Not too original then, no?
(Also, you managed to strip them of all their vulnerabilities in the process - no mystical vulnerability, no folk remedy, and no death from the sun... I can imagine munchkins everywhere creaming their pants).

I don't mean to sound hostile, but this needs work. Go to Comment

I gave it some more thought.

You know, the concept of the vampire was very different across cultures, times and legends. Why, I read about a kind of vampire that comes into being when a woman's head detaches and floats around with the organs and spine dangling behind, sucking blood of course. People put thorny branches into the windows so that vampires would get caught by their guts in them, and not be able to enter.
That's an actual legend, from planet Earth.

You have vampires that are little more than corpses, driven by eternal hunger. You have baroque socialites and weeping emo metrosexuals.

The sole common theme is blood. So. We Strolenites pride ourselves on being original. Proceed accordingly. Go to Comment

I feel like this post is sort of aimed wrong. The most interesting parts of the submission are the backstory and the "pyramid scheme of blood," to quote EchoMirage. But I feel like both of those are sort of neglected in order to focus on the less important business of describing a vampire's powers. Since these guys aren't too different from normal vampires with regards to their abilities, I would have preferred a short bit on abilities, with more detail on the rest. You say that an NPC post is coming for Anaszt; I think that this might have been better suited to being a small part of that post.

As relates to this, though, I am curious as to the extent of their regeneration. You say that they can regenerate even lethal wounds. How lethal are we talking about? Stabbed in the lung lethal? Decapitated lethal? Burned to ashes lethal? Because if it's either of the latter, I don't see much good luck for any vampire hunters, even without a magical surprise.

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A) Definitely a job for an NPC post, especially considering the timescales involved. Since that was already being planned, however, it works out.

B) Not that much. They're not especially vulnerable to holy water and/or weaponry, because they aren't classical servants of darkness. Likewise with garlic; it's a nuisance, but it's not going to stop a truly determined Anaszti. No requirement to sleep in coffins, or on homeland dirt. No danger from sunlight, though like garlic it assaults their preternatural senses, so most avoid it.

The main issue is that, while you can make some changes, the core concept of the vampire can't really be changed without becoming something else entirely. I ran into this problem while brainstorming for submission ideas. Any changes made have to be either in backstory (not children of Lilith, something else instead), in culture (no VtM clans), or in basic abilities. That last is restricted, because they have to be bloodsucking creatures (that's the point of a vampire), and they have to be able to survive despite thoroughly pissing off the general populace who know about their existence. Go to Comment

Update: Taking Echo's feedback in mind, a few changes were made to the powers and weaknesses section. Go to Comment

I could probably be snarky about the originality comment, since it doesn't seem to make much sense, but there doesn't seem to be much point. Your feedback was honest and, while I disagree with bits of it, I accept that one might think the Anaszti were a bit too dangerous and without some weaknesses. I've modified the submission accordingly.

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Re: Powers -- I can see that. I had wanted to make clear the definite differences from the classic vampire, but perhaps I went overboard.

As for regeneration, I'm thinking massive flesh wounds. The latter two are definitely out, but a sword through the gut isn't going to kill them. Incineration is always a valid method for killing bloodsucking monsters, imo. Go to Comment

 I agree with DD on this one.  They are in a similar vein to the ideas of non-undead zombies which are all the rage as well.

I like this treatment of the vampire and could see using them nearly as-is in a campaign.

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I think that instead of seeing this as a new take on vampires, I would prefer to consider it an alternative origin story. I'm a fan of the blood pyramid scheme, which ties in with a lot of modern tales of the intrinsic bond between spawn and creator. The actual concept could be used for other things too, like a vicious, soul-rending spell, for which one must sacrifice his humanity, and every spell used feeds one's own creator or mentor. It would also explain why older vampires feed less and less as they age. I doubt I would be using the vampire origin as such (I'm not a big fan of vampires) but the power pyramid is something that could work really well with a cabal of evil mages. Go to Comment

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A useful thing, simlerler to my idea of glowing mori rock but much more fragile.

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It just didn't make sense for engineers to be building amazing devices of technological wonder and still be working by candlelight. Does not compute. Go to Comment

A nifty item. A great piece of steampunk gear, though the difficulty of recharging it might make it less used then it should be.

I'd put an exposed friction wheel that could then use any local spinning wheel to 'charge' it.

One would have to be careful about overcharging it, either by charging it too long, or by using a wheel spinning too fast.
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Solid item that adds flavour to a world.

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Steampunk flashlight.  Good for flavor, and provides a good occasional distraction (as the engineer has to pause to rewind his cogtorch).

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A great baliff's tool.

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I like the basic concept of this item, though a hammer that's good at breaking things is not the most original concept I've seen around these parts.

That said, though I really like the rest of the sub. I like the appearance, though I think that the weight may be a bit on the light side (I think that enough granite to not make a pole that long look silly would probably outweigh that, but I'm no expert on stone). I think that the lore is good for giving the weapon a suitably fearsome reputation, and I like that the weapon is portrayed as irresistible, rather than, say, +5 against gates. Also, given a Berlin Wall situation, I think you could find such an item suitable for creation as well as destruction.

I will say, though, that I think the twist could use a mite bit more elaboration. Does it work for the wielder? The owner? Everybody in the immediate vicinity? And does it make them more charismatic? Help the see the weak points in other's arguments? Smash down prejudices in people's minds? Go to Comment

You are correct about the weight. For the first time in a long while, I didn't run the napkin math to get an approximate number. For what I'm thinking, the head alone should weigh right about double what I listed it as (~0.79 m long, ~0.39 m wide and tall, lower end of granite density comes to just under 47 kilos). I'll have to modify that.

I try to avoid giving out stats, instead focusing on what the players would hear from the GM when describing it to them. Then the GM can give it the appropriate stats for whatever system they're using. Besides, it's so much cooler to hear about Gateshatter "rending unbreakable defenses asunder" than it is to hear "+7 hammer".

As for the twist, I had been thinking that it works purely for the wielder; for the rest, I left it intentionally vague so that potential GMs could use it as they saw fit. Go to Comment

I was kinda imagining the weilder just setting down on the obstructive bureaucrat's desk and having it creak under the weight.  Anyway, great sub.

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fun idea, well described item, nice format excellent execution.  If it were me I'd change the teaser to read only: I SHALL PASS, funny line that one. 

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