We are not making fun of you, we are making fun in your thread. You are just one among very, very, very, very many posters who posted just about this character. Had you been alone in this, we would have been far more precise, have no fear. But for now, check out these:
... I was going to link to a zillion four line demon characters, but they have all been erased.

HEY! People! We cannot joke like this if there are no previous screw ups for people to learn from! It is completely unfair!

Anyhow:
Everyone does demons, drow and assassins you know (Though the drow has been absent lately... Too long since the last videogame featuring "Evil Drow(tm)" I guess). We have had a zillion big, bad demons posted in here. We are not trying to be bastards, we are just tired of 1337 demons :) Go to Comment

I got an enourmpus right here! Go to Comment

I am cruel. I admit it. I sometimes joke so much that people begin to cry. I have received hate mail from the wives of my players. I will not apologize.

But I hope Agony returns and shows us how it should be done. I would applaud that. Go to Comment

You have said it now. Go to Comment

Well at least this is more than 2 sentences. But, there is nothing original in here at all...

0/5, needs massive editing Go to Comment

I did not do my best. But there is no need to make fun of me.
I don't think that is a good way of helping.
Besides I may not be as old as you guys. And therefore not so good at grammar and stuff. It's hard to make a good character.
And you are not exactly making it any esier.
I will try to make the NPC better. Go to Comment

Come on guys.

At least his character is patriotic. With the blue body, red horns and eyes and all....

Hmmmm the "Patriotic Demon".Eh sounds like an oxymoron to me. Go to Comment

I was almost tempted to give it a +.5 just cause he used wery instead of very ever single time. But no. Go to Comment

Best Magic Name of the Year:
"The enourmpus awake the greatest demon spell"

That is solid gold. Go to Comment

Drackler, YOU'RE asking for more details?? thats beatiful man beautiful! :D Go to Comment

dont make me fire my fireball Go to Comment

Good idea, Bad spelling and grammar.

I am prejudiced, because I really like almost all demons/devils. Would you please put in more details? Go to Comment

I can forgive cliche - I tend in that direction from time to time, but the lack of attention paid to spelling and grammar (Again, I am no saint on that front) is somewhat less forgivable. Go to Comment

Dear Agony,

I see that you have visited the site since those other responses were posted, so it is possible that you may see this comment.

I started gaming in 1977, when I was 10 years old. I was fortunate that when I was young, I was able to write articulately and the standards of what was considered a good gaming scenario were much lower than they are today. I remember many a gaming scenario that featured two-dimensional demons described in two sentences, quests that started out “The Princess has been kidnapped!” and crawls through the most unlikely dungeons imaginable. I wrote adventures that were such utter rubbish that I don’t understand why I couldn’t see that at the time.

They weren’t mocked, because we didn’t know better then. People are much more jaded these days and are very critical of these old clichés.

Everyone starts somewhere. Don’t let the discouraging response and mockery that this submission has received stop you from learning and writing more. Much of the criticism that this demon has received was because it draws upon some of the most common themes and ideas found in fantasy writing today. Go to Comment

Agony has returned periodically. His writing shows a great deal of creativity, demonstrating abilities that would never have been guessed from this first try. Some are still quite flawed, but Agony shows a willingness to learn and a refusal to be discouraged that I admire. Go to Comment

Thankyou, I think that was the appropriate response.

I didn't see this post before, but to everybody involved, that was harsh beyond measure. Agony's reply was a sign that he wanted to learn and improve. And indeed, his next post was a whole order of magnitude better. I understand the need for high standard, but some of the post were uncalled for. A few year ago, that could have easily been me. Or as wulfhere mentions, any one of us. And to be honest, If I'd read the comments or been replied to like this, I wouldn't have joined. Because of that, my next posts after the raid on Tantalus IV are going to be a drow post, a demon post, Count Drizzt Neorine van der Kataanen( a vampire), and a unicorn. In honor of the oft mocked classics which still draw people to RP. Go to Comment

I stumbled across this quite by accident while browsing the Npc section. While a useful bad example there is a certain amusement and poetry factor to the sub that is rather... Memorable

After a pause I thought of an actual application for the sub, as written, for my next fantasy game session. Seriously

Imagine the characters coming across an utterly devastated town, ruins and the remnants of bodies laying scattered about like an angry child might toss their toy soldiers in a fit of rage.

Shorty after searching the town for survivors they find a very young girl, maybe 3 or 4 standing amidst the wreckage still clutching her mothers severed hand and staring at the adventurers in shock.

When asked what happened she recounts the sub pretty much as written. How this little one knows even a fraction of the history of the demon is the twenty thousand dollar question.  (perhaps overheard by her demon worshipping parents? Or on the lips of a drunken bard who knew not what horrors he was about to call forth?)

Dealing with the creature as it continues its rampage of destruction would be the rest of the plot line. (As well having fun messing with the suspicious players who will likely entertain the notion the little girl is either the demon in disguise, or possessed by it somehow.)

A 1.5 and HOH, not because it's of outstanding quality, (obviously) but as a reminder to myself and others then even the worst example can be used to great effect by a creative GM with a little effort  to create an interesting session that would never have otherwise occurred to them.

 

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Wow! You know, guys, if you had been half as harsh on my first sub, I'd never have been back.

I agree that it was abysmally bad, but a lot of the comments were taunting or mockeries, rather than any kind of effort to encourage or mentor him. We all have to start somewhere, and I don't know of any writer who, when talking about his first efforts, doesn't say something to the effect of 'reading it now made me squirm with embarrassment'. At least he is putting something of himself on the line, which most people wouldn't dream of doing; he deserves something more than a put-down for that.

I firmly agree with Wulfhere and dark_dragon and the later posters. Agony - keep at it. Your later subs were significantly better, keep writing and improving.

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