I don't expect everyone to like my ideas, but when someone says that I "lost them after a few paragraphs" I get a little concerned. Do you mean that you didn't finish reading the piece because it was too confusing? Too boring? I can tighten up the prose, but I need to know exactly what went wrong before I can fix it.
Well, if it's just length there's not much I want to change. I may tighten it a little, but most of my subs are in this ballpark (some longer, some shorter).
As for whether it's supposed to be taken seriously, that's completely up to the GM. :P These guys could be pretty dangerous, given their mindset. The Players themselves would probably be a mix between the true believers and the people just in it for shits and giggles (and drugs, excitement, etc). Go to Comment
Nice. So, basically, PCs running around with a reason for the antics they get up too.
My only suggestion would be to maybe add a couple more Guilds to the scene. The three you have do work, but I think that such a cult would have five maybe. I know if I joined I'd start my own guild, called the Laeti- the happy guild, believing that extreme happiness, the most perfectly happy a person could possibly be, leads to escape from the game.
But, overall, nice. This cult bears the caesar193 seal of approval. Go to Comment
Well there was just sooo much text y'know. And while you did break it up, I kinda just lost the incentive to keep reading. The confusing part is whether this is supposed to be taken seriously or as parody, because the subject seems humorous but it's written in a serious way. If that makes any sense. Go to Comment
I'd love to help you out Dossta. I'll reserve my voting for later and give you some possible thoughts for one of the original six; feel free to use or discard them as you like:
Anndrais: The Monster Patron
The first-born and eldest of Maire's monster children, albeit only by several months. Anndrais's mother was Siùsan, the timid redhead who Maire first found wrapped around her husbands loins. Being the first and most volatile of Maire's experiments, Anndrais has some troubles with his regeneration; it seems he must expunge twice as much of his soul to replenish just as much flesh as his younger brothers and sisters do. In spite of his increased need for flesh consumption, he only rarely preys on humankind for sustenance; only when his wounds dire or his craving insatiable.
Anndrais took much of Maire's teachings to heart and became quite well learned. In adult life, he is a land owner; playing the game of politics and holding quite a high standing in the courts. Anndrais hides his 'affliction' well, and very few people know of his true nature.
Being the eldest, he considers himself guardian of his younger siblings and will always seek to help them in any way he can - whether financially, or using his political power to get them out of trouble (yet again!!), or finding his poor, weak youngest sister a tasty beggar to sate her thirst on. While Anndrais rarely gives into his craving for human flesh, he forgives even the most bloodthirsty of his family for their discretions.
Anndrais's plot hooks:
- The PC's have been invited to dinner at the manor of Anndrais. The lord is quite accomodating and pleasant. However, something does seem... odd, about him. Hopefully Anndrais isn't TOO hungry or the PC's may not make it out of his manor alive!
- the brave PC's have managed to slay/lock away an undead menace who has been terrorizing the town, killing beggars and prostitutes in alleyways! But soon, the militia is after them instead! The whole town has turned against the PC's, as Anndrais uses his power in the courts to criminalize them, as revenge for daring to attack his younger brother!
Since each of these zombies have sentience they would adopt their own unique personalities. Some could reject their blood-shedding ways, some could revel in it. Some may be timid, others violent. Some may choose to blend into society, becoming wealthy and of a status (yet hiding their secret.). Others may choose to roam the wilds almost animalistically, preying on passing caravans for sustenance. It would be cool to think of the 'stately, reclusive but suave mansion-owner' as a zombie and not a vampire for a change!! Go to Comment
Since they were artificially conceived by a mad necromancer, they can all have meaningful names drawn from mythology. It would also be fun to invert positive deities into defiled versions, such as a rotting zombie warrior named after the god of health, or a hideous she zombie named after the goddess of love. Go to Comment
Could two of this siblings conceive a child, maybe that child would more Mother Monster could stand and she would have to call the PCs to deal with it? Actually I now have an idea for that... Go to Comment
I wanted to leave this as separate since one is an NPC and one is a life-form. However, I agree that this needs more detail and adding in some of the autobiographical stuff about the Six is a great idea. Will modify soon! Go to Comment