43. Potion of Perception This blue ceramic flask contains a thick red liquid that gives off a strong scent of flowers. When consumed the drinker has their perception of gravity shifted 90 degrees from the vertical to the horizontal. Note that this doesn't actually shift the pull of gravity, just the drinker's perception of gravity. The effects wear off after an hour.
44. Essence of Divinity This pearly glass flask contains a silky elixr that gives off no definable odour. Upon consumption the drinker falls into a slumber where believe their deity appears to them and raises them to the pantheon of the gods. The slumber rarely lasts longer than an hour. Upon waking most minds realise that it was an illusion brought on by a strange potion... The more unstable of minds may not see the sense of the matter that easily however... Go to Comment
It is a little better. The good things remain, most bad things as well. The cliches being what they are, can still be met in games and employed to some success, and then is this short atmospheric piece useful.
Now, one thing I do, if my grand idea doesn't seem so grand once I write it up, is take a closer look on the plot hooks, on what follows from the submission, and what impact it will have on the game. In this case it is the last room.
- What if a servant unexpectedly helps the PCs (bringing them a few of their best weapons, or whatever)? Perhaps he is fed up with his master, or he is known to a PC already. Now they have an ally in the enemy camp, and may choose a different path, than hacking their way through the bad guys.
- What if the minor noble is secretly a double agent, and wants to gain the trust of the villain - and the PCs are just the means? How will they cooperate later with this man, who was willing to sacrifice them?
- Say, what if the monster was that good guy... changed, and mind-controlled, and the PCs end up killing him? That'll make the encounter much more memorable that "defeated monster X". Go to Comment
This one just doesn't work for me. There's some potential there, but in my opinion, there are several negatives that keep it from achieving that potential.
First, some of the positive things about the plot:
I like the names. They work well for me, each suggesting certain aspects of their owner's character, which the GM can play up or use for contrast.
The plot itself uses the five-room format well, giving a well-considered balance between combat and roleplaying. The challenges given encourage a variety of roleplaying styles.
Everything is well-written, clear, and easy to read.
Now the negatives:
"Blah, blah, blah, mighty magics, fight to the death, you know the drill..." The way the sub is written, it seems as if even the author was saying "Even I don't care about this." That's not a message the players and potential GMs want to hear.
The "drink laced with sleeping draught" schtick is not only ancient, it's not very effective. You can bet that if there is a saving throw, SOMEONE in the party will make it. If it's too high for anyone to make, it seems like a rail job to the players.
The "mysterious patron who wants to kill the PCs" is another hoary cliche that seldom works well in games. Go to Comment
My personal feeling on a sacrifice is that the sacrificial victim must be killed in a ritual fashion, leading the wizard to use various methods of non-lethal force. Just an idea. I am not voting because I agree with Wulfhere, you might want to back off of this one and get some feedback before you submit it again. Go to Comment
Drackler, I recommend that you put this into "In Work" and specifically solicit advice from some of the old hands around here. What you have so far isn't bad, but it could be a great adventure with a bit of tweaking. Go to Comment
Your plot has some interesting parts, but also has a few holes and a few clichés. Addressing these will make it a much more exciting adventure.
First: The PCs receive a message asking that they come to a village to slay a dragon/horrendous monster. Presumably, Therogga Thorn does this to lure them into his trap. Problem Point: The “Guy that hires us but secretly wants to kill us” is an ancient and timeworn plot device. I’d skip it and let the PCs be contacted by a mage in the village who gets himself killed fighting the horror before they arrive. Second Problem: Most campaigns should avoid “random” dragons. If dragons are to be kept as awesome and horrifying creatures of legend, there shouldn’t be any destroying nameless towns as flunkies for some mage. A good substitute might be a group of Wyverns or the like: Beasts much like dragons, but not having quite the same mystique.
Then, how do they get the idea that they should be following this Therroga guy? I’d recommend that the mage in town leave a battered journal telling what happened: Perhaps Therroga tried to extort tribute from the village (“Yield five children to be mine, or my scaly minions will slay you all!”) and only attacked when they refused his terms.
So, the heroes trail the villain to his classy marble fortress (“Look at the sculptures, Sven!”), brawling with his werewolf buddy and undead minions on the way. There, the creep must elude them, leading them to an abyssal realm. Problem Point: It can be frustrating to almost have the bad guy, only to get hit by his traps as you try to pursue him. You don’t want to aggravate your players that way. I’d suggest that he already went below, but some of his undead flunkies are talkative and give away where he went (“You will never reach the MAaasterrrr! He is already in the realm of Kranara, preparing to free the demon princccceeee!”) as they duke it out with the PCs.
The idea of playing abyssal politics is one of the strong points of the adventure. Unfortunately, you skimmed right past that: It would be good to include a few of the demonic folks they might meet down there and how they act. The idea of recruiting demonic local allies could provoke some serious debate in most parties.
If you plan, the “Son of Helior” part doesn’t have to be an issue. Say that he snatched up one of the kids from the village and that kid is his sacrifice. The PCs can learn that he’s going to do a sacrifice “when the stars are right” and free his demonic master. Any self-respecting hero will come after the guy, slavering with righteous wrath.
Alternatively, if you wanted to keep the idea that he’s luring the characters to him, one of them is likely to be a champion for some good holy order. Let that cleric or paladin or whatever be the one that he wanted to sacrifice: The champion of the demon’s ancient enemy. Go to Comment
I'd clean up some of the hanging plotlines and clarify some setting notes (for instance, short notes on who King Demitrius is, and what Fell-Kin is).
It's a nice historical blade, but the powers are pure cliche. Go to Comment
The power sections is a bit scant. Not that I want to see more powers, but to explain some more on how it can use. Is the sword smart? Is it worth listening too? Does it have thousands of years of experience? Is it cranky that some upstart will take him or happy to be rid of the bore he has been saddled with for so long.
Fyranteth Anguil (a Fell-Kin of no little importance) in the year 1 A.E. (After Eldearth). Fjostrez has seen use in the hands of Fyranteth for several millennia, and is still in his possession.
A little more explanation of Fell-Kin would be nice. Immortality needs to be explained. If this guy is of little importance AND this sword is worth having, why hasn't someone higher up taken it from him? Go to Comment
Items (Potion) (Magical)
44. Essence of Divinity This pearly glass flask contains a silky elixr that gives off no definable odour. Upon consumption the drinker falls into a slumber where believe their deity appears to them and raises them to the pantheon of the gods. The slumber rarely lasts longer than an hour. Upon waking most minds realise that it was an illusion brought on by a strange potion... The more unstable of minds may not see the sense of the matter that easily however... Go to Comment