This is neat, It could be used for almost any setting. It is a good write up with clear details and strong feeling of verisimilitude. But that it doesn't really world build for the setting except that it gives anti-establishment vocabulary for setting in which the conflict between the classes seems to be a more theme. Go to Comment
It is nice piece of culture here. I think what you are saying is that this a music style embraced by the children of the well to do, and that the fashion and style of music started as a very contrived medium. This culture has gone mainstream, and the clubs represent a hip place to meet. This sort of details is nice if you want a quick reference grab-and-gone counter culture club in your story. You have got some slang, some fashion and a style of music. But what are you trying to say with phrase such as the is culture "has LED to experimental homosexuality, drug use and stuff? Are you suggesting that is a widely held of view of this by the culture, like how people blamed Marlyn Manson for school shootings or you suggesting that something about this actually leads people to these behaviors? If you were about this culture from a in world perspective what would people say about it?
What kind of hats were you imaging?
I do like this idea, but I wish you could count to 100 or at least try to count to 100. If you want to write super short subs that is fine, but it is just weird that you would tie 100 word sub to subs that are over 100 words. Sheldon would not be pleased. Go to Comment
My basic concept here was:mixing Hippies(group sex and drugs) beatniks (experimental homosexuality and gear) and Rock and roll. Removed 100 word thing to please Sheldon(all praise Sheldon).led is poor choice of words.will change. Go to Comment
I tweaked per your suggestions. These latest couple of additions to Mystic's setting were very short of purpose. while I could easily expand them, I was looking at the practicalities of word count in a source book or the main rules. Adding cool flesh that for the most part should be just side notes to a setting. The other piece I am currently working on is for what I hope to be one of the major baddies, and am putting a lot more into that. Go to Comment
I felt I needed to put the full description of the way I was using the whales to make my other subs a little more understandable at this time, totally agree that this is only 3.5 at this time, but this is going to be my primary codex page for the Stolen(Strolen) World. Go to Comment
This is probably not going to win any points, but I think you spent too much time on the backstory. If you made it more concise, you would have room to give more detail on what Rye can actually do as an undead, and why he is special enough to rise six times instead of just the once that most undead get. Still a good submission, and entertaining read. Go to Comment