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The Perils of Envy
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Mini-Campaign)
Silveressa's comment on 2011-07-14 02:40 PM


An interesting tale, but liek others have a said, bit  rigid in it presenation and limting in the responses of the PC's  in any given scenario.  Perhaps as the recounting of a tale or as a prelude to the beginning adventures it could work well?


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The Perils of Envy
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Mini-Campaign)
Silveressa's comment on 2011-07-15 02:14 AM


No need to apologize, the only way to get better at it is to practice, and this sub does have potential and is a great quality submission. (Hence the solid 3 rating )



I found to make adventure subs less "railroady" it works best to leave things loosely detailed and simply create the scene for the action to take place, or the event that unfolds for the characters to react to/interact with as they see fit without scripting a specific expected response from them. (Similar to how I presented the plot hooks in my shipyard quest sub)

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The Perils of Envy
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Mini-Campaign)
RGTraynor's comment on 2011-07-13 10:48 AM


Mm, I was thinking exactly MysticMoon's way - that this looked a bit too railroady for my tastes.  The ratio of flavor text and exposition to plot is also quite high.  In effect, there are only two incidents requiring any input from the party other than refusing to touch the scenario at all: finding the boy around the waste pit and fighting the hunters.  There's a good framework here, but much less meat than I'd like.


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The Perils of Envy
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Mini-Campaign)
RGTraynor's comment on 2011-07-15 03:44 AM
I'm not saying the flavor text is bad; it's quite good. But a plot shouldn't be 80% flavor text and 20% plot. I don't think the plot needs tweaking so much as there needs to be about three times as much at least.

* How about the boy NOT automatically want to go with the party, or that there are some impediments to him leaving ... an indenture, the outstanding debt, an enemy of his father's, and they have to convince him or remove the impediment?

* How about dealing with the hunters in some other way (as the text infers) than killing them to the last man? Is the only way to reveal Malenetti's treachery to wait for the new Seer to spill it? Can they question the hunters? Deal with them, buy them off, evade them? Has the party any divinatory powers of their own? Go to Comment
The Perils of Envy
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Mini-Campaign)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-07-13 10:32 AM


This would make an intriguing adventure to use as a seed for future adventures. Those final readings would be great teasers to drive the players crazy as they try to decipher them. Players trying to figure out what the GM is up to tend to generate good plot ideas on their own. :)



I would probably make a few changes to extend it and make the players feel less railroaded. Rather than give the players an easy clue about the mine, I would make them wander around town and the surrounding area; make them get to know the town and figure it out. Push the limits of the old Seer's life. I would add more of a plot around the attempts against Beppi, setting up a red herring to make the final revelation less predictable.



Having said that, I like this. It is creative, sets up an area to explore, has my mind working, and is a good quest sub.


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The Perils of Envy
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Mini-Campaign)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-07-14 10:26 AM
I found the flavor text rather delicious, myself. I think it made the sub. While the plot could use some tweaking, the extra description is what saved it for me and made me run with the changes I suggested in my response. Go to Comment
The Perils of Envy
Plots  (Coincidence)   (Mini-Campaign)
Gossamer's comment on 2013-04-29 11:11 AM
It needs to be divided into sections to make for an easier read, as it stands it's just a huge wall of text. Go to Comment
Bag of Doors
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2011-03-05 09:16 AM


Very funny. *smiles*


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Bag of Doors
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Murometz's comment on 2011-03-08 03:24 PM


What they all said. Fun one!


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Bag of Doors
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2011-03-05 06:23 PM


A nifty item that strikes a chord with me.



I once tried writing a generic text-adventure engine in the 90's, and one unintentional feature I thought was amusing was that doors could be picked up as items, and moved to other rooms, while still retaining their original destination.



 

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Bag of Doors
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Silveressa's comment on 2011-03-08 09:24 AM


While the premise may sound a little silly, this is actually a neat item, and sure to appeal to the more creative types of adventurers out there. 



Well done, this is likely to make an appearance in my next session. :)


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Bag of Doors
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
MysticMoon's comment on 2011-03-08 01:39 PM


I would totally love to see this used in a game.


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Bag of Doors
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
mrmiffmiff's comment on 2011-03-10 10:32 PM


Ahaha. I love this.


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Bag of Doors
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
Moonbeard's comment on 2011-03-05 10:44 AM


This is pretty cool. I like different takes of what to do with a bag of holding, especially since the doors have so many unique purposes. Though I don't completely understand the Golden Door, is it for carrying loot?


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Two Flask Halos
Items  (Potion)   (Non-Magical)
Strolen's comment on 2010-04-24 11:09 AM
Love it!

Would be tempted to remove the requirement of distilled urine and just have plain old urine as the catalyst.

Could make for interesting scenarios. Go to Comment
Two Flask Halos
Items  (Potion)   (Non-Magical)
Agar's comment on 2010-04-25 10:04 PM
The sour fruit are analogs to Almond fruit, as I based the seeds off of almonds, which are technically peach seeds, not nuts, and high in phosphorus. Phosphorus was discovered in 1669 by a chemist working with urine, so I figured make a special mix with binary components, loosely based off of real stuff, and have fun burning stuff! Go to Comment
Two Flask Halos
Items  (Potion)   (Non-Magical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2010-04-25 07:56 AM
Alchemy, fire, accidents, sour fruit, and the words Distilled Urine. If that isnt a win I dont know what it. Go to Comment
Two Flask Halos
Items  (Potion)   (Non-Magical)
Cheka Man's comment on 2010-04-24 10:00 AM
Useful in any game. Go to Comment
Two Flask Halos
Items  (Potion)   (Non-Magical)
Phaidros's comment on 2011-09-14 12:13 PM
Nice and without magic. Go to Comment
Two Flask Halos
Items  (Potion)   (Non-Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2010-04-26 06:45 PM
Have fun burning stuff! Awesome.

I like it! Go to Comment
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