Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Tyren - Overview
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-03-10 01:15 PM
Okay a couple of things:

Tyren, a land of (limited) magic and wonder...If it ever really gets off the ground.
Change this. It will discourage everyone except people striving to read every submission on the site from reading your post. Explain what Tyren is... if it was a movie blurb... short, exciting, something to catch their attention.


Overview of the Overview
Either delete this entire section OR give us a history/ inspirations for where this world came from.

Remember: Self-effacement is not an endearing quality to a reader. Project confidence in your writing and people will "believe" what you have to say more often and not question you as much.

The world was forged of five elements: fire, water, earth, air, and void.
Either explain all of them or none of them (or create a linked section to your elemental post.

This is a mono-deistic world
Henotheism or Duotheistic 1713

This world is one that has been torn apart by a supernatural war, though most of those who live in current age do not believe "those old myths", or at best consider them the result of actual happenings enhanced by the primitives who didn't know what was happening and thus grasped the only concept available: that the supernatural was warring with itself.
This is an evil awkward sentence. You REALLY need to break this down into three to five sentences. Also this section could be under its own little header as history.

Magic
This section is fine, as far as it goes. While magic is an important part of the world, what about the world it is part of.

Things missing:
A section on the broad cultural overview (tell us what the people in most of your places are like), what the people are like (Humans or Giant Ostriches?), something of what nature is like (Earth Normal Creatures, giant mutant monsters, fantasy animals, or what?), something what the planet is like (is it nominally Earthish or is it a patchwork of odd landscapes or is it an island of stones floating upon the ocean of air?)

These sections do not need to be big, but they do need to be there. They should be quick descriptions, painted in broad strokes, to give us an idea of things here. You can do these "ideas" and then do the real write ups later.

And make this a codex, it will be easier. Just link in all the over viewing submissions (like magic) so it will be easy to see and find things.

The score here is for the write up, not the world. The write up is poor. The world has promise. Fix the write up and I will probably fix the vote. Go to Comment
Tyren - Overview
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-03-11 12:30 AM
I don't make the definitions, I just report them. I pulled those definitions out of a book of theology, after encountering the definitions in an RPG on my shelf. After a short chat with a reverend of my acquaintance, just to make sure, I accepted them. Sure, it is a short answer to say it is a monotheism, and the Churches continue to use it because it is simple and people understand it. Theologists, have their own technical language. It is in much the same way that people say America is a Democracy. That is not actually true. It is a Republic with democratic ideals (or democratic republic depending on your choice of phrasing).

Christianity, in general, is a Henotheism.. though then you apply the splitting of the trinity and the oppositional sides and more terms are applied. Angels (and other spiritual assistants) while are not GODs, are considered part of the divine. Sure The Deity made them (as it made lots of things) but they are not part of the world... they are part of the divine (thus falling under the definition of Henotheism). If you "bad god" is not extremely powerful (even if he was made by The Deity, then corrupted), what is stopping your main deity from just wasting the bad god? Morning Star was The #2 in Heaven before the fall.

This is not a big issue, just being definitionally correct. Go to Comment
Tyren - Overview
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-03-11 12:32 AM
Updated Vote Go to Comment
Tyren - Overview
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
Chaosmark's comment on 2006-03-10 04:24 PM
I've no problem with your advice, but I dislike your categories of Monotheism. Tyren definitely isn't Duotheistic, but it's not Henotheistic either. I definitely would call it Monotheistic, because while yes, there ARE other spiritual beings besides Trigu (such as the Rhin, the demons, and L'ruhk), they aren't deities. They're creations, just like the humans and other creatures. They might have a different level of "spiritual muscle", but that makes them no more deity than a human. Go to Comment
Tyren - Overview
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
Chaosmark's comment on 2006-03-11 08:19 AM
I understand that, I just prefer the way that it stands right now. Technically incorrect is probably better than technically correct, because if I start tossing out theological terms that even I hadn't heard before, it might be a turn off. Thanks for the advice though. Go to Comment
Tyren - Overview
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
Chaosmark's comment on 2007-01-06 12:53 AM
Updated: Minor consistency and phrasing changes. Nothing big. Go to Comment
Tyren - Overview
Articles  (Resource)   (Game Mastering)
Murometz's comment on 2006-04-01 02:07 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Elements of the Creation
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-03-10 04:41 PM
Delete me eventually.
MoonHunter: In relationship to magic and correspondence (what things are symbolically linked to others)... what is associated with each element.

MoonHunter: You listed the personalities of people... which is a good start...

MoonHunter: but are there animals associated with fire (such as predators or fast land animals?

MoonHunter: Fire magic would be able to change people's minds?

MoonHunter: include in this the various functions and associations for each element.

MoonHunter: see? This will be very useful given the magic system you listed,

MoonHunter: On one last thing - Change the name to Magical Element of Tyren or some such... otherwise people will be looking at it for the wrong things. Go to Comment
Elements of the Creation
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-03-12 12:22 AM
However, I think you're looking at this from a different perspective than I. I'm presenting these five elements in an all-inclusive format, telling what each element does and why things are why they are. You're asking a question that sounds like it'd come from a student first learning of the elements and why things are why they are.

Well yes I am. The reason? Because people reading your post will not be natives of Tyren. They will have only a general clue about what the elements mean on Tyren.

That means they will bring their baggage with them. So Air will be of wind, intellect, senses, and travel, Water will be of ocean, emotion, healing, and people, Fire will be fire, drive, leadership, and physical arts, Earth will be solid, law/ order, crafts, and enchantment. But what will your average person think of void? Is it the same as western Spirit or something else?
**And you know other people will have other interpretations of them. What is it for your world?

The reasons I want associations and what each element specializes in, in skill/ areas of expression terms, is for magic users. They need to know what each element will do for their cards and spells.

There isn't any sort of "association" with animals and elements. No symbolism, no real links. The only assocations made will be in-game, by Scholars whose knowledge has exceded their wisdom, and won't affect the characters at all.
Except magic using characters. So everything will be done in game, i.e. the person running your game must make it up as they want without regards to what your vision for the world is.

Elemental associations run deep through symbolism and culture. Learned people will use them, even if they are not magical. The Hermetic ones, color Christianity, European Language, how wine is fermented, playing cards, heraldry, and millions of other things. If elements are not important, that would be okay. But you have an elemental magic system. You made them important.

Without telling us what each element is good for... we can't use the magic system except as a vague guideline for us to do our own work on it.

I am asking the hard questions because this has great potential. I would hate to see it wasted. Go to Comment
Elements of the Creation
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-03-19 10:43 PM
vote to be updated, when you update this one. Go to Comment
Elements of the Creation
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Pieh's comment on 2010-09-15 06:14 PM
Enjoyable read. Not very fresh or new, but a good solid take on a classic idea. Go to Comment
Elements of the Creation
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Cheka Man's comment on 2010-09-15 09:27 PM
A good idea from you. Go to Comment
Elements of the Creation
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Chaosmark's comment on 2006-03-11 11:12 PM
In no particular order...

Yes, fire magic would be a part of casting a spell that manipulates people's minds. *notes that he forgot about multi-casting in his Kren post*

However, I think you're looking at this from a different perspective than I. I'm presenting these five elements in an all-inclusive format, telling what each element does and why things are why they are. You're asking a question that sounds like it'd come from a student first learning of the elements and why things are why they are (to the people of Tyren, the why of the elements is like rocket science to modern humans: accepted and trusted, but impossible for the average joe-blow to understand). There isn't any sort of "association" with animals and elements. No symbolism, no real links. The only assocations made will be in-game, by Scholars whose knowledge has exceded their wisdom, and won't affect the characters at all.

Then again, it might have an effect on rituals that require a sacrifice to perform. Use an animal associated with an element to enhance a particular effect. This is, of course, not something I'm going to handle. I leave any sort of associations and all that to any other GM who might use this system of Elements. I myself will not. Go to Comment
Elements of the Creation
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Chaosmark's comment on 2006-03-11 11:22 PM
Updated: Gone live. Go to Comment
Elements of the Creation
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Pariah's comment on 2006-03-19 09:15 PM
I was stuck between 4.5 and 5. Bad place to be.

Anyway, Moon is right. Even if they don't really affect the magic, everyone is going to associate animals with the elements. You did it yourself inside the post, with air and the mongoose. Go to Comment
Ritual Magic In Tyren
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-03-05 10:52 AM
Not as useful as the other posts. It is short. It seems incomplete. It does not include what a ritual is like, what tools it needs, what someone needs to do to make it happen. It is very vague.

Witholding vote until updated. Go to Comment
Ritual Magic In Tyren
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-08-12 01:28 PM
And not being posted after all these months... A pity. I guess we could take up the mantle and start making information up for him.... Go to Comment
Ritual Magic In Tyren
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-03-04 08:37 PM
A bit short, and a bit too focuesed on Zun, rather than the entire five elemental system. I would have liked to have seen potential implements of ritual (canopic jars and mummified corpses for Egyptian-esque, or elaborate circles and pentacles for Hermetic). This makes it feel like any old rock would do fine for a sil spell. Go to Comment
Ritual Magic In Tyren
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Cheka Man's comment on 2006-03-04 06:29 PM
I like this as well. Go to Comment
Ritual Magic In Tyren
Systems  (Mystical)   (Specific)
Michael Jotne Slayer's comment on 2006-03-08 09:31 AM
I like this as well, and the part about blood added a nice flavour like the lifeforce in Kren magic. Details like that adds life to your post.
But it's still a little vague and thus the vote, I would like more on the entire five elemental systems as a whole.

My holding vote 3.5. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
548

Join Now!!




Fatal error: Call to undefined function top_menu() in /home/strolen/public_html/lockmor/application/views/citadel/vfooter.php on line 2