It is a bit hard to read. I had several objections, which vanished at the second reading. Not bad at all I must say.
One thing that seems a bit untrustworthy is Gru'ull. After betraying his own folk he becomes a loyal friend to people he doesn't really know? At the very least, make him abused by his brethren... or give him some darker/nonobvious motive for what he does. (Maybe he is actually a seer, too... and wants to influence the whole plot in some unexpected way.) Go to Comment
1. The others captured in the raids are already dead. Apparently, the orcs are searching for someone with a particular mark. This isn't the first batch kidnapped on orc raids either.
Put the 'reason' why the raiders are searching for this mark after his sentence. I know that they're hired by Borus to do a job, but he'd porbably tell them some reason why he wants the guy alive. Orcs are generally not very nice, or at least the ones I've met.
2. About a third of the way down the post you used the 'square' parentheses , don't. The site reads that as an insite link and/or search. It means it gets underlined and will open a new window seaching for that phrase. Use regular parentheses. You also did this another couple of times toward the end.
3. the rodents living there have told him it goes all the way through and that nothing lives there.
Consistancy error. The rats live there, then nothing lives there. If rats are 'living' there then there has to be something else in that cave, be it insects or mold. Maybe you mean nothing intelligent, or particularly hostile to the PCs? Go to Comment
1. My conception was that the orcs were hired and simply told it was very important he was captured alive. I doubt Borus would want them to know more.
2. Corrected.
3. Changed to 'nothing lives there but the rodents and their prey'. Of course, that doesn't account for the undead. ;)
Will do a rewrite before posting it as finished article. The language is very 'notesy' as I simply jotted it down as it came to me. Should make it more digestible. Go to Comment
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Plots (Discovery) (Multi-Storyline)
One thing that seems a bit untrustworthy is Gru'ull. After betraying his own folk he becomes a loyal friend to people he doesn't really know? At the very least, make him abused by his brethren... or give him some darker/nonobvious motive for what he does. (Maybe he is actually a seer, too... and wants to influence the whole plot in some unexpected way.) Go to Comment