No need to apologize, the only way to get better at it is to practice, and this sub does have potential and is a great quality submission. (Hence the solid 3 rating )
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I found to make adventure subs less "railroady" it works best to leave things loosely detailed and simply create the scene for the action to take place, or the event that unfolds for the characters to react to/interact with as they see fit without scripting a specific expected response from them. (Similar to how I presented the plot hooks in my shipyard quest sub)
Mm, I was thinking exactly MysticMoon's way - that this looked a bit too railroady for my tastes. The ratio of flavor text and exposition to plot is also quite high. In effect, there are only two incidents requiring any input from the party other than refusing to touch the scenario at all: finding the boy around the waste pit and fighting the hunters. There's a good framework here, but much less meat than I'd like.
This would make an intriguing adventure to use as a seed for future adventures. Those final readings would be great teasers to drive the players crazy as they try to decipher them. Players trying to figure out what the GM is up to tend to generate good plot ideas on their own. :)
I would probably make a few changes to extend it and make the players feel less railroaded. Rather than give the players an easy clue about the mine, I would make them wander around town and the surrounding area; make them get to know the town and figure it out. Push the limits of the old Seer's life. I would add more of a plot around the attempts against Beppi, setting up a red herring to make the final revelation less predictable.
Having said that, I like this. It is creative, sets up an area to explore, has my mind working, and is a good quest sub.
A nifty item that strikes a chord with me.
I once tried writing a generic text-adventure engine in the 90's, and one unintentional feature I thought was amusing was that doors could be picked up as items, and moved to other rooms, while still retaining their original destination.
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