30 very original barbarians. 5/5 Go to Comment

It's a subtle jab at the stock, Conan-esque barbarian character: huge, Nordic men with battleaxes from the inexplicable north. Go to Comment

This grew on me the more I read. Lovable bunch! Love the this one likes that one and that one fears this one stuff. Makes them come alive and feel real. The names based on traits/personalities is a nice touch as well.

I get a bit of a Black Company vibe too.

Zerk is Hulk! Bones is Rattleshirt (GoT)! And you have to love gramps!

I have to ask though, why is Rock the secret laughing stock of the group? We're not offered a clue as to why.

Great job!

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This is really fun. Reminds of the bio blurbs on the back of action figure packaging. I like the connected nature of this ready made horde, I like the use of archetypes and cliche, and the write up is smooth and accessible. Go to Comment

A quality 30 with lots of detail. Certainly some well used tropes here, but that works well in a 30. I like the inter-linkage between them that suggests the plots that could arise from using the lot of em.


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The inter-linkages between them all are certainly a nice touch. Go to Comment

Now I want to read about the Rope Woman, and this is an impressive use of 500 words. Well done and count me impressed. Go to Comment

bCongratulations Dozus! You have won the first 500 Word Submission Challenge/b

Fame and glory are yours! Go to Comment

Only voted Go to Comment

Personally, I am intrigued by the notion of filling the gap in voluntary sacrifices. Unusual religious practices are always intriguing. Perhaps Buluc talks the depressed into suicide during the day and dreads those times when he must go out and fill the void. Perhaps he does the opposite, helping people in the name of one god and murdering them in the name of another. What if the law turns against honorable suicide - does that leave more of a gap to be filled? Go to Comment

I was a little vague in the write up, but "filling in the gap" here means murder, or at least I intended it so. The idea that he would counsel the penitent as a priest of Dawn Lord toward suicide as a sacrifice to Rope Woman is certainly an intriguing one. I suppose it calls into question his dedication to the two gods, whether he is more "truly" a priest of Rope Woman and his Dawn Lord priesthood only a facade. Go to Comment

The title alone is already evocative! And wow, what a great 500 word condensation of rich material! Love this cult. Like a twisted version of Thuggees with shades of Kevorkian.

Rope Woman!!!

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A lot come through in this one, we learn that the Kanaarites have a fairly sophisticated culture in that their society supports Judges, historians, markets, socially acceptable honor suicides, and it is implied that there is great deal of personal privacy. The ala cart nature of the gods in this culture is again re-enforced. A ton of information


I guess the other members of the order are not priests, but what do they get of they get out of this religion? Do seem them as getting paid for these kills? Does the money get passed up to Buluc?

At any rate I got a lot out of these 500 words.

But perhaps you could write the order of the rope, history, theology, practices, cultural and then do one on Buluc where more of his personality and/or history. Go to Comment

Muro's comment here is spot on. This is excellent and a worthy winner. Go to Comment

I've got a slightly different take. You've only got 500 words to make your NPC and you spent very little of them on your guy. That being said the info contained is compiling
If this were an ordinary sub, I would give you a 5 but since its about the NPC ,not the history of the world 4/5 Don't get me wrong its still very good, I'm just stretching my critical eye over my comments of the past. Go to Comment

I like the double worship very much, a good sub for an uncommon assassin archetype. Go to Comment

I, too, am impressed with how much detail is revealed of the overall culture by this short sub. It's great context for the assassin. Go to Comment

Useful. 4/5 Go to Comment

Great tale of unusual sainthood, and one funky relic! (love the alligator tail attachment). Some very specific applications, but that is what adds the rich flavor to this item. Well-done on the voice too, as axle says. Go to Comment

Haven't finished yet but Carth's voice is excellent.... Go to Comment