Personally, I am intrigued by the notion of filling the gap in voluntary sacrifices. Unusual religious practices are always intriguing. Perhaps Buluc talks the depressed into suicide during the day and dreads those times when he must go out and fill the void. Perhaps he does the opposite, helping people in the name of one god and murdering them in the name of another. What if the law turns against honorable suicide - does that leave more of a gap to be filled? Go to Comment
I was a little vague in the write up, but "filling in the gap" here means murder, or at least I intended it so. The idea that he would counsel the penitent as a priest of Dawn Lord toward suicide as a sacrifice to Rope Woman is certainly an intriguing one. I suppose it calls into question his dedication to the two gods, whether he is more "truly" a priest of Rope Woman and his Dawn Lord priesthood only a facade. Go to Comment
A lot come through in this one, we learn that the Kanaarites have a fairly sophisticated culture in that their society supports Judges, historians, markets, socially acceptable honor suicides, and it is implied that there is great deal of personal privacy. The ala cart nature of the gods in this culture is again re-enforced. A ton of information
I guess the other members of the order are not priests, but what do they get of they get out of this religion? Do seem them as getting paid for these kills? Does the money get passed up to Buluc?
At any rate I got a lot out of these 500 words.
But perhaps you could write the order of the rope, history, theology, practices, cultural and then do one on Buluc where more of his personality and/or history. Go to Comment
I've got a slightly different take. You've only got 500 words to make your NPC and you spent very little of them on your guy. That being said the info contained is compiling
If this were an ordinary sub, I would give you a 5 but since its about the NPC ,not the history of the world 4/5 Don't get me wrong its still very good, I'm just stretching my critical eye over my comments of the past. Go to Comment
I like the feel, and the flow of this piece, I can get a strong feel for who Lescelina is, and she reminds me of part Calypso from Pirates of the Caribbean, and part the image of the voodoo priestess, but dressed up in savage primitivism that would rise from a reptilian primitive culture. The fact that she is an elf makes her even more exotic, and dangerous, since elves are typically associated with much cleaner and more aristocratic settings and surroundings.
The gatorfolk are tres bien, no? I like them.
The Meso-american linguistics in the naming is also interesting, but I'm not sure how much I like it. Go to Comment
I was researching Nahuatl and read a terribly interesting article on disfrasismo (http://celia.cnrs.fr/FichExt/Am/A_22_03.htm). I figured since I was borrowing heavily from Mesoamerican culture for the Kanaarites, I'd try my hand at imitating it. I'm not thrilled with it, but I kind of like the style. Go to Comment
Very well written as others have said, from her appearance to her ritual, to her throne room and everything in between is nicely described allowing for immediate, well-rendered visuals. I enjoyed the style of writing..."tooth and tail, water and smoke, task and burden, walls and net, torch and light"...very nice!
She's so well-rendered that you can either use the mythos and society she is enveloped in, or plop her down in any given campaign with minimal prep. Go to Comment
So who is Lesceline? She is a mystical monarch who uses lines such as "You dare threaten me?". I don't find her to be that clearly defined. We have Ichtalca, this woman with an interesting past and tragic birth and childhood. But then she becomes this "terrible and beautiful" queen who has people eviscerated and speaks in trite theatrical phrases. She has the memories of many life times, strikes others as very angry and then can be gentle and kind to her prisoners.
What do the gator folk mean to her?
What was Tergryn to her?
Is there an Ichtalca personality left or Nanni personality left or are they just the result of this fusion. Go to Comment