@Redgre & Pieh:
I admit that I probably got a bit carried away when detailing this place. I understand what you mean about it being somewhat purposeless, but am at a loss for how to fix it at this time -- my creative muse is fickle. If either of you could make some suggestions to help me significantly improve this piece, I would be happy to credit you.
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In reality, this piece was intended as background for a race of people that I haven't finished yet and was planning to submit later. Perhaps I will add them here after all . . . As for novel writing; I'd like to one day, so thanks for the encouragement. =)
I loved the narrative used to explain what was going on. As others did, I liked the excerpts that went a little deeper than the narrative.
Didn't see it mentioned but I would assume that this profession would be extremely secret. If people knew that many of the church's army were mindwiped I am guessing that it wouldn't go over too well. Was thinking a fun thought would be for them to "capture" somebody with a unique skill and the location he would be used there would be a few that would recognize him. They would be forced to kill off those that know them to keep their usage of him a secret. Wandering thoughts which means I really like the post as it spins ideas!
Very nice work, Dossta. This submission combines three interesting styles of writing. It provides a chilling narrative,a twisted fairy-tale, and a scientific examination. I think the combination was very effective at leaving very few questions to be asked. At the core of the idea, memory-eating moths, I don't like it. But the presentation and level of detail given counts for a lot, and begs to be used. Good job.
I have to second everyone who mentioned the great presentation. Both entertaining and informative.
The legend behind them, the healing manual excerpts, the life-cycle and habits, and the great attention to detail takes this up a notch!
And of course, very nice use of the deaths-head moth images!
I really love the presentation and how the facts mix with the narratives to form a compelling story. As others have said it's well done, and has a lot of usefulness without being overpowered.
If one could obtain a blood sample of their intended target, these creatures could make for an effective assassination repertory tool as well. (Let the bugs find and tear apart the targets mind, then follow up later with a killing blow against the helpless victim.)
Neat idea. Memory loss is a very interesting tool. Anyone who's watched 'Regarding Henry', 'Total Recall', 'Push', 'The Majestic', etc. knows that whole stories can be based on someone getting amnesia. Specifically if used on a main character (or PC). I do have a few questions about the moths in your submission. When confronting their creator, the larvae appear to have an attack capacity. Somehow they lunge off of the mortal they start chowing down on the deity. Yet later, they sound more like a torture device used by jailer priests. Easily controlled. I understand that they were changed after their attack on the deity, but I saw the change as being from complete memory loss to more of a selective amnesia. Would you care to explain the discrepancy? And finally, how is it a deity was having a hard time killing a batch of moths? I do like the irony of the story, but why couldn't he handle the situation much better, where a mortal with a fly swatter, or dare I say it, a can of bug spray, would have kicked butt? Just a few thoughts in reconciling the story. Overall I liked it.