If you haven't seen any of my other posts, I am a man of brief descriptions. I personally prefer as few details as possible. Enough to get the point across. I find it easier to work ideas in when there's more breathing room. But, if it's details you want, details I can give.
I like Valadaar's suggestion so I will rework this item with a "known" history and a "real" history. Go to Comment
Has definate promise.... inovative concept but as the others have said. Very lacking in the meat and potatoes portion of the description of who, what, where, and why. Don't really need a when but it would help. Flesh it out, add some page breaks and I will re-read and re-vote. Go to Comment
Likes: Interesting concept. Not too powerful in that it takes control of a rod or absorbs its abilities, but it just activates them, creating a haywire situation. Nicely written intro...
Dislikes: ...but not enough for me. Some wizard made it and got attacked. Who is this guy? Who attacked him? What were they trying to find? That part almost seems like a cop-out for writing a real backstory. And why would he make such a rod? Some more stuff on that could make this a great post.
I'll hold off on voting until you can make it shine, which I'm sure you can do. Go to Comment
Like others, I have a hard time going along with the "unknown" alchemist/mage. A couple of the items that I've submitted suffered from a similar reaction: Even if the players never figure it out, the GM really wants to know what the true origins of the item are.
This unknown prodigy among alchemists: Why did he make such a rod? Was it intended for another purpose, but never completed due to his unfortunate demise? Perhaps it was intended to steal away the powers of other magic items, but all the item's creator finished was the "beta model", intended only to test the first portions of the needed enchantments. We have great (and amusing) detail about what happened after the man's demise, but the beginning of the rod's story is a complete blank.
The journal sounds like it would almost be more interesting than the rod itself. Perhaps its scorched remains hold other secrets, other tantalizing hints of the mysterious researcher's achievements? Such an item could send wizards haring off on many an expedition, convinced that they have a lead on some unknown magical powers. The journal is also the most credible way that the PCs could learn of the rod's theoretical powers. Go to Comment
Who would make such a thing, as useful as it may have been? Was there a special purpose behind it? What was it's backstory? How was it used?
The item itself is fine. In fact, I like it (do you mind if I make my own version of it?). But every item this nice needs to have an equally nice backstory.
I'm apparently not as forgiving of a lack of backstory as Agar, because I give you a...
Not every item needs a back story. This could be a "type of item", not a unique item... but one of dozens having been made over the years. It is just a "less than perfect" magic item being used by enchanters who want to support monks/ unarmed combatants.
Maybe they could of first been created for a clerical order of the Iron Fisted God. Now since that God's worship has faded away, all that is left if the items and the knowledge to make them. Go to Comment
By late afternoon, the sky starts to cloud over. The sun shines behind the fluffy clouds, gilding the edges and showing a Jacob's-ladder of rays streaming through the gaps...very pretty. Gradually the clouds shift into a new configuration: you realize with awe-struck, preternatural clarity that the clouds form a map of a coast-line that you know against the blue sky as ocean: surely it's a Sign! Suddenly, the golden beams coalesce into one long ray that strikes across the blue. A star-like gleam flashes under the ray: perhaps it is an island? But the charts show no island there...who would want to hide an island? Who could do it?