Living in an area with feral parrots, the live up and down the peninsula here, and near a feral parrot nesting area, I can so understand people's responses to these things. Points up for a good animal that is part of the ecology and has a reason to exist, points down for making it the George of the Jungle bird. Bonus points for a first submission. We really do need more "every day" and "plug and play" items. This fits that bill nicely.
This is good, mostly. I like the idea of a creature that isn't inherently dangerous but that's just too annoying to let live. I really like the idea of tasteless rich people and senile wizards inflicting them on their hapless neighbors, necessitating a search-and-destroy mission -- that's comedy gold, right there.
The punctuation and formatting do need work.
The borrowed idea works well enough in comedy -- it might be even funnier that it's an annoying cartoon bird -- but in more serious subs it's better to disguise it. (On a side note, kudos for not posting the Aflac Duck, which would require the GM to be wearing full body armor during play.)
Speaking of body armor, the "man in plate mail" line clashes a bit with the Citadel's no-stats, system-neutral style (it's a noticeable reference to Armor Class). Worse, it implies that the bird is hard to hit because of some inherent toughness or thick hide, and not because it's small, fast, and nimble. Go to Comment
Not bad for a first sub, perhaps going into a little bit more detail as to the evolution and mating habits of the creature, as well as any possible use an entrepreneurial adventurer might have for a young creature or the eggs. (I would imagine if they could be tamed and trained to act immediately upon an intruders presence these birds would make splendid guard animals.) Go to Comment
I like the changes a lot, it fleshes out the creature nicely and makes it more useful. (Still a few spelling errors though but they're pretty minor. (Much better than it;s first draft hence my vote is being recast higher.) Go to Comment