Hey Anteaus. I know you are a gifted fellow. Don't be overly bothered by the criticism (other than that you take it to heart). It is correct, but such a character is something we have ALL made at one point in our GM careers. Try again.
Here's a tip for you, check out these characters:
A good one:
It doesn't have to be good because it is long:
http://www.strolen.com/npc/viewnpc.php?npc_id=258&offset=100&order=npc_date&dir=DESC&index=1 Go to Comment
Thank you all for the encouragement and the very helpful criticism, I would love it if you could continue to help me with this one, so my others will be better, so please keep it coming. Thanks Go to Comment
Interesting, though I am surprised that the uncle would have had the town destroyed without his true target being there. It seems like something that only makes sense to support the background, rather than something that makes sense.
Now, I have not seen the 'before' version and it is decent except for this one concern.
As the players travel along the trail, they notice a bear in the woods, following thier moves. It does not make any agressive moves, but neither does it leave. As daylight fades, the players need to decide what to do. Is it a spirit guide, or gaurdian to the forest; is it a lycanthrope, or being controlled by evil spirits; or is it just a curious bear?