I stumbled across this quite by accident while browsing the Npc section. While a useful bad example there is a certain amusement and poetry factor to the sub that is rather... Memorable
After a pause I thought of an actual application for the sub, as written, for my next fantasy game session. Seriously
Imagine the characters coming across an utterly devastated town, ruins and the remnants of bodies laying scattered about like an angry child might toss their toy soldiers in a fit of rage.
Shorty after searching the town for survivors they find a very young girl, maybe 3 or 4 standing amidst the wreckage still clutching her mothers severed hand and staring at the adventurers in shock.
When asked what happened she recounts the sub pretty much as written. How this little one knows even a fraction of the history of the demon is the twenty thousand dollar question. (perhaps overheard by her demon worshipping parents? Or on the lips of a drunken bard who knew not what horrors he was about to call forth?)
Dealing with the creature as it continues its rampage of destruction would be the rest of the plot line. (As well having fun messing with the suspicious players who will likely entertain the notion the little girl is either the demon in disguise, or possessed by it somehow.)
A 1.5 and HOH, not because it's of outstanding quality, (obviously) but as a reminder to myself and others then even the worst example can be used to great effect by a creative GM with a little effort to create an interesting session that would never have otherwise occurred to them.
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Wow! You know, guys, if you had been half as harsh on my first sub, I'd never have been back.
I agree that it was abysmally bad, but a lot of the comments were taunting or mockeries, rather than any kind of effort to encourage or mentor him. We all have to start somewhere, and I don't know of any writer who, when talking about his first efforts, doesn't say something to the effect of 'reading it now made me squirm with embarrassment'. At least he is putting something of himself on the line, which most people wouldn't dream of doing; he deserves something more than a put-down for that.
I firmly agree with Wulfhere and dark_dragon and the later posters. Agony - keep at it. Your later subs were significantly better, keep writing and improving.