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The Deathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-05-29 08:40 PM
This is the kind of submission we enjoy, Drackler. I look forward to more like this one. Go to Comment
The Deathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Murometz's comment on 2008-05-21 08:41 PM
Feel free to link this to manfred's Red Herrings codex.

Hmmm, yet its a perfectly functional sword. Good item. It's the ol' "its power comes from perception" routine. I've always liked those types of weapons. Its basic, but good.

Add some spaces between headers and text.

Ok, I'll say it again. Great to see you posting, Colonel! :) Go to Comment
The Deathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Drackler's comment on 2008-05-22 02:25 PM
The short amount of time is to, somewhat overly, portray Charles' abilities. Go to Comment
The Deathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Drackler's comment on 2008-05-22 08:26 PM
Updated: Adjusted a few things. Go to Comment
The Deathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Drackler's comment on 2008-05-23 03:52 PM
The somewhat cliche'd name was given as sort of a joke on my part. It fits perfectly with the supposed sword, but the reality is just not the same. Go to Comment
The Deathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2008-05-22 12:34 PM
Apart from the nearly unbelieveable timeline for a sword (3 days?) this is a good simple submission. Nicely done! Go to Comment
The Deathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2008-05-22 07:19 PM
Well, it was a requirement of the contest. I am surprised he would have any competition from anything other then the equivalent of machetes..

Now if the contest duration was the first to provide an acceptable blade... then 3 days would do as you intend. Go to Comment
The Deathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Misanpilgrim's comment on 2008-05-23 02:29 PM
By definition, isn't every weapon a "deathbringer"?

(Good idea.) Go to Comment
The Deathbringer
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Non-Magical)
Aramax's comment on 2008-05-29 06:05 PM
Very Nice-4/5 Go to Comment
Dempree Dupree's Emporionic Bazaar
Locations  (City)   (Any)
MoonHunter's comment on 2008-05-12 11:43 PM
I have to say it is really well written. This is 850% better than anything else you have written to day. It is clear. It is descriptive. It meets the basics head on and keeps going.

It is a piece of art in its current state. Pretty to look at, not very useful.

I see where you could go with this. I see your point that the GM should mull over in his mind how to use it. It has a great deal of atmosphere. However there is little purpose for it, and the three plot lines are scant.

Take it from me, you need to lead people along to the conclusions and deductions and inferences that to you seem self evident. Have you seen a lot of my subs (who get banged on) that are small and direct, then I unleash this huge explanation in the comments, because people obviously didn't get it (or get what I wanted them to get from it). Learn from my mistake, as include these things in the first place.

To be useful, add some more "possible uses". Add some horror. Add some Scooby Doo. Add something useful for fantasy. keep going. It has potential, show us all of it. Go to Comment
Dempree Dupree's Emporionic Bazaar
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Scrasamax's comment on 2008-05-13 08:44 AM
This is rather sinister and very atmospheric Drackler, I hve to say I liked reading it, it seemed very much like a Tale of Terror submission. For that I say thank you and nicely done. Go to Comment
Dempree Dupree's Emporionic Bazaar
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Cheka Man's comment on 2008-05-11 01:02 PM
Not that bad. :) Go to Comment
Dempree Dupree's Emporionic Bazaar
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Murometz's comment on 2008-05-14 06:44 PM
Definitely your best to date, and quite frankly, I'm damn proud of you, for sticking it out (as so few do) and improving your work, despite past criticisms. It isn't even subtle (your improvement). It is plain to see!

Mmmm, a decaying and abandoned bazaar. Good sub! Useful and atmospheric.

Three Cheers for the Colonel!! Go to Comment
Dempree Dupree's Emporionic Bazaar
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Drackler's comment on 2008-05-11 03:40 PM
I didn't do just that because I wanted to allow the idea to ferment in the DM's mind. I gave you the place, and what it is about, now it's up to you to specify the locations in your own game. Go to Comment
Dempree Dupree's Emporionic Bazaar
Locations  (City)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2008-05-13 10:21 AM
As others have said - well done Drackler!
And I think it is perfectly usable as is, though of course more would help. Go to Comment
Dempree Dupree's Emporionic Bazaar
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Aramax's comment on 2008-05-11 12:28 PM
For me this is in need of a little bit more,maybe a couple of rooms with minor spooky encounters or perhaps some spooky things left over.However I really got a feel for exactly
what the place looked and even felt like,so big kudos for atmosphere.Ill give you a 3/5 for now but with a little bit more Ill raise my vote Go to Comment
Dempree Dupree's Emporionic Bazaar
Locations  (City)   (Any)
Aramax's comment on 2008-05-11 12:29 PM
forgot to vote Go to Comment
Dempree Dupree's Emporionic Bazaar
Locations  (City)   (Any)
RGTraynor's comment on 2011-03-25 12:58 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Concluders
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Murometz's comment on 2008-03-08 09:05 AM
This needs a vote and comment.

Not bad. Good physical description. You seem to gloss over a sizable chunk of their nature and story though...technology? experiments? scientists? Needs some expanding, me'thinks. Some insight into their behavior and such.

Also, "Concluders" would probably not be what they call themselves, right? And on that note, why are they called, "Concluders"? :)

Could be good this, with some more love added. Go to Comment
Concluders
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Tundra/ Arctic)
Murometz's comment on 2008-05-03 12:07 PM
BUMP. Lets help Colonel Drackler conclude the Concluders! Go to Comment
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