There's two parts to writing: Art and Craft. I won't add to the dogpile on craft, especially after all this time. Issues? Yes. Insurmountable? No. If Agony is still reading the site, I'd have a friend check to spelling, grammar, and typographical errors in the future. I'm not the best typist, and I always leave a few errors on the table, but a friend looking it over will reduce those.
As for craft... well... I'd never thought of a half-man/half-raven before. I think the idea is neat, and worth exploring. The rest of the idea needs a bit of work, but I think the core idea make that work worthwhile.
Less an idea and more an attempt to use the given elements to furnish a more coherent story...
Amadeus was a happy child until the Black Feather killed his parents. The act was brutal, vile, and random... at least to the eyes of the boy orphaned by the act. As inexplicable was why the Black Feather would use his magic to give the boy the lower quarters of a Raven. Lost, destitute, and bereft, Amadeus ended up at the mercy of the state.
The boy grew up in an orphanage. When he wasn't being studied by wizards, healers, scholars, and alchemists for his strange deformity, he was being teased by the other children for his outlandish appearance and too-timid behavior. But then one day he snapped. When a boy began to push Amadeus and call him crowfoot, the boy lashed out with a vicious kick. The taloned foot tore the other boy open, spilling his guts on the floor. Amadeus fled.
He ran. Not knowing where to go, he found his way back to his old home, finding it long abandoned. Cold and exhausted, he curled up and went to sleep in his old room, crying. Dreams of his dark deed haunted him, and in the morning he woke, having rested very little. But then he saw the staff.
Six feet of stout wood, decorated with black feathers. The end was carved into sharp talons. The boy saw parchment wrapped about the staff, tied into place. Hesitantly, trembling, he approached, and untied the parchment. He read the note within.
"If you would free yourself of your curse," read the note, "if you would avenge your parents, Master the Raven Staff, then seek me out. Face me to learn the truth."
The note was signed by Black Feather.
Amadeus picked up the staff, which felt... right in his hands. He silently vowed that he would find Black Feather, and he would learn the truth, before Black Feather's blood stained his talons. Renouncing his name, Ravenman left his childhood home behind and went in search of vengeance.
Ravenman is a tall, pale man with short black hair and a lean build. Below the waist, his legs are those of a Raven. He usually hides this with loose pants and a cloak, though there's no way to cover his feet. He is stronger than he looks, though not supernaturally so, but is very quick and has very keen eyes and excellent hand-to-eye coordination. His talons give him some help in climbing many surfaces, but he has to rely entirely on upper body strength to climb a rope. Ravenman's head tends to jerk around a bit, as his eyes dart left and right, up and down. His laugh - on the rare occasions he does laugh - has a rough, grating quality to it that brings the call of his namesake to mind.
Depending when in his travels he is encountered, he may be a young novice fighter, or he may be a seasoned warrior, highly skilled with his staff and with the unarmed style he developed which relies on deadly shredding kicks. He carries the Raven Staff, which in addition to its potent magical properties is a very dangerous melee weapon.
The Raven Staff is a mystery. Again, depending on when he is first met, Ravenman may have unlocked none, some, or most of its powers, all of which are raven or avian related. One power he has discovered right away is the ability to survive be eating carrion. No matter how rotted the meat, Ravenman can find sustenance.
Just how consumed is Ravenman? A GM may have him as driven and singleminded as he likes, but perhaps a little depth is found in having him question his purpose from time to time. WHY did Black Feather kill his parents and transform him? WHY leave him the staff? These question might plague the man he's become.
PCs may encounter Ravenman on the road. He'll be wary of them, because he hasn't always made his living on the right side of the law, and also because he's often been mistreated by his deformity.
PCs may encounter Ravenman being set upon by villagers who've mistaken him for a demon.
Ravenman may seek out one of the PCs, believing him to have information about Black Feather
PCs might be hired to apprehend Ravenman, or to steal the staff he carries.
PCs may even be victims of Black Feather, sought by Ravenman to join forces against him.
And just who IS Black Feather, anyway? Why DID he do these things? These are questions for you, the GM, to answer. Go to Comment
I am voting a 1 because I think this one is serious, and it is just that bad.
Agony, could you please stop and read a few of our posts, trying to read 4 and 5 star posts. That will give you an idea on what we are looking for.
First, Opus Dei organization has no thaumaturgical element, so no spell casting there. Opus Dei would openly oppose the bringing of demons, so not a real good source of summoning.
Next: Arrkrash is a big Demon from another dimension.
Aren't they all from another dimension?
Next: His demon axe is Zhorrsj, it has demon runes on it.
Which do? It is just an Axe from Hell? Does it tap dance or play the accordian?
Next: The wizard couldnt controll him so he killed him. Since then he has been haunting the earth looking for other wizards to kill.
As a history goes, it is like saying The Entire Star War Series (all six) was. A desert kid grows up with great power, is corrupted by it, and eventually, with the help of his son, gets better. Do you see how much that is missing? Explain more please.
Next: He is suited to be the boss in the end of an campaign or something.
Why? The way you described him, he is really nothing more than a speed bump in the way of a couple adventurers. If he is THAT DANGEROUS, you need to tell us WHY!!!!
You know... you could write it up as a joke... but do it in a serious manner... then watch it become hugely successful. It would be just like Mutant Teenage Ninja Turtles was in the 80s, a parody that became hugely successful.
Hmmm. Could explain the current Republican Administration and Congress.
More seriously, A patriotic demon could push people from mere patriotism to nationalism. Nationalism, when taken far enough, leads to oppression (of minorities and foreigners), warfare, and less enlightened forms of government internally (oppression of citizens for the good of the country, fascism/ cronyism/ corrupt governments under the nationalist flags, etc).
NOTE: The reason this thread has not been deleted is we don't have any current bad examples left. So until we have a new replacement, this one stay. Go to Comment
Other than the red/white/blue - patriotic demon idea... most of these ideas are just taunting.
Because you all post up crap on these posts... they come up under the most popular searches (between posts and views). So when people come to the site, looking for new things, click on most popular... they get THIS! (or things just like it).
1 point for being more than twenty words long.
1 point for not being blatantly plagiarized.
-1 point for gratuitous and eXCessive spelling and caPiTaLization errors.
-1 point for being a vague and uninteresting demon.
-1 point for Opus Dei (Work of God) employing demon summoning wizards. Shame, for shame!
maybe if there was a pit of bad characters there might not be so many low quality posts like this. We ascribe to the Gold Standard, and refer people to look at the better ranked posts. Maybe it might be easier to point some submitters to the pit and show them what the bad posts look like.
This is a bad post but look how many responces it has generated. Go to Comment
This submission has been in the citadel for 2 years at the time of this update. Since it's inception it has served a purpose and is very well known among Citadel membership. With apologies to Agony, this submission stands as the low water mark. It has every example of being a bad submission, which have already been beaten to death in the commentary above.
This submission has been challenged a number of times (by the same member, I might add) and each time it has emerged again as the prime example of a bad submission. For lack of better language this submission will remain in the Citadel until Agony or Strolen himself decide to remove it and not a moment less.
With Agony returned to the site I hope to see him return to this submission and possibly make some of the changes that were suggested above, but I am fine with it the way it is now. Arrkrash can now be considered 'under my protection' Go to Comment
It would be an ... interesting ... nation, where leaders are aided by 'angels' on their way to 'patriotism' - actually, demons who seem to do the biddingof the rulers and the people as a wholepush them towards intolerance, aggression, oppression, encourage them to report the errors of their neighbors, and the like, paving their way to damnation and causing untold suffering in the process. Go to Comment