The name of the piece is distracting. Calling it Engine#4 does not make it any better than calling it one of the other names. I mean, has it continued to be called #4, rather than some other name?
I like the various logs and reports. That is an interesting choice for presentation.
The write ups on exactly what it looks like and what it does and its' issues, are not completely clear. The general statistics are not an issue. Some of the pieces are too brief and need more fleshing out. Go to Comment
Sounds like it could be an interesting sort of thing. I do like how it's perfect for killing magicians, but that it sounds like one accurate catapult or arbalest could give it real problems. A good balance. Go to Comment
Yeah, in my post, those are definately brackets around the parts that are "linked". If anyone knows how to get the brackets to actually appear in there instead of them being translated by the posting script, let me know. Go to Comment
I'm iffy on this, however the journal is what did it for me. Unfortunately the sections that turned into links didn't work (not sure if they were intended to) but I was hoping to see some thread of conversation about the origin of this submission. POssible conversations of ideas passed around, hence why it is illegible or lost to translation. Overall though a decent submission, I'm just not to keen on super monsterous fantasy based mechanical juggernaughts. But its really cool and the jounral I think is what did it for me... big thuimbs up. Go to Comment
The journal entries are outstanding. The idea is very good. Alex is always on top of his game. As a suggestion, I would edit the references to the D6 die to make it more generic to other game systems, but I don't suppose any intelligent GM would fail to adapt. Go to Comment
Indeed, an excellent submission. A good and enjoyable backstory and very logically coherent as to why it exists, why the Byrlothians can't just make more, etc. 5/5
As a further development, once the Dragon Mages realise what has happened and why, they might try experimenting and see if they can create their own (they should be capable of it given that it was a side effect of the Dragon Mage magic that caused it, even though it might be a very difficult process trying to figure out how to do it controllably). This would put even more pressure on the Byrlothians to bring the war to a rapid conclusion. Go to Comment
A pretty basic 2/5. It's a pretty regular "oh-no-talented-noble-son-lost-his-birthright" story. *shrugs*
How it could be improved-
He could be made more special. There must be some other reason that he's unique? Secret magic power? Maybe he is actually the king's son, but was raised secretly in the noble's home?
Not a bad effort, but aside from the ebony flute, there is not much different from the standard prodigal son. I do think it seems odd that Alastor's father gave him exactly what he wanted, release from royal duty but with the addition of being disowned from the family.
Perhaps if his father had offered to take the idea under consideration, he could later, in a public ceremony (So the disgrace born by Alastor would be greater) be officially disowned, and exiled from the family holdings. He would have to live in the shadow of his own percieved or otherwise failure, plus a great number of people would know. Disowning an heir-apparent would be an event of some signifigance. The current post makes the father seem on one hand benevolent and wise with the giving of the flute and the inscription, and then he becomes the impulsive tyrant, raising a blade against his own blood.
Now, if the father had waited a few days and then had held a faux-funeral, complete with musical accompanyment, emphasising perhaps flute players as a final gift for his son who was now dead to him, now that would be wicked.
I like the details you put in to the post and the ebony flute of course is the strength of this post. If you addressed some of the things mentioned by the previous two commentors I could see raising the grade, but for now it's a 3 to me :-) Go to Comment