Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Strolen's comment on 2008-04-20 01:45 PM
Lacking in the detail and too much of the general. This creature could be awesome but with all the powers and wings and tail there is really no mention of it as he is growing up. I imagine he can fly which would be something else. Saving a cat from a tree, something heroic where his mutation saved the day would help him be accepted.

OK background for a PC in a game, you don't need much for that, but we thrive on the motivations and such here and that is missing. Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
MoonHunter's comment on 2005-06-08 09:42 AM
Just because a person is odd, does not make them dramatic or interesting. Though,it can help. This is a better character for a story rather than a game, because it needs to be center stage and the only odd thing to be really interesting and provide dramatic elements. Even to make a story with him work, you would have to turn up the personality elements.

What motivates him, really? Why is he just more than a guy with an odd background? What makes him special or at least more interesting than any other guy/ gal with an odd background?

The character has some initial interest. The background is a little flat, but that can be overcome. The question is, what do we do with it? How would one incorporate this into a game? Why would one want to put it into their game? Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Scrasamax's comment on 2005-06-08 04:33 PM
Definately shows some promise, filling in the gaps of the missing father could really round out the story. I am curious to know how he has a dragon father when the only dragon 'known' was the blue with the ogres.

2/5 Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
EchoMirage's comment on 2005-06-08 07:56 AM
A super-powered orphan. Hooray. Can't contain my excitement. His personality need fleshing out. Likewise, most people have
a) motivations
b) some internal conflict
c) people they care about and social contacts

A common mistake is to assume that a weird heritage is sufficient to make a character stand out - perhaps at a first glance, but he needs to stand out as a person likewise.

Give him a less dry background, play around with the idea to produce something unique.

Another note: the last paragraph is but an alibi so that noone can say that he's munchkin. Well: why exactly does magic hurt him? Does it hurt him more than somebody else? Why? What was the part with the setting sun supposed to mean? Was he blinded by it? Is he more light sensitive than a human?

Also: think of reasons - why did his father bed an elven femme; were no dragon ladies available, or ... was he too ugly, or too timid to court one? Did he have an elf fetish? Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Cheka Man's comment on 2005-06-08 10:56 AM
Another refugee from Munchkinland. 1/5 Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Sentinel's comment on 2005-06-08 06:31 AM
I agree. The part of the father is a big gap in the back ground and editing with the grammer would work as well.

2/5 Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Beowulf's comment on 2005-06-11 04:37 PM
Thank you all for your advice I shall redo the background to your likings. Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Solagan's comment on 2005-06-08 12:01 AM
Not a bad idea, but not too much is original here. He seems like yet another orphan who is misunderstood and rises against the odds to be a hero.
Also, what happened to his father? Is there potential plot hooks involving him?

Overall 2/5, could use editting and something to make it more unique. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Maggot's comment on 2004-12-03 10:36 PM
Your best character yet,Beowulf!An epic villain of this nature will certainly makhe things very interesting. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Maggot's comment on 2004-12-04 01:53 AM
Keep up the good work.I look forward to more Caladin-Talahar joint projects. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Scrasamax's comment on 2004-12-04 07:57 AM
Agreed, well done sir Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Beowulf's comment on 2004-12-03 11:16 PM
I know but I can't take all the glory Sentinel helped me make him and yet Sentinel is also making an exiled prince. But I do thank you fo your extravaggent comment. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Beowulf's comment on 2004-12-04 10:24 AM
Thank you Scrasamax thenk you also. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Dozus's comment on 2012-01-25 09:27 AM


I like this take on the "awakening ancient powers" plot.


Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2014-08-06 02:06 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Lord Ressalekh Faalithet
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Barbarian Horde's comment on 2004-11-27 10:03 AM
3/5 is ok, not very good Go to Comment
Lord Ressalekh Faalithet
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
MoonHunter's comment on 2005-11-11 06:14 PM
Proof that length does not support score. This has some really nice points to it. I think it is very redeemable.

**Also**
I just edited the format to make it more readable. You need to put extra line returns between paragraphys on the net, as the indents are seldom enough. Go to Comment
Lord Ressalekh Faalithet
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Sentinel's comment on 2004-11-26 03:16 PM
Very good

3/5 Go to Comment
Lord Ressalekh Faalithet
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Beowulf's comment on 2004-11-27 02:08 PM
Thank you both. Go to Comment
Talahar
Locations  (Any)   (Regional)
MoonHunter's comment on 2004-11-13 01:18 PM
Rather than being a setting, this is an entire campaign background. It would be best as an entry in the setting forge.

(Goto the Forum, down to the Setting Forge, and cut and past this entry there. Then delete this posting.) Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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       By: Almar

While setting up camp for the night, the PC's are aproached by another group of adventurers who seem nice enough. The road is somewhat dangerous and the other group suggests camping together. The two bands split watches, one adventurer from each group watching at once. The night goes by without incident, the next day the PC's travel with the other group as they are going the same way.

The group consists of Hordel the ranger, who is skilled with the bow. Hordel is a quiet man who speaks little but appears quite skilled. Dremar is a barbarian who is a little excentric, he seems to be an excasive drinker and thiunk that battle is the solution to everything. He appears to be a stout and powerful fighter with his greataxe. Ferrin is the leader of the group, a rouge by trade. He is daft and witty, speaking with the PCs often and asking many questions. He fights with finesse with his rapier. Preminitat as a cleric but he will not say which god he worships. He uses his spells to empower and heal his party and fights with a club. He sticks close to Ferrin. Ferrin is a great talker and tells much of himself and his party, but asks even more about the history and capabilities of the PCs. He tells of some adventures his party has had, and they seem like an interesting group of mercenaries. Hordel is quite and has little interest in speaking with the PCs, he ignores most questions. He spends a lot of time with Dremar and sometimes Ferrin. Dremar seems to not care about any questions ansked to him, nor does he seem to know the answers. He seems battle hardened and is a simple man. Preminitat rarely starts conversations but will speak with the PCs. However, some of his accounts of the party's history seem to condradict those of Ferrin.

The Party spends another night and day with Ferrin's group. One of four things can happen on the third night.
1: While eating dinner around the fire, Ferrin gets into an argument with one of the PCs when he/she mentions the discepincies between Ferrin's stories and Preminitat's.
2: Hordel gets mad after repeated questioning about his life from the PCs.
3. Preminitat gets mad after repeated questioning from the PCs about what god he worships.
4: One of the PCs rejects the offer of a drink from Dremar and he takes it as an insult.
All of these scenarios result in a battle between the parties. If Ferrin's party is defeated and still lives he swears vengance. His party may then cross paths with the adventurers again.

Encounter  ( Locations ) | November 15, 2003 | View | UpVote 0xp