Before Aher's eyes there is blood, endless blood, a limitless sea of blood which rises from the gap in the mountains in a crimson tidal wave, containing the massed bodies of all the dead he has ever seen and killed, a storm of dead flesh, rising over him. And atop it, on a raft made from broken lances lashed together, there is Death, a dessicated monk in a robe made of living moths, who smiles at Aher.

Freaking Awesome! Go to Comment

I thought he was going to be a werewolf at first. Go to Comment

You did a very good job at describing him in the beginning, short but very effective! The flow and writing in this NPC submission is very nice. There are no unnatural sentences and they are all connected in a nice way.

I like his history, full of vivid images of the horrible acts of a young mercenary. The dream with Death is nice also, it reminds me of The Shining. Also a nice touch with the night closing around him.

I would like to see some more though, a few options of how to use him. A few plot hooks maybe. He would have vast knowlegde of history and much knowlegde about fighting and war. These are things the PC's could be interested in. Getting him to learn them anything aout war seems like a hard task though. Does he not have a single relative, family or friend left from before he became a mercinary? Any of those could help him find meaning again? Maybe something the PC's could help with, try to track down his nephew/friend/sister to remind him that there are good things in life still.

Anyways I like him, I like the style of writing, he can easily be modified to fit any fantasy setting and I like the name.

-Mike Go to Comment

You forgot to vote ;) Go to Comment

HoH and a shameless BUMP!

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A fantastic NPC. Well-written and all that, obviously, but more so, he feels very "real". I can only repeat what others have said. The description and his reccuring nightmare takes him over the top. I'm stealing him lock, stock, and smoking barrel! Beautifully rendered.

I'm checking the box next to "Dont need any help in knowing exactly how to use him"

(first 5 in a while for me) Go to Comment

Excellent CP! I like the way it is written and is quite usable! Go to Comment

I too initially thought it could do with some, how to use, ideas. But then I realised what would be required of someone to gather all this information, the histories collected and written. All though he seems like he is on his own and interacts little nowadays he must of at some stage known all sorts of people. Like any historian in order to uncover the facts one must dig into peoples thoughts, travel vast distances, collect scrolls and stories.

So for our PC's, here we have a great wealth of information but his mental state keeps us from finding things out. Like a magical lock on a treasure chest, that in its self is a hook, save Aher, find the treasure. Go to Comment

With a little rewriting to blend him into my campaign history, he will work very well. I like him.

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You have still the gift, I was suitably disgusted.

Improving Xaggarng is a tough one... since that room is called Trick or Setback, maybe he could persuade the heroes to take the wrong path to treasure; or push them out by surprise, and barricade a door or something... could be better, but at least it's unusual for a mummy. *shrugs*

Good work, anyway. Go to Comment

Updated: Note to all the kids: This should probably be in the Dungeon category... WOOPS Go to Comment

Well, the weak point is the encounter with Xaggarng, I feel. I just couldn't come up with something more clever for that. *sigh* Go to Comment

How about this- the hall doors seal off with iron portals. Arrow slits drop open between the hall and a hidden chamber, originally made so that attackers could be trapped and filled with arrows. Of course, there are no longer any guards to pincushion the heroes, but there are swarms of yellow-banded scorpions preventing them from crawling through the arrow slits to release the iron seals. Go to Comment

Ewwwww, a very ewwww quest but certainly well constructed. Go to Comment

*This should really be in the dungeon section(could an admin move it there, or would that be abusing CP?)

Otherwise I think this is a terrific dungeon. The giant and the two hounds are portrayed almost as mythic figures and they fire off nice visuals in my opinion. This is a plug&play adventure of high quality, and can be used in a one night session, or expanded upon to fit many sessions. I have read this many times and also have it in my favorite listings, it is about time I commented as well. CPs "Altar of Rgu" dungeons is very much like this in format, descriptions and layout, but they are at the same time very different and enjoyable.

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Man, this is a macbre work of art indeed.

Quite well done! W Go to Comment

Good one CP. Very vile, but it has a nice pace, even if rather combat oriented. the reward is cool though, and would be smashing for the PCs. (I know my characters would looove their own keep) Go to Comment

This is very well written, very dark and gruesome, and seems to me to be a prime example of the 5 Room Dungeon. The only departure from the formula appears to be room 3, which is focused solely on combat and doesn't seem to be much of a setback. Perhaps if Xaggarng released some spores during the battle that weakened any characters unable to resist, making it more difficult to face the final battle, it would fit the mold.

The language is excellent and successfully paints a picture of ghastly horror. I mean, how much cooler can you get than fighting a monster that uses its own intestines for extra attacks?

And the prize at the end seems like such an opportunity to further abuse the heroes by giving them land already inhabited by some other horror.

This is the first CaptainPenguin sub I've read, and now I think I'll go find more.

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I've seen this post a few times, and the name Yughort haunted me every time. Now, that I have actually read it, it sounds better. :)

Otherwise, a decent historical piece, and burial customs are always welcome. Go to Comment

I'm just sort of trying to get back into the swing of things, so I just banged this out to get myself back on track. Go to Comment