Hey Anteaus. I know you are a gifted fellow. Don't be overly bothered by the criticism (other than that you take it to heart). It is correct, but such a character is something we have ALL made at one point in our GM careers. Try again.
Here's a tip for you, check out these characters:
A good one:
It doesn't have to be good because it is long:
http://www.strolen.com/npc/viewnpc.php?npc_id=258&offset=100&order=npc_date&dir=DESC&index=1 Go to Comment
Thank you all for the encouragement and the very helpful criticism, I would love it if you could continue to help me with this one, so my others will be better, so please keep it coming. Thanks Go to Comment
Interesting, though I am surprised that the uncle would have had the town destroyed without his true target being there. It seems like something that only makes sense to support the background, rather than something that makes sense.
Now, I have not seen the 'before' version and it is decent except for this one concern.
In a new town for the first time, the White Raccoon Lodge looks like a comfortable place to spend the night. The owner, however, makes sure to explain to you that there is a curfew after sundown and the door will be locked... from the outside. "We don't want anyone being caught out on the streets after dark," he says.
Now that you think of it, all the doors in this small town did have a crossbar on the outside rather than the inside... You wonder what goes on at night...