given already to improve your posts. Not sure why. Go to Comment
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Any)
Wulfhere's comment on 2006-11-17 05:37 PM
Drackler, just ask "why?" to every part of your write up. When the answer that occurs to you is cool, add that to the article.

As an example, your description indicates that... These creatures are the bizarre creation of the mad wizard Tetrek. He created them by genetically fusing a wolf, a human, and a demon. After they were created, the wolf-kin killed their master as is their nature, for they do have demon blood in them. However, they have since learned to master their instincts to survive.

This leads me to wonder:

Why did Tetrek create them?

How was he mad? Was he "I want to take over the World!" mad, or merely "I'll show those door-to-door religious nuts what happens when you wake ME up on Saturday morning!" mad?

Why did he fuse wolves, humans, and demons? They don't seem to have any particulrly useful qualities from these creatures.

What instinct did they master?

Let yourself be creative! Go to Comment
Changing faces
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Side-Quest)
Barbarian Horde's comment on 2006-04-03 02:54 PM
Why would the PC's want a mysterious potion that is being made in the woods. (i'd be a little suspiscious myself)

Wouldn't it be less suspiscious for "stupidname" to simply lie to the PC's and tell them that he is brewing a powerful healing potion?

Why is he making potions that create monsters. If he is researching, what is the study of his experiment, if he is trying to create super monsters to sell, then what kind of mutations is he searching for, and if he wants personal power, how does he expect to control the monsters?

Most importantly however, is the fact that you seem to require being led by the nose to answer even the most basic requirements of a plot/story/item. You need to start thinking of these things on your own.

When you think of a good idea, you also need to think about what made it come about, not just what the reality is, and then, what would the effects of that be. There is a logical progression of cause and effect, and you should be aware of that progression the first time you post. Go to Comment
Changing faces
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Side-Quest)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-04-01 11:28 AM
Okay, you are still posting the same problem submission and people are giving a great deal of gentle advice.

That hasn't worked as well as I would of hoped. Though there is still hope

You need to edit this and all your posts.

First I want you to read a few posts here and see what their scores are. In fact, check the category you want to post it, click the "highest rated" and see what those are like.

Do you see the differences between your posts and those?

Your ideas are okay. Your premises are okay. Your execution is sub par.

Could you please spend a bit more time on your posts. You need to flesh them out some more, filling in description and answering obvious questions about the items in point. I don't need colorful stories and cool turns of phrase (though it would be nice). Simple, clear, narritive, is all you need. Answer all the basic questions: Who is involved, What is happening and what is the item involved, where and when did all this take place, and why did the people involved do what they did. Answer those and your post will be higher scoring.

The average submission here takes a minimum of 30 minutes worth of work. Yours seems slapped up in about 5. That implies that you don't care about your posts or the people who read them. I am not sure this is the case with you. So please, a bit more effort and work on your posts.

You are ignoring many rules of grammar, punctuation, and capitalization. An extra space after a comma (or other punctuation) would be nice as well. It makes your post seem "childish". Spell Check, either using our spell check (or checking your posts and pasting them in) would do wonders to stop knee jerk reactions to your work. So far everyone is trying to be nice both nice and helpful... but your grace period is running out... so we are soon only going to be helpful.

If English is not your primary language, let us know and we can help.

Feel free to check the general good guidelines 1272 posted here. You will see much of the same advice people have been giving you has been sumarized here.

The scenario as you put it is more like a cliff note summary of something. There are not a great deal of details here for people to do much with. This can be a pretty good post, if you just took the time and did it right. Go to Comment
Changing faces
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Side-Quest)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-04-03 03:40 PM
Also why would anyone, who finds out what the potion is, want to become a monster... you know universally feared by all, unable to go to town/ villages/ cities, hunted by NPC heroes and local militaries, and so on. In short, big plot hole.

Besides, if anyone in the local political structure (like the local lord) had been having problems with monsters... you would take yon hobbit and his potion caldron, take them to the Lord and earn not only his gratitude, but a large reward. Go to Comment
Changing faces
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Side-Quest)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-04-03 03:45 PM
And now you know why I do not like Barbarian Horde Posts.

It is free reign for someone to either be slanderous, mean, idiotic, or just act like a 12 year old, because there is no accountability.

This person could of been a regular member even, who did not want to be thought of as mean or nasty. You don't know. Sure a barbarian could just create an account, post something, then abandon the account, but really... they don't put that much effort into it all.

So lets stop this issue soon please. Go to Comment
Changing faces
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Side-Quest)
Iain's comment on 2006-04-06 05:43 AM
This is quite good and I could imagine using it in some form or another - definitely an improvement on your previous posts. Go to Comment
Changing faces
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Side-Quest)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-03-31 06:19 PM
This isnt without merit, i like the idea of a Potion of Monsterous Aspect, may write that up myself later. However there are alot of questions to be answered.

1. Who is this halfling mage? Not many of the hobbits take to the arts of brewing potions and such. Who is he, give us a little detail. Even if it is just naming him Bumfinger Hobbitsnot, a little can go a long way.

2. Why is he brewing potions in the woods? Most mages have laboratories and special places for brewing and enchanting.

3. Why are the robbers trying to steal the potion? Did Bumfinger cheat them when he paid them for spell components, or do they just want to knock him down and steal his pot of goo?

4. Why will he let the PCs have some of the potion, but not tell them what it is? If they Fang-Out, they could be rather well equipped to evicerate Bumfinger Hobbitsnot.

5. The Idea of the Halfling Brewmaster is a good one for a benefactor, but if he is brewing potions alone in the woods, what does he have to offer?

There are thousands of possibilites, but it would be great if we could have a couple to start us off. Go to Comment
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