A shocking submission, and very orginal, the most orginal way of shooting lightning bolts I've ever seen. I would not want someone wearing this to come too close to my computer.

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I want this to win the Quest.

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I just love the image of someone donning these seeming "shackles", as well as the image of someone drawing every last lightning bolt from a monstrous thunderstorm, (with hordes of stunned, wide-eyed onlookers nearby), as well as the image of an elecrical overload, and the consequent, disastrous discharges. Boy, thats a lot of images :) Like the Twist too! Also, what d_d said. Go to Comment

I like those! I would totally see this being a campaign side-track, ith the five rings separated across the kingdom, to be reunited by the plucky PCs before taking on the big bad or going up the mountain to query the trhunder god. 

Good work Dossta! 

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I really like the overall idea and concept, reminicent of the old Spiderman villian, Electro.  However, the thing I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around is how one 'wears' this five link chain.  It seems awkward at best.  It reminds me of full body shackles on an inmate, with perhaps less flexibility.  I've read it a few times now and I still get stuck on this.  Am I missing something?

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Update: Broke the name into two parts, 'cause I liked it better that way. Go to Comment

That's explained in the last paragraph, though perhaps I should move it up or reword it somehow for clarity. The recipient of this item simply has to slide a hand (or foot) through the appropriate ring, and it will detach itself from the others and resize itself to fit him. If he takes the rings off at any time, they will be attracted to each other and automatically link back together. Go to Comment

Thanks, Cheka. I'm flattered :) Go to Comment

I approve. Well written and engaging I found myself easily imagining this cold and just hell. As for using it in a game, there is the rare one off game or single person session where they have the near death experience and get a taste of what lies beyond. There is also the Herculean task of voyaging to thei he'll to find the souls of great heroes trapped by their own guilt so that they can be reborn for a coming time of trials and conflict in the world. Go to Comment

Reminds me of a tale by... Gaiman, methinks. Anyways, exceedingly well written. The sole objection is that the Judge's punishments are a little literal.

You might want to edit out a few mistakes, such as the second plot hook lacking "hero" in the first line (A great ... has been etc.)

Echo likes.

A well-deserved 5, I'd say.

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Very well,hellish. Devishly good. 5/5

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A well written, nicely described hell.

It is highly logical, almost a bureaucratic, hell. I can envision you creating special locations within this hell, and I can also imagine several plotslines which involve this location. 

All in all, a fine Hell.

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A most excellent submission - my only concern is the same as Echo's. As time has gone on, my own vision of justice has leaned a little against eye-for-eye punishments. Frankly, I think that is too easy. For a torturer to simply need to be tortured in turn ... does not completly work for me.  The focus on physical punishments also seems to strong.  

 

That said, tops marks from me!

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Well written and organized.  Perfect balancing of a life against it's deeds.  Very emotional and rational.  I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.  However, applying it in a gaming session, seems to escape me.  The lasting consequences of any choice from the plot hooks seems trivial.  What value is there in helping a soul to move on?  What are the consequences of interfereing in some other way?  Just a few thoughts on the matter.

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A very good answer. I've had players that would both relish a situation like this and other players who would just squirm and complain. Ultimately this boils down to a play test or even a side quest for a PC or two who would value it. Thanks for the clarifications. Go to Comment

Those are extremely good points, and you will forgive me for taking a bit of time to think about them, before responding, I hope. I haven't actually had any experience in planeswalking or interdimensional RPGing, but I can say that I envisioned bringing this to a game session as a way to sorely test the players' faith in a kind afterlife. As they walk the hallways, they should see names they recognize -- good friends, grandparents, former party members -- people who they deeply care about and who SHOULD have moved on by now (at least, according to the dominant religion back home). They should see people they admire and respect being broken down bit by bit, their minds slowing descending into guilt-driven madness.

Combine that with the time limit of a spiritual quest, and you should have heroes who are sorely tempted to stop and help many people but just *can't* before the time runs out. And therein lies the only true benefit in helping a soul move on -- it's all about easing a character's conscience or testing their compassion in a difficult situation. It may be a way for them to gain information, resolve an old dispute, or perhaps even evoke pity for a hated enemy.

Interfering in any way outside the normal "rules" for Katumus should be dealt with swiftly and mercilessly by the various guardians. Perhaps the characters could even be held accountable for such actions in their own afterlife. Serious enough transgressions here could possibly lead to soul perma-death, like being cast into The Non. This isn't to say that the players couldn't get away with some things -- they'd just have to be able to smooth-talk or find another creative way out of trouble.

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Update: Fixed a few grammatical errors (thanks, Echo). Go to Comment

I really, really like this plot hook. Thanks for the idea :) Go to Comment