A few questions: Is Cela actually alive, or is she a form of undead?
Second: when she brings someone back from the dead, are they like her -- pale and colorless, or has she improved the process somehow?
A minor critique: "distilled, 200 proof pain" doesn't sound like something Cela would think, so describing her pain that way jolted me out of the narrative a little.
A suggestion: Cela's goal is immortality for all. Very cool stuff there. Could you give us a hint on how she plans to do it, so that we could use it?
Overall, this is a good piece Chaos. The writing for the parts in blockquotes is superb, and the character portrait at the end is believable and tragic. I kinda wish I had an example of Cela's dialogue, so that I could hear how she sounds, but that's pretty much it. Wonder what happened to her "mother". Go to Comment
The horror of this abomination brings tears of rage to my eyes. The glorious creature now turned by the selfish evils that care not a whit about life almost takes the breathe out of you. (Well, maybe it actually does do that.)
I honestly have many issues contemplating a place with some of these udead and then adding this monstrosity to the mix is only too much. We need a Paladin guild! :) Go to Comment
I like it, but something just doesn't seem to sit well with me. He definitely seems a being, creature, entity or what have you, of evil and death. The concept of reducing what we know to be a being of pure light and goodness (some settings anyway) into its antithesis is awesome and you have done that. I just cant put my finger on it. Withholding my vote right now until I read it a few more times.
Current vote would be a 3/5 but wanting it to be higher. Go to Comment
Honestly, I'm not entirely sure if I played up the undead aspect of his nature sufficiently. But then, it's rather hard to take a creature known for resurrection and make it undead. Thoughts are appreciated. Go to Comment
Simply the concept of twisting the phoenix/bennu bird into its dark-winged opposite is a magnificent one! A true cosmic horror!
I'm slightly less crazy about its name. It seems modern-ish, for such a legendary being..."murder"? For my tastes, even "Deathblaze" for example, seems more epic, dunno. I feel this avian darkness deserves a more epic name.
Would love to see a bit more on the creature too. What else does it do? Where does it go, why does it go there, some character interaction of some sort. Some further legends or anecdotal horror.
Wow. That definitely hit a chord with me -- so glad this came back up on the front page so I could find it. Like Strolen, I'm moved to near tears by this powerful submission. I do wonder if Murderblaze acts as his own free agent, or if he is beholden/sworn to anyone else. That would be a rather interesting dynamic.
I want to put this guy into a game just so that my players could undo the damage done to him! I want to see him whole again. Go to Comment
I've never verified this, but I would be interested if someone was willing to try: If you blindfold a person and close their nose where they cannot smell, you cannot tell the difference between biting into an apple and biting into an onion. There is/was a gameshow on SyFy that was based on this entire premise, Blackout. Contestants were escorted into completely blacked out room and had to identify things using only certain other senses, such as touch only, or scent only.
it seems you've been eviscerated and eaten by a grue. Go to Comment
"The ____ is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No ____ has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale." Go to Comment
I went back the link these guys came from, and I hate to admit this, I have no idea what these guys are. There isn't a description of what they look like or how they move. Can they be harmed by mundane weapons? Magic? Are they like shoggoths, floating shadow blobs? The shadow warped semblances of animals? I am left with many questions. Go to Comment