Very nice. Other than a little more back-story on the Necromancer and the Lover, and perhaps a bit more visual detail on the violin itself it would be a very nice piece to drop into the right campaign.
Perhaps it could be a bit more in appearance than simply a "Masterwork Violin"; perhaps the strings of the violin are bone white, or for something more subtle it perhaps the violin always feel cold, not ice cold, just a little cold. Go to Comment
Made me smile. Perfect for a steampunk or science-fantasy setting, and a refreshing change of pace. I was actually disappointed not to find links to other subs, simply because the world and religion you hinted at was pretty darn cool.
A note of caution. If these things are as powerful as you imply, then a GM would have to be very creative in how they use them in a game. Deus ex machina is a real possibility here. I would probably treat them as I would a dragon -- there to add flavor and potential quest hooks, but ultimately relegated to the background. Go to Comment
This submission is dedicated to a girl that I hardly knew, yet had a profound impact on a lot of people that I love dearly. She died far too young, and reminded me of just how terrible a toll death extracts from those who survive. Until the day when death is a bad memory, may this token of remembrance burn on in the darkness. Go to Comment
I've modified the submission to cover a few of these points, which are excellent.
Cela is not an undead (except, perhaps, philosophically), which I thought had been handled by "She was able to snatch the girls soul from the Void of Souls and bind it to her body long enough for Cela to heal from her mortal wounds", but I can understand if that wasn't entirely clear.
As for her mother, that's something entirely up to the GM who wants to use Cela. It could be that she quietly passed away, or that she was hunted down by religious authorities, or is still out there, providing support and a "home base" for her daughter's quest.
The rest all were included in the update, but for redundancies sake:
* The children are also color-drained. Nothing comes for free, and subverting the course of nature as thoroughly as this is bound to leave a mark.
* Wording within the narrative was modified to be slightly less jarring. You were correct here, and I had just gotten used to it after reading and re-reading that passage. This is why writers have editors.
* I've given a smidge of direction for her goals in the journal excerpt, but honestly this is something that a GM has to decide for themselves, since it's heavily contingent on the campaign world and what is possible. Go to Comment
The journal excerpt was amazing. Very original take on a necromancer, that's for sure, she seeks immortality for everyone. I LOVE how her story begins epically, and then this line---"Her survival was purely the work of a traveling necromancer who happened to be staying in the town which massacred the clan." I really like the dichotomy there of "fated to be this way" fractured by, "happenstance and serendipity". You can tell this was written with some emotion and extra care. The comments are good too. The questions apt, and the answers satisfactory.