Was Guznal Skarsnik the one seeking to learn more about cultures? Was the spear supposed a tool to help him do that?
Does the spear "make fish" since you can use it to catch fish in a pool that would not normally have any or do you just wish to keep that vague and mystical. Vague is fine, but if that is the case then you may wish to remove the point about it limiting the the fisherman to five fish per "use". Because what counts as a fishing trip? And if it manifests fish from nothing, than what if the fear of over fishing.
I think you want this write up and the item to be means by which we can get a side long veiw of goblin culture. I like that idea, but I don't think this has succeeded. If you don't want this to be a novel window in the goblin way of life then try taking this up with the 100 word challenge. Go to Comment
This kind of goes against the trope of fantasy standard version of goblins being shrieking mobs of hero-fodder, probably too much so (goblin scholar?!). A very important question this sub doesn't answer is: are Skarsnik goblins normal goblins in this setting? If not, why?
Why does the spear have elvish writing along the handle? Why does Guznal share a last name with his tribe?
Having said that, you have an excellent style of writing. Descriptive and to the point. You have a lot of sentence fragments, though, and that hurts the readability a little.
I especially like the detachability of the dagger/staff combo. It'd be cool if the staff helped make long journeys, or the knife with skinning rabbits, just so that all three pieces could share a theme. Go to Comment
A good start, though it could use some revision. Forganthus gives a good list of questions to consider when reworking this item to make it more internally consistent and interesting to GMs. Try reading your submission out loud to catch the fragmented sentences. I would also consider giving the person in the summary a name, so that we know he is a non-goblin, creeping up on Guznal -- that part was pretty confusing when I first read it.
What I enjoyed most was the Nil's simple utility. There should be many more simple magic items like this. More tools for easing life. I also like how the dagger and staff are detachable. Well done.
P.S. It took courage to admit your mistakes publicly and still come back to post. I'm glad that you did. Go to Comment
Goblins are actually quite an intelligent race once you look past the somewhat 'ugly' exterior. Well, the goblins of the Skarsnik Clan are at least. The other goblin clans having succumbed to their being despised by 'civilisation', driving them to commit the acts of atrocity that they are hated for.
As for the elvish writing, more on that in my upcoming submission about the Skarsnik Goblins.
All goblins share their tribes name. This is supposed to fill them with a sense of pride and belonging.
I don't quite understand what you mean by "sentence fragments", could you explain? Go to Comment
You entered this as fiction, but its a really good idea. The story is simple but decently written (although 'I am weak' gets said an awful lot), the ending is a little bit cheesy, and I absolutely love this imagery of a demon sitting behind skin curtains stabbing a withered heart. It's demonic possession, but of a very different sort--none of this mucking about with mind control and incorporeality.
And it brings to mind a bunch of campaign ideas. Fiction is full of things that slither up your nose and control your brain, and I see this as just a death metal extension of that same idea. It could be difficult to track down an demon like this if incorporeal possession was ruled out. And the demon could be a nasty surprise if the party came looking for a corporeal demon. Trying to rescue a guy from the imp, when he needs the imp to 'live' could probably involved deceiving the imp while he is led to some place where he can be taken out safely. Although that doesn't seem possible, if an angel can't save him.
Which brings me to my last point: the guy seems doomed. Really, fully doomed from the very first line. This might be too bleak for a lot of games, but I like this stuff. Pity this undead. Go to Comment
Good advice, especially for those on a budget, or looking to expand their gaming collection without taking out a small loan.
On a side note, another great low cost resource is to acquire books on .pdf. From legitimate sources like drivethrurpg.com you can usually get most books in electronic format for 1/2 to 1/4 the cost of dead tree version.
Less official sources, such as 4shared, rapidshare, filehosting, etc.. as well as torrents can help you expend your .pdf inventory even further for virtually nothing more then the time to download the files and the storage space on your PC. (Such un-offical sources are also great places to find out of print, or otherwise impossible to find gaming books that go for hundreds of dollars from retailers.) Go to Comment
There's a few dead tree versions of games that are insanely priced no matter someones income level as well. For example Game of Thrones Deluxe Limited Edition rpg goes for anywhere from $400-$960 for a single 400 some odd page book. o.O At those kinds of prices finding it in electronic format in the free price range is the only realistic option for the majority of people. Go to Comment
Not just them Axle, you'll find every challenged sub is by a different author, by male and female names, many from the same website. (unlikely someone would register on the same site under multiple names.) Go to Comment
Gaming can indeed be quite an expensive hobby. I don't have any manuals or rule books myself. If I needed one I would go to my local library and ask if they have it, if they didn't they were usually able to order it in, free of charge :)
Dice are expensive as well. Which reminds me, I need to get in contact with Strolen about that pair >.<
A good article, I'm sure that this will prove useful to people.