I think is really cool - it may not be fleshed out (heh) but it paints the idea clear. It could be a mystery at first for PC's and perhaps later once they perhaps work for the group that has it, ends up being used by them. Go to Comment
I think this is quite an interesting take on an Assassin's guild - the means of recruiting is excellent.
From the perspective of presentation, there are some odd phrasings and some of the sentences seem rather clipped.
Not sure to what level to comment, but one suggestion presented many a time on this site is read your submission to yourself and see if it makes sense. Interestingly the lead in story told by the new recruit has better structure to me then the rest of the sub.
If I may present one example:
"They believe that there is an afterlife of paradise for them and over the next six years they learn everything about Amirah the Prophet, the House of Sand, and the Queen of Sand. Along with learning of their new found religion. "
"Along with learning of their new found religion." does not sound like a correct sentence to me, more of an afterthought.
I would break up this into two sentences, one indicating their belief, and the other included what they trained in.
Again this is my opinion, and I'm just a computer geek.
Nit-picking aside, I think this is a really good post. Overall, a 4/5 from me. Go to Comment
Saril had a dream. To open a library in the windswept wastes of Naarish, so that the people of the many villages and towns spread over the hundreds of leagues of desert could discover the joys of his books. For a whole year he kept his library open, but alas, almost no one came.
That is when Saril came up with his new idea. If people didn't travel to read his books, he would travel to them! Saril closed his library, hired a team of twelve camels, loaded up the beasts with all of his books and proceeded to invent the first nomadic library.
Now children and adults alike, looked forward to hearing the bells of Saril's camels as he entered their villages, as he tirelessly traversed the deserts in a long circuitous route, visiting every village and town he came across, in turn. It came to pas that Saril's traveling library came to some fame, and that is how the folk of Naarish became literate.
A word of warning though. Naarish has only six thousand volumes. He deals with those that lose or steal his tomes quite "harshly", by bypassing the town or village which was responsible for losing one of his books for that calendar year.