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Lover's Downfall
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
Eric the Grey's comment on 2013-09-09 10:58 AM
Very nice. Other than a little more back-story on the Necromancer and the Lover, and perhaps a bit more visual detail on the violin itself it would be a very nice piece to drop into the right campaign.

It's too bad none of my players play a bard...
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Lover's Downfall
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
CrazyF1r3f0x's comment on 2013-08-29 03:11 PM
Short and sweet, I like it. Though personally I think that for some extra flair the violin could have physical qualities that subtly betray its function. I'll post an idea in a few. Go to Comment
Lover's Downfall
Items  (Art and Music)   (Magical)
CrazyF1r3f0x's comment on 2013-08-29 03:15 PM
Perhaps it could be a bit more in appearance than simply a "Masterwork Violin"; perhaps the strings of the violin are bone white, or for something more subtle it perhaps the violin always feel cold, not ice cold, just a little cold. Go to Comment
Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2013-04-09 10:44 AM
Pluses for originality and the name Whrrrm which is awesomely mechanical sounding and just fits perfect.

Intro gives us a small taste and the description, while limited, is plenty to get the idea across. Some things I want more details and such, but for this one, I think it was enough.

A DM's deus ex machina (literally) for resolving certain incidents. Go to Comment
Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Strolen's comment on 2013-05-25 04:04 AM
Congrats to Chaos and this submission being the second place submission in the quest Religions and Cults!! Go to Comment
Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Shadoweagle's comment on 2013-04-07 08:13 PM
Mecha-angels are a cool idea, cm! I love the imagery behind them and the way that they were human, but their entire makeup, from muscles to blood have been altered and replaced.

The highlight of the sub is definitely the case file though; it draws a colourful image of how powerfully these things are meant to be presented. Go to Comment
Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Chaosmark's comment on 2013-04-10 01:29 PM
At the moment, there are only 4 other submissions within this setting, two of which are irrelevant. I did, however, link to both of the relevant subs, and will add some further cross-linking to help.

In particular, you'll be wanting to take a look at Melders. I don't have much more than that yet, but as this sub shows, I like the setting and want to keep expanding it, so more shall be forthcoming.

Also, I fully agree that they should generally be relegated to the background. Some things just end up that way, and divine creatures of any kind tend to fall heavily into that category.
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Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-23 05:14 PM
I really love the flavor text, puts a real face on things, it is also the most literal use of deus ex machina I have ever found in a narrative.

Nice work, the angels remind of Siren's steampunk valkyries, also the local timely and very specific nature of the god reminds me of "Trixie and the Panda's of Dread"

http://www.apex-magazine.com/trixie-and-the-pandas-of-dread/

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Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
axlerowes's comment on 2013-04-23 05:14 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
valadaar's comment on 2014-03-05 07:49 AM
Yes, certainly BAMFs. The idea is neat, and the world that these lead into is one I'd love to see more of. I shall have to visit those links later :)

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Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Kassy's comment on 2014-05-29 09:58 AM


5.0/5



Oh this is sweet! Added to favorites! val got it right there: BAMF!



Edit: Bit of random trivia here. Isn't Akasha also the name of the main enemy in UT3?

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Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2013-04-10 12:16 PM
Made me smile. Perfect for a steampunk or science-fantasy setting, and a refreshing change of pace. I was actually disappointed not to find links to other subs, simply because the world and religion you hinted at was pretty darn cool.

A note of caution. If these things are as powerful as you imply, then a GM would have to be very creative in how they use them in a game. Deus ex machina is a real possibility here. I would probably treat them as I would a dragon -- there to add flavor and potential quest hooks, but ultimately relegated to the background. Go to Comment
Akasha
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (Any)
Dossta's comment on 2013-04-11 01:57 PM
Thanks for linking back to the original submission -- it, too, is a fantastic read. Go to Comment
Cela Ardonyth
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2012-10-22 07:28 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
Cela Ardonyth
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-10-22 07:55 PM
I never vote like this, and all I can say is marvelous. Go to Comment
Cela Ardonyth
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2012-10-21 11:19 PM
This submission is dedicated to a girl that I hardly knew, yet had a profound impact on a lot of people that I love dearly. She died far too young, and reminded me of just how terrible a toll death extracts from those who survive. Until the day when death is a bad memory, may this token of remembrance burn on in the darkness. Go to Comment
Cela Ardonyth
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2012-10-25 05:02 PM
Update: Updated based on suggestions. Go to Comment
Cela Ardonyth
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Chaosmark's comment on 2012-10-25 05:31 PM
I've modified the submission to cover a few of these points, which are excellent.

Cela is not an undead (except, perhaps, philosophically), which I thought had been handled by "She was able to snatch the girls soul from the Void of Souls and bind it to her body long enough for Cela to heal from her mortal wounds", but I can understand if that wasn't entirely clear.

As for her mother, that's something entirely up to the GM who wants to use Cela. It could be that she quietly passed away, or that she was hunted down by religious authorities, or is still out there, providing support and a "home base" for her daughter's quest.

The rest all were included in the update, but for redundancies sake:
* The children are also color-drained. Nothing comes for free, and subverting the course of nature as thoroughly as this is bound to leave a mark.
* Wording within the narrative was modified to be slightly less jarring. You were correct here, and I had just gotten used to it after reading and re-reading that passage. This is why writers have editors.
* I've given a smidge of direction for her goals in the journal excerpt, but honestly this is something that a GM has to decide for themselves, since it's heavily contingent on the campaign world and what is possible. Go to Comment
Cela Ardonyth
NPCs  (Major)   (Mystical)
Murometz's comment on 2012-12-14 11:34 PM
The journal excerpt was amazing. Very original take on a necromancer, that's for sure, she seeks immortality for everyone. I LOVE how her story begins epically, and then this line---"Her survival was purely the work of a traveling necromancer who happened to be staying in the town which massacred the clan." I really like the dichotomy there of "fated to be this way" fractured by, "happenstance and serendipity". You can tell this was written with some emotion and extra care. The comments are good too. The questions apt, and the answers satisfactory.

Powerful piece. Go to Comment
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