Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Strolen's comment on 2008-04-20 12:45 PM
Lacking in the detail and too much of the general. This creature could be awesome but with all the powers and wings and tail there is really no mention of it as he is growing up. I imagine he can fly which would be something else. Saving a cat from a tree, something heroic where his mutation saved the day would help him be accepted.

OK background for a PC in a game, you don't need much for that, but we thrive on the motivations and such here and that is missing. Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
MoonHunter's comment on 2005-06-08 08:42 AM
Just because a person is odd, does not make them dramatic or interesting. Though,it can help. This is a better character for a story rather than a game, because it needs to be center stage and the only odd thing to be really interesting and provide dramatic elements. Even to make a story with him work, you would have to turn up the personality elements.

What motivates him, really? Why is he just more than a guy with an odd background? What makes him special or at least more interesting than any other guy/ gal with an odd background?

The character has some initial interest. The background is a little flat, but that can be overcome. The question is, what do we do with it? How would one incorporate this into a game? Why would one want to put it into their game? Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Scrasamax's comment on 2005-06-08 03:33 PM
Definately shows some promise, filling in the gaps of the missing father could really round out the story. I am curious to know how he has a dragon father when the only dragon 'known' was the blue with the ogres.

2/5 Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
EchoMirage's comment on 2005-06-08 06:56 AM
A super-powered orphan. Hooray. Can't contain my excitement. His personality need fleshing out. Likewise, most people have
a) motivations
b) some internal conflict
c) people they care about and social contacts

A common mistake is to assume that a weird heritage is sufficient to make a character stand out - perhaps at a first glance, but he needs to stand out as a person likewise.

Give him a less dry background, play around with the idea to produce something unique.

Another note: the last paragraph is but an alibi so that noone can say that he's munchkin. Well: why exactly does magic hurt him? Does it hurt him more than somebody else? Why? What was the part with the setting sun supposed to mean? Was he blinded by it? Is he more light sensitive than a human?

Also: think of reasons - why did his father bed an elven femme; were no dragon ladies available, or ... was he too ugly, or too timid to court one? Did he have an elf fetish? Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Cheka Man's comment on 2005-06-08 09:56 AM
Another refugee from Munchkinland. 1/5 Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Sentinel's comment on 2005-06-08 05:31 AM
I agree. The part of the father is a big gap in the back ground and editing with the grammer would work as well.

2/5 Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Beowulf's comment on 2005-06-11 03:37 PM
Thank you all for your advice I shall redo the background to your likings. Go to Comment
Demitri Elexial
NPCs  (Minor)   (Combative)
Solagan's comment on 2005-06-07 11:01 PM
Not a bad idea, but not too much is original here. He seems like yet another orphan who is misunderstood and rises against the odds to be a hero.
Also, what happened to his father? Is there potential plot hooks involving him?

Overall 2/5, could use editting and something to make it more unique. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Maggot's comment on 2004-12-03 09:36 PM
Your best character yet,Beowulf!An epic villain of this nature will certainly makhe things very interesting. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Maggot's comment on 2004-12-04 12:53 AM
Keep up the good work.I look forward to more Caladin-Talahar joint projects. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Scrasamax's comment on 2004-12-04 06:57 AM
Agreed, well done sir Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Beowulf's comment on 2004-12-03 10:16 PM
I know but I can't take all the glory Sentinel helped me make him and yet Sentinel is also making an exiled prince. But I do thank you fo your extravaggent comment. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Beowulf's comment on 2004-12-04 09:24 AM
Thank you Scrasamax thenk you also. Go to Comment
Jermayan
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Dozus's comment on 2012-01-25 08:27 AM


I like this take on the "awakening ancient powers" plot.


Go to Comment
Lord Ressalekh Faalithet
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Barbarian Horde's comment on 2004-11-27 09:03 AM
3/5 is ok, not very good Go to Comment
Lord Ressalekh Faalithet
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
MoonHunter's comment on 2005-11-11 05:14 PM
Proof that length does not support score. This has some really nice points to it. I think it is very redeemable.

**Also**
I just edited the format to make it more readable. You need to put extra line returns between paragraphys on the net, as the indents are seldom enough. Go to Comment
Lord Ressalekh Faalithet
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Sentinel's comment on 2004-11-26 02:16 PM
Very good

3/5 Go to Comment
Lord Ressalekh Faalithet
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
Beowulf's comment on 2004-11-27 01:08 PM
Thank you both. Go to Comment
Talahar
Locations  (Any)   (Regional)
MoonHunter's comment on 2004-11-13 12:18 PM
Rather than being a setting, this is an entire campaign background. It would be best as an entry in the setting forge.

(Goto the Forum, down to the Setting Forge, and cut and past this entry there. Then delete this posting.) Go to Comment
Talahar
Locations  (Any)   (Regional)
Sentinel's comment on 2004-11-13 05:42 PM
I agree with Moonhunter on this, Beowulf. You could do alot with this setting and let is expand in the seeting forge, but other then that so good. Go to Comment
Total Comments:
36

Join Now!!




Fatal error: Call to undefined function top_menu() in /home/strolen/public_html/lockmor/application/views/citadel/vfooter.php on line 2