Can't add to what Moonhunter has said on this one. This needs to be put into the 'in work' section.
There is a small glint of a good idea here, but the execution is abysmal. The history is a string of cliches.
"Aard had a crush on a princess, and he did magic things for her, but she didnt notice him and instead married a valiant knight. later the knight treated her badly, and again Aard tried to help her, but she cursed at him for being a fool and weak and this made Aard really sad. " Go to Comment
There are a large number of grammatical and spelling problems in this post. The intent and ideas are there, but the presentation needs work.
Just looking at the summary yields:
Humans call them Freaks of Nature others would prefer them to dis belivers of god but what they are really about is the Abyss.
You need a 'while' between Nature and 'others' to join the sentance, and it is not clear what you mean by 'what they are really about is the Abyss'.
Spelling/Grammar aside, there are a lot of places where cliche's are used, and further clarification is needed.
I would suggest moving this sub to in work (advice requested) and ask for some frank recommendations from the others on this site. I believe that with a fair amount of work, a good sub can be made from this initial idea.
You may also consider linking your other subs together (such as Lady Shayla).
I'm always torn by how much information to provide! :) Sometimes I go overboard.
Q. How much does it cost. Are the ingredients hard to find. Does it take a lot of time to prepare.
I'd leave that to individual game masters, as ingrediants usually vary on the creatures present in the world, and cost is similarly variable. Personally I consider the Venoms very expensive as they affect both Necromancy and Time.
Q. One month? Are there any side effects to a raised person afterwards? Any side effects to a dead corpse, or the venom in a slain monster?
The effects of death are stopped for 1 month(with Staying), and resume normally afterwards. I'd leave it to the individual GM towards making the effects retroactive.
Q. Do the two venoms counteract each other?
I would say so. One accelerates, the other stops. Or the only the first one administered could be the one that works. Again, I'd leave that ruling for the GM
Q. Ages ten years? Are there any side effects to things in contact with the body? Could it possibly cause it to be more pestilant than normal, or acidic to the touch?
The effects are limited to the body of the victem. Generally corpses 10 years old are just skeletons so little pestilance would be left. The process is too fast for normal chemical/biological processes to produce the normal side effects of a rotted body.
Q. Can either of the venoms be administered after the death of the creature?
My intention was no, especially Staying. If it were to be allowed with Mouldering, then it would be too popular with criminals. However, GM's can of course choose to lift this restriction. Go to Comment
You could also have it that the effects take upon impact, if the arrow would normally have killed the victim, which would be a terrifying attack. End result is a little more deadly, as before there was a 10 minute window to 'raise' the victim, but this change would make it impossible to easily raise the victims. For game systems with no easy raise-dead capabilities, this is just a neat special effect/terror weapon. Go to Comment
Epochs past, the Karu system was the home of an advanced civilization. However,they were destroyed in a war of titanic proportions. The former home world is little more then a charred cinder, depleted of resources and furiously radioactive. However, born from the apocalypse is a new, strange planet, designated Karu II.
The planet is the accumulated remains of the wreckage of two unimaginably large battlefleets. Through millions of years of collisions and the impact of solar wind, the wreckage has collapsed onto itself forming a small, but very dense planet. During it's history sufficient amounts of transuranic metals collected at it's core and started a sustained nuclear reaction. The heat served to melt much of the metal that formed it, as well as creating a thick atmosphere from the myriad of plastics and other materials. This atmosphere is rich in many chemicals and is dreadfully toxic.
The planet is 500km in diameter but has a gravitational force of about 1.3G. It has a thick atmosphere with usable amounts of oxygen, but has a pressure of 3 atmospheres at 'sea' level. The remainder of the atmosphere is a devil's brew of hydrocarbons, radioactive gases, acids, and many other noxious chemicals.
Of course, this planet is considered a treasure trove of raw materials and even with its dangerous atmosphere, high radiation and powerful magnetic field, mining outposts exist. The mining is difficult, but there are few places in the universe with the same concentrations of pure metals.
The passage of millions of years has destroyed most of the technological artifacts of the system, leaving little of interest except to miners, and xeno-historians trying to seek the truth about that long past disastrous war.
Two to Tango
Obviously for there to be a war large enough to provide this much debris, the battlefleets would have to be the product of thousands of star systems. Though the expanse of time is immense perhaps some remains of the enemy species still persists. Perhaps they make a pilgrimage back to this system every millennia or so to mark their species victory.
Digging has uncovered a vast deposit of precious metals. The resulting rush on the small planet draws even more miners to the dangerous planet.
Not everything has succumbed to the march of time. An automated defense satellite, thrown into a tremendously long orbit now is returning. It's orbit will bring it close to Karu II, where it will use it's wonderfully advanced weapons to incinerate any alien presence. The PCs' will need to find some means to disable this death machine from ages past. Go to Comment
A giant Nanofiber balloon could surround the small planet to physically hold the atmosphere, assuming a material strong enough. Optionally it can be controlled to regulate the reflection of light and therefore climate. Go to Comment
Named for the astronomer who first located it, Estellas' world was an mystery for many years until it was finally visited by probes. The world possesses both a proper, oxygen rich atmosphere, and plentiful water, both facts being established early on via spectral analysis. But those did not tell the full story.
The planet is carpeted by alien machines of war of all description, but have deteriorated greatly over time, and little, if anything, is salvageable. Would-be scientists, explorers and treasure-hunters have to face an additional hazard. Virtually everything on the planet is highly radioactive, including many materials not thought to be capable of being radioactive.
Even materials normally used for radiation shielding become radioactive over time on this world, leading some to believe that something on the planet is disrupting matter on a level unknown presently to science. Some theorize a final weapon which ended the last war and civilization on the planet.
The planet is home to a primitive plant-like life form which seems radiation resistent, but little long term study has been possible. There are still those who seek the world's secrets, but the fierce radioactivity and quarantine battle satellites posted in orbit have so far dissuaded their discovery. Go to Comment