The one thing I would change is how you handle the "name change." It took me as second to realize that this new character Brand was actually Jon. I'd say right away, as soon as you decide to start calling the protagonist Brand, to have a line about the fact that the daughter told him his actual name.
But other than that, it was great. Excellent work, Dossta. Go to Comment
The profile and journal have the most potential as story drivers, both for a group and for the cult. This whole cult idea could turn into a setting if there are constant occurrences that keep the party wondering if the Cult is actually right about the Game. Or a campaign at least. Go to Comment
Read it, think that it is a good sub for expanding the Player Cult. However, for the same reason mentioned on your last Player Cult associated sub, I'm refraining from voting b/c some of the items just don't speak to me personally and the potential score I could give it is stretching over too wide a range depending on how objective I want to look at the piece. Go to Comment
I think the formatting of this is brilliant and I do think this 30 rounds out the Player Cult nicely and adds great depth to it in terms of the inner intrigues that're going on. However, I do have to say modern is just not my thing so I sort of stopped reading halfway through the Puzzle Gamer section (I did jump ahead and read Exodus and thinks that gives a very good reason for the Death Bringer Guild arising within the Player Cult).
I'm not voting on this particular piece b/c I think I might do it an injustice. I wouldn't change a single thing on it (which according to what I revealed abt my voting practice should be a 5) but if someone really force me to vote on it, my gut feeling would tell me to vote a 4. And yes, I did mention (when I revealed my voting standard) that I will refrain from voting on subs that are just not my 'cup of tea' regardless of their quality. Go to Comment
This is a very complete 30. It is very useful for both, as you said, a gang member, or their actual purpose: being a Player. This does a very good job at fleshing out the Cult and its ambitions. I have a feeling that I should critique you on something in this, but I can't think of what.
T’adshi’gazmu, as they are known in the far-flung galaxy where they originate, resemble sea-scorpions, anywhere from six to eight inches in length, but are not aquatic by nature. Unusual creatures comprised almost entirely of chitin, with numerous appendages, feelers, antennae, prodders, and pincers, they are not a good choice for those wanting emotionally satisfying interactions with their pets. Their claim to fame is the astonishing, prehensile strength of their pincer grips. If they can grasp an object, they can crush it like kindling, up to and including titanium steel or even harder materials! Originally, these critters were used by the highly unpleasant Buruvi race for crushing and opening the bizarre, stone-hard shells of the mollusk-like creatures of their home world. Over the centuries Shellcrackers have found their way inside the PetDex cubes, and are now prized by owners for their ability to destroy *anything* they can get their pincers around (approximately something 1.5 inches in diameter or smaller) once taken out of their cube. Creatures of little intelligence (thankfully), great care must be taken when letting “loose” the Shellcrackers, as one Captain Kurkus Three-Finger can attest to, for example. Starship engineers have also been documented using Shellcrackers to snap cables and wiring in emergency situations.
They require little “care”, as they feed on invisible particles, found in almost any given environment, and seem perfectly content to simply crush and break, any object put in front of them. There are rumors of giant Shellcrackers somewhere out there in the vastness of space, and tales of these creatures ripping through starships as if through aluminum foil, but thankfully those have not found their way into PetDex cubes…as of yet. Go to Comment
Even though I'm not personally into pets, I do find the idea of this sub likeable. However, I don't quite get why govts. want to get their hands on some unkeyed Pet Cubes. Is it sth like the Pet Cube can capture any species in the whole universe and so they can store even humans in a Pet Cube if they wanted?
P.S Will add some to the Creature Dex when I have time and some ideas. Go to Comment