I like the feel, and the flow of this piece, I can get a strong feel for who Lescelina is, and she reminds me of part Calypso from Pirates of the Caribbean, and part the image of the voodoo priestess, but dressed up in savage primitivism that would rise from a reptilian primitive culture. The fact that she is an elf makes her even more exotic, and dangerous, since elves are typically associated with much cleaner and more aristocratic settings and surroundings.
The gatorfolk are tres bien, no? I like them.
The Meso-american linguistics in the naming is also interesting, but I'm not sure how much I like it. Go to Comment
I was researching Nahuatl and read a terribly interesting article on disfrasismo (http://celia.cnrs.fr/FichExt/Am/A_22_03.htm). I figured since I was borrowing heavily from Mesoamerican culture for the Kanaarites, I'd try my hand at imitating it. I'm not thrilled with it, but I kind of like the style. Go to Comment
Very well written as others have said, from her appearance to her ritual, to her throne room and everything in between is nicely described allowing for immediate, well-rendered visuals. I enjoyed the style of writing..."tooth and tail, water and smoke, task and burden, walls and net, torch and light"...very nice!
She's so well-rendered that you can either use the mythos and society she is enveloped in, or plop her down in any given campaign with minimal prep. Go to Comment
So who is Lesceline? She is a mystical monarch who uses lines such as "You dare threaten me?". I don't find her to be that clearly defined. We have Ichtalca, this woman with an interesting past and tragic birth and childhood. But then she becomes this "terrible and beautiful" queen who has people eviscerated and speaks in trite theatrical phrases. She has the memories of many life times, strikes others as very angry and then can be gentle and kind to her prisoners.
What do the gator folk mean to her?
What was Tergryn to her?
Is there an Ichtalca personality left or Nanni personality left or are they just the result of this fusion. Go to Comment
Gator folk, nice twist, they're still the cast away cannon fodder known is some RPGs as lizardmen but far more interesting now then the std ho-hum lizardmen and now we have a neutral evil elvish queen ruling them and the players may just have to role play with her not just dungeon crawl the nest, this is exciting stuff.
I agree with a previous commenter that the step from her mother being killed by the gator folk to her being queen was thin and I would have liked to have seen her having an internal struggle over the desire to kill the representatives of her mother's killers and heeding the song in her blood calling her to her fate.
No matter on issues in the back story the end result is fabulous. Go to Comment