Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Animus
NPCs  (Minor)   (Knowledge/Lore)
valadaar's comment on 2007-12-05 02:30 PM
An interesting idea, though in need of some spell checking. Go to Comment
Anamis's Spectre-Shard
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-11-05 09:26 PM
This is a really neat idea! Go to Comment
Soulstone
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2013-05-18 06:35 PM
There is potential here, it needs help to get out. Go to Comment
Arjanelle
NPCs  (Major)   (Natural)
valadaar's comment on 2007-10-13 06:40 PM
Awesome!

This is a neat take on the Elf.
Hmm, Elf freetext? Go to Comment
Rurik's Tomb
Locations  (Other)   (Plains)
valadaar's comment on 2011-07-10 06:32 PM


First thing, look at the provided feedback.



Second, I'd completely redo everything past "The Wight vanished, and perhaps it still sleeps in one of the last of the undisturbed tombs."



Do not go into 'module' detail with such things as "If there is a ranger or someone with wilderness lore in the group, he or she will know that the spores of the fungus are highly dangerous" - that is somewhat game specific and is jarring in terminology compared to the lead in story.



Instead, since this is not a full length module, but an idea that others will flesh out to full detail, outline the major cool or interesting features of the tomb. Perhaps carry on the narrative somehow to describe the tomb in the same tone as the lead in text.



Third, clearly define which King is which. I assume King Arkon is the older king and Dora's father is the newer king. Say King Rurick is King Rurick a lot sooner then when metioning Rurick's tomb. I was orignally confused as to who was who.



Fourth, I can't help but think of Dora the Explorer when the princess name is Dora.



 


Go to Comment
Talahar
Locations  (Any)   (Regional)
valadaar's comment on 2007-01-26 10:58 AM
A good start, but appears to be just that.

It is pretty unremarkable so far but could be a lot better. Go to Comment
Disappearing children
Plots  (Discovery)   (Single-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-10 08:15 AM
This smells like a Grimm fairy tale. Simple and effective.

Go to Comment
Little Dark
Locations  (Forest/ Jungle)   (Country/ State)
valadaar's comment on 2012-09-14 10:27 AM
Found this using unvoted, which is random, and this sub certainly fits the bill.

This is a neat take on the smurfs, which were an epidemic when I was growing up...

Go to Comment
Kassil Khirsah
NPCs  (Major)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2014-03-13 11:30 AM
The classic career dragonslayer. A bit of a standard type - he needs a little more to make him be unique. Go to Comment
The Martyr's Blade
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Combat)
valadaar's comment on 2013-05-31 04:48 PM
Not bad, though dealing the same damage to the wielder and the enemy means he can't beat low level foes he could otherwise dispatch easily without the sword. Go to Comment
Foolblade
Items  (Melee Weapons)   (Cursed)
valadaar's comment on 2007-08-23 10:03 AM
As others have said, it is a decent enough item with a negligible backstory. Better then a generic cursed sword, but could have been a lot better. Go to Comment
Abasil
Locations  (Forest/ Jungle)   (Regional)
valadaar's comment on 2013-03-01 08:34 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
golden golem soul coin
Items  (Other)   (Magical)
valadaar's comment on 2007-02-13 03:09 PM
This does have potential.

Take a look at other subs and flesh it out more. Take peoples advise on spellchecking.
If you need a word processor, check out OpenOffice (Google it). It's free and it works well.

You're the author - the mage's name need not be lost to history. I've suggested before that one can have the Players History which can be vague, incomplete and wrong, and then the GM's history which provides the GM what he needs to know about the item. Go to Comment
Lost Artifact
Plots  (Hired)   (Side-Quest)
valadaar's comment on 2013-05-06 10:48 AM
Another sub where the discussion it elicits is better than the source.

An overly harsh intro, and he never submitted anything afterward. Go to Comment
Haran Hearthheart
NPCs  (Scenario Based)   (Religious)
valadaar's comment on 2013-04-18 02:44 PM
Okay, this is a hidden wonder. I agree with the commentary and love the writing.

Top notch! Go to Comment
It was just a book
Plots  (Crisis)   (Multi-Storyline)
valadaar's comment on 2014-06-19 01:21 PM
An interesting idea - the book as portal has wonderful symbolism to it. Recursive adventures :)

Go to Comment
Knooble Glitio
NPCs  (Minor)   (Travelers)
valadaar's comment on 2014-02-04 02:24 PM
Frankly, I've seen much worse, and its unfortunate that this author essentially quit after this submission.

I agree with Dozus.

Go to Comment
Race to Claim the Treasure of Shikan
Plots  (Discovery)   (Side-Quest)
valadaar's comment on 2013-04-22 01:27 PM
Writing and spelling are good, and the hook where this in fact a lie is good, but change Demon to Dragon, and you have the latter half of The Hobbit.



Go to Comment
Thunk
NPCs  (Extras)   (Combative)
valadaar's comment on 2014-03-14 09:13 AM
I found this amusing and genuine. +5 Elven chain is damn good threads!

Go to Comment
Deadly Plague
Plots  (Duty)   (Encounter)
valadaar's comment on 2009-06-09 06:56 PM
Okay, if you want it this short, submit it as an idea seed, not a sub.


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