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The Shardis Gaols
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axlerowes's comment on 2012-12-22 09:43 PM
Does this sub currently contain irrelevant details? Perhaps we should take a different tact and shorten this up.  


Paragraph one and two provide us with the authors view of prison and punishment without discussing law. Being that the prison is not going to be a major part of the story do we need this brief and unconcluded pontification of institutional punishment as a function of a complex society.  Do we need this to understand the gaols, is the teaser text not enough?  

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The Shardis Gaols
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valadaar's comment on 2014-04-11 08:05 AM
I agree with Axle on this one - the first paragraph of any work is supposed to help keep people to read the entire article. I would say its the weakest part of the sub - its the meat of the sub that is good. It was a good paragraph to write while you drafted it - a scaffold for your ideas, but it should have been torn down to reveal the good stuff below.

Perhaps a bit of the context of the prison would be better, for those who have not checked out the linked submissions. Go to Comment
The Shardis Gaols
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Kassy's comment on 2012-04-10 07:48 AM


Very easy to adapt. Simply put I love it!


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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Siren no Orakio's comment on 2012-03-25 09:33 PM


Well, it's a suitably awful place to be a Hell, but how would you wind up here? What's it's place in the greater cosmos?


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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Scrasamax's comment on 2012-07-13 11:05 AM
In a Hell of Darkness, how would you perceive it? Go to Comment
The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Cheka Man's comment on 2012-03-20 09:35 PM


Dark Spiders



Appearing as dog sized black widow spiders, they build black webs as stong as steel to trap the unwary, biting them with a paralysing bite, wrapping them up and sucking them dry.


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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Cheka Man's comment on 2012-03-20 09:46 PM


A dark dreary devilish place to be.


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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-28 08:26 PM


Ok, so here we have this eternal black hell. Interesting. There is no light here and anyone trapped here that has no way of seeing in this blackness is pretty much screwed. Cool. I echo Siren in asking how does one stumble to this Hell or be sent here? Seems like a foolish place to willingly go for sure. A trek to find an item hidden within the realm to stop the ensuing darkness perhaps? Into the Lion's Den for sure.



It is a grand and horrible place brought to life by its unique ecosystem, each one seeming to have a real mind of their own yet to echo Pariah I do not understand the ability to be immune to light if they are blind. No immune persay but not as weak to it as others when "the touch of light is anathema to the natives of this hell, searing flesh and burning away the darkness that comprises their very essence." 



Regardless this is a nifty place and it speaks of dark and ill nightmares should it leak out into the real world. A wonderful forboding place to have a campaign.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Mourngrymn's comment on 2012-03-30 07:12 AM
Possibly throw in an NPC or two to explain that. A demon, dark/demi god, a powerful once mortal sorcerer perhaps that was banished here as punishment and how the Hell affects them or how they affect the realm. Perhaps there is a dark, undead, and powerful mortal sorcerer that has built a bastion of relative safety for himself and is strong enough to fight off the onslaught of the darkness with a darklight. He resides and bides his time gathering minions for the fateful day he will break free. Not part of the ensuing darkness but entwined in it. Perhaps he knows how to stave off the shadows in the real world and that is why he was sent here to die eternally, he is just stronger than that. A bad evil guy for sure, but a possible player ally if grudgingly. Go to Comment
The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Chaosmark's comment on 2012-03-18 02:09 AM


Ink Lizards

 

Dog-sized creatures with thick, scaly skin, long claws and double-rows of razor teeth. They charge to bring down their prey, biting through calf or thigh with their terrifyingly strong jaws, though occasionally they'll hammer a large creature with their long tail to knock them over. Once their victims are downed, the creatures claw and bite without mercy, tearing out large chunks of sweet, delicious flesh to devour. Their bite is poisonous, quickly leading to paralysis and sepsis, presuming the prey lives that long.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Chaosmark's comment on 2012-03-18 01:36 AM


The Ebony Octopus

 

It creeps from shadow to shadow, finding entry through the smallest of openings. Shadowy tendrils snake from around corners and beneath grates, grabbing ankles and dragging victims screaming into the darkness. What happens next is best left unsaid.



Notably, these tendrils seem immune to the normal corrosive effect of light upon the denizens of the Primal Shadows, retaining their form and power despite direct illumination. This makes them a huge threat against the unwary, who naturally assume that being in the light protects them from the dangers lurking in the lightless reaches. Only the core body itself is vulnerable to radiance, though trapping it long enough to fully destroy it is quite difficult; much like it's waterborn compatriot, the Ebony Octopus is hard to pin down.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Chaosmark's comment on 2012-03-18 12:57 AM

Shadowbeasts


Fell creatures near the top of the food chain, shadowbeasts are a hairsbreadth away from being shadow incarnate. Their form is extremely fluid, shifting and changing as actual shadows do, becoming larger or smaller as needed. If seen with dim light (full daylight would annihilate it), it will appear as an amorphous mass of shadows, clinging to and creeping along the ground.


Cunning predators, they prefer to ambush their prey and drag it off into the darkness, enshrouding it with their caustic shadows before tearing it apart to release the essence of life within.


Like all creatures of this plane, light is a potent weapon against a shadowbeast. Enough light will kill it, as will sufficient application of magical damage. Physical weaponry, however, is next to useless in fending one off. Torchbearers should be cautious, however, for a shadowbeast will make it's first priority the removal of light and any who carry it.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Chaosmark's comment on 2012-03-18 01:25 AM


The Onyx Serpent

 

A great creature of black, stony skin, whose slithering across the ground sounds like the grinding of mill stones. It has piercing eyes of gold and teeth that glow with a ghostly pale light, with a hiss that sounds like crumbling mountainsides. It's size belies it's speed, however, and this snake eshews venom, preferring instead to crush and swallow prey whole.



The hide is an organic obsidian composite harder than any known rock, easily capable of deflecting both blade and spell. Of the various fauna that exist in the Hell of Primal Shadows, this is the one that all others fear. You do not confront it, you sidestep it and pray it finds something tastier to go after.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Chaosmark's comment on 2012-03-29 10:49 PM
One winds up here the same way they end up in any hell: They kick the bucket and are sentenced to eternal doom, or someone opens a portal and they walk/fly/are thrown through..

It's place in the greater cosmos is as a repository for damned souls. My concept of the geographic region of hyper-reality generally referred to as "the Hells" is that it also functions as a prison for the demons and dark gods that seem to inevitably reside therein. Which also explains nicely their constant desire to escape and wreck havoc on the mortal plane. Go to Comment
The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Chaosmark's comment on 2012-07-12 08:44 PM
For those wanting a bit more combat information, click here. Go to Comment
The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Chaosmark's comment on 2012-12-15 04:56 PM

Aphotic Worms

Every ecosystem has its parasites; the Hell of Primal Shadows is no different.

Living, writhing shadows, Aphotic Worms clump together and swarm unsuspecting creatures, wriggling and sliding their way into any orifice they can. Once they've infested their target, they take full control over its actions, using their new host to hunt and kill prey. Non-sentient, the worms will flee a host when it has been rendered unconscious, immobile, or dead.

Their danger lies in numbers and hosts. The worms themselves are easily killed with the smallest of lights.

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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Chaosmark's comment on 2013-09-21 10:12 PM
An excellent point. Some visual description was needed, because PCs will presumably have light and thus they'll see bits and pieces of these demons. However, since darkness is intricately bound to how these should be presented, perhaps the addition of a "lightless" description for each would be in order. Go to Comment
The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Pariah's comment on 2012-03-22 01:50 PM


Alright, other than a certain non-standard contraction that distracted me for a bit, I like this.  The imagery is suitably dark and grotesque, though I do have a problem with one of the monsters; namely, the creatures are composed of shadow, yes?  Or at least that's what I got out of the intro, but the Wild Ones can survive the light because they're blind?  How does whether a creature made of shadow can see or not affect how well it can stand the light?  Now, the grasping arms of the octoshadow didn't really bother me, because I kinda figured they were being held together by the cephelapodian will of the beast, but the Wild Ones are just that, wild, untamed, without any real /will/ other than the will to eat...  



But that's just me, anyway, great sub :D


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The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Murometz's comment on 2013-09-21 10:15 PM
"...since darkness is intricately bound to how these should be presented, perhaps the addition of a "lightless" description for each would be in order."

that would be a lotta work, if you don't want them all sounding the same, but I love it the thought!! Go to Comment
The Hell of Primal Shadows
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Kassy's comment on 2012-04-13 03:15 AM


Horrifying.



One would never want to wind up there.



4/5


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