A very novel and interesting take on how to memorize spells. Could we get more than one entry per school? How about descriptions of the book's illustrations? Perhaps it would also be better to divide the sub by the various sections on schools rather than pages. Go to Comment
It definitely fits the old school aesthetic, which is all I'm grading this on because I'm absolutely horrible at grading NPCs, the main reason I don't normally vote on them. Ignoring minor formatting issues, it's a solid submission. Go to Comment
I like it, the prose starts out witty and cheeky, but it seems like you run out steam towards the end and just start listing things. Overall nice sub, that describes its subject as much by tone as by the facts listed. This was a fun read. Go to Comment
A good Old School villain with lots of possibilities. She seems a little too powerful, but given its vintage (1981), it works. It certainly has far more depth than anything I would have put together at the same age. I had not started gaming yet in 1981, much less worldbuilding.
There is a lot of detail packed into this one - hints and hooks into your campaign.
I'd like to see more of this!
This certainly would feel at home in a module form the 80's, and captures the same slightly dry yet compelling and informative style that was the norm in those old school modules
A few more plot hooks and perhaps a role playing pointers bit might finish rounding her out, but as she stands she's a classic old school NPC that can figure prominently as either a patron of main antagonist of a campaign, nicely done!
No offence taken, My subs have been sloppy and I was prob too concerned with grammar and spelling ,that the format suffered. I was trying to go old school and now at the same time..I am pleased that you found the sub solid for content (but that's never been a problem for me) Unfortunately your criticisms are valid. Go to Comment
Really happy with comments, guys! I was a little worried about this one as I thought it might be TOO old school, but she has a soft spot in my heart and I miss her! She has always felt ALIVE to me and it's nice that she is still appreciated! Go to Comment
The content of this sub is solid, the character and her surroundings have been fleshed out properly. But I find this sub a bit hard to read as it seems quite ‘jumbled’ in terms of how content flows from one aspect of this Queen from the next. Besides the HOOK section, there’s no headings and this sub would probably read better with more of them.
One final point is that I’m not sure whether you’ve already tidied up this sub or just expanded a character sheet into words (at one point I thought you had done the later from your first comment but now I’m not sure, anyway, I hope you do not find it offensive for I mean none). I think that might be why no one had ventured to comment but then it could be just inopportune timing that you’ve posted this sub in. Also, the fact that you wrote 3 comments yourself could be why as well. On the Citadel, getting 3 comments is already very good catch. Go to Comment
Aramax gets to be the second test, by virtue of this sub being right below the first. :P
Art - This is a quest were trite and overdone are virtues, and on that this merits a full point. :)
Craft - The writing is solid, but the formatting could be a bit clearer, with sections for important aspects. Half Point.
Style - It's very true to the style in play, but it's also a tad tangled. Half Point.
Substance - If I was running an old school D&D game, this would be my Villain. Full Point.
Extra Mile - Goddammit, I HATE old school. But you kept me reading all the way to the end anyway. Full point.